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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Yeah, the NRA sounds great, but personally, I prefer Deer Lovers Anonymous.

You get more bang for your buck.

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I didn't know what to wear to my anonymous premature ejaculators meeting

So I just came in my pants.

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I went to attend my Premature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting

When I arrived, no one was there. I must've come early.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see some new faces today and I must say I'm pretty disappointed.

Asked Why I Came To Gamblers Anonymous

Told them I lost a bet.

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[NSFW] A HR employee was sent an anonymous dick pic within the company network

Right away, she called the Packaging Design Manager. The man was shocked. "How did you know it was me?!"

She pointed to the caption on the picture: "Enlarged to Show Texture".

What do anti-vaxxers do at Covid-19 funerals?

Stare at the ceiling.
_____________
**Thank you** /u/JustNick4 for giving this joke the extremely desirable **Evil Cackle Award**. I've never won an Evil Cackle Award before, so as you can imagine, I'm over the moon. I'm going to put it in the candy bowl every Halloween for the neighbor kids ...

I was cleaning one of my finger guns.

I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

Hypocondriacs Anonymous

Step 1. Admit you dont have a problem.

You hear about the cop that found a glory hole in a public bathroom?

He received an anonymous tip

In high school I tried using anonymous sources instead of real citations.

This was not allowed, because I was a ninth grader and not a journalist.

Why did they cancel Kleptomaniacs Anonymous?

Because the sponsor at the most recent meeting asked if anybody wanted to take a seat.

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I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.



*Credit: Gary Delaney*

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So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

How many members of Alcoholics Anonymous does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has to want to change.

I've got my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting tomorrow

I rang them today to check the time. It's ten to one.

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

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So someone has anonymously complained that I've given inappropriate nicknames to my female co-workers

I'm not sure who it is but I've strong suspicion it might be Bitchface Bigtits....

Drunkenness!

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it
. Behind you is a lion running at the...

What is the hardest thing about being in Hypochondriacs Anonymous?

Admitting that you don’t have a problem.

Someone anonymously keeps sending me bunches of deheaded flowers.

I think I'm being stalked.

"Hello, is this anonymous NSA hotline?"

"Yes, David, how can we help you?"

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

Just got in to anonymous alcoholic club

It has been four days im getting drunk with people I dont know.

I started a group for anonymous cycling enthusiasts.

But so far the members who’ve joined Pedalphiles seem to know nothing about bicycles in general.

A local Scientist recieves an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

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Premature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting to be held today at 4...

...doors open at 3.

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous

Yesterday, I attended a meeting for people suffering from kleptomania. When I walked in the room, a man greeted me and told me to take a seat, so I did. As I was leaving, he told me to put it back or he was gonna call the cops.

A minister of a church meets with the church council

A minister of a church meets with the church council

The council says, “These are dire times. The church only has $5 million and we need about $10 million to survive”.

They all sit quietly, looking sad about this news. The minister then gets up and leaves the room.

The minister ...

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I was nervous no one would come to the Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting...

Luckily, everyone came earlier than expected!

I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting

Nobody came

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

I told my buddy we should go to a gambling anonymous meeting. He said ‘Why? We don’t have gambling problems!’

I replied, ‘You wanna bet?’

I got rich by creating an anonymous imageboard website.

I made a 4chan.

Is this Gamblers Anonymous?

You bet!

Dads Anonymous

Dad: Go on, it's safe here.

Me: Sometimes I don't cut the grass in a pattern.

One dad vomits, another stops grilling entirely

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A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service...

...he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: "Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves."

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets ...

My "Workaholics Anonymous" meeting got canceled...

Everyone had to work late

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous:

Helping people to help themselves

Married man has an affair

A married man who had an Italian love affair for many months learned one day that she was pregnant. The two struck up a deal, in which she would return to Italy to give birth to their child and keep his identity secret in exchange for a large sum of money. In addition, the father would continue to p...

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The Politician and Sex Workers

A politician visited Sex Workers Anonymous in order to get more information about how these women in his community were doing. He meets three poor prostitutes and speaks to them that their lifestyle is hurting them and that depending on how often they were engaged in the business, he would provide t...

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

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I went to a Porn Addicts Anonymous meeting yesterday

What a bunch of jerk-offs.

What do I know about bonsai trees?

Very little. (Edit: wow! Silver, gold, and platinum! Thanks, anonymous Redditor(s). And six (6!) upvotes!)

If you wanted to stay completely anonymous, which item of clothing would be the worst to wear?

A dress.

Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline

What would you like to report, Peter?

What did the Cannibals Anonymous group say to Dave when he showed up an hour late to their weekly meeting?

Nothing. They just gave him the cold shoulder.

I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

(originally posted in r/dadjokes by me, wanted to share it with y'all too)

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Last night I went to an Ass Eater's Anonymous meeting and told them I relapsed..

They really chewed me out.

"Hello, is this the anonymous FBI tip line?"

"Yes, Dave."

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I'm happy to invite you to tomorrow's "Masturbaters Anonymous" meeting.

Please come alone

I think I'm going to create procrastinators anonymous

Eh I'll do it tommorow.

Welcome to Existentialists Anonymous.

Can anyone tell me why we're here?

What do you call an anonymous psychic?

A 4chan teller


...I'll see myself out

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.

I think they may be trying to groom me.

What's the best place to find anonymous tips?

A glory hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Called my friend.

I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you."

Friend: "Ok shoot"

Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?"

Friend: "I dunno what?"

Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?

Friend: I dunno what?


*Click*

Finally made the call to Gamblers Anonymous

Bet them 3:1 they couldn't help me

I recently began using TOR to browse anonymously on my phone

Sent from 123.248.188.75

"Welcome to Cheapskates Anonymous, would anybody like to start?"

"I'd like to say that I'm not a cheapskate. I'm just here for the free coffee."

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My therapist recommended an anonymous community to me, a narcissist. Said that they gather and discuss their day to day accomplishments, annoyances, etc.

I told him I've been using Reddit for a couple months now and see no changes.

I then saw myself out.

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I tried to start M.A (masterbaters anonymous)

But everybody told me to go fuck myself.

A Chinese Family had 4 Children Anonymously

They always had to hide the 4chans

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?

Anonymous Anonymous

What do you call a nine-sided polygon that wishes to remain anonymous?

anonagon.

Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?

AA, Eh

I just joined alcoholics anonymous

I still drink, just use a different name

Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings?

Because they're all tied up, but coming soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was the first day of school...

... and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "P...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You guys hear about the antique shop owner who liked to have anonymous sex with menstruating women?

Nobody could tell which period his dick was from.

I would go to alcoholics anonymous

But everyone already knows

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That was like a weekend camping trip for a sex addicts anonymous group.

Fucking intense.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

alcoholic alzheimer's anonymous.

No one knows who they are, or what they're drinking.

Whenever I'm sad my friend always says "cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water"

I know he means well...

I feel like people who write things online under fake accounts are insecure and can’t handle the pressure of having society see who they really are

-Anonymous

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3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact ...

Why do people who like bondage shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.

CNN BREAKING NEWS:

Anonymous hero donates hospital 200 human kidneys.

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