Assumptions Jokes

1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

Well, I mean, they don't actually say it, but I know they're thinking it.

But I think she’s just being ignorant

2 people walk in and a while later, 3 people walk out.
The biologist says: They must have reproduced.
The engineer says: Our assumptions must have been wrong.
The mathematician says: If someone walks into the house, it will be empty again.



(Found this in a comment by Superkin... read more

In the middle of the night, the hotel catches fire. The engineer wakes up, sees the fire in his room, turns on every faucet in his room to flood the place. He says to himself, "ok I've put out the fire," and he goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up and sees the fire. He makes some assumpti... read more

That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

According to my engineering professor, just one, but you need to list your assumptions.

So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they... read more

Rod and Keith, two linguists, are chatting about life when Rod slips in a linguistic pun. Keith is not impressed and points out why the pun was so bad. The conversation continues and Rod tries to deftly insert another pun. Again, without even cracking a smile, Keith starts pointing out all the flaws... read more