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Letters Jokes

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, always 6 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Hint: Not a question

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

you get them VERY ANGRY

What has four letters, sometimes has nine letters and occasionally has twelve letters?

The mailman

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Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

What starts with W, ends with T and has two letters in between.

Just stating the obvious.

Letters between a father and son

Dear son;

Your mother and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time.
...

When I was young, there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

What word means the same thing with several letters added?

Mailbox

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“Queue” sounds like “q” followed by 4 silent letters, but…

They’re just waiting their turn.

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

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Capital Letters Are Important

Capital letters can be just as important as commas and full-stops. For example, the sentence: "Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey" does *not* mean the same as "Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey".

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

( This joke was made up by my eight year old son. ) Why did the letters lose the battle against the numbers?

They were outnumbered.

Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks.

It was easier Z than done.

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine

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Dear people who don’t write capital letters,

We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

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My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

I bought an alphabet from a shop, but I only recieved 23 letters.

So I went up asking why and was told that I didn't pay for the dlc.

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What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine

What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?

Parole.

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me: I’m terrified of random letters

therapist: you are?

me: [screams]

therapist: oh, I see

me: [screaming intensifies]

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

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My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

When I saw the letters "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone wanted to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.

The other letters were not-E.

It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast

For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'

How many letters are in the alphabet?

22, because E.T. went home and somebody shot J.R.

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

adults

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: You can have mine

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Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

There are so many letters added to LGBT nowadays,

it may as well be called LGBTLDR

I got thousands of letters delivered to my house today

That's the last time I order a dictionary from Ikea

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

There has been much said and sung about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

The Tea of the Tiger was quite a refreshing and pleasant event!

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
<...

Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE"

Nobody gets their mail.

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Therapist tells his patient to write individual letters to everyone who wronged him and then burn them to gain some peace

Patient comes back the next week and says he's done what the therapist recommended. Then asks what he should do with the letters

What has 9 letters and makes everyone mad?

Clickbait

What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letters, always has six letters, but never has five letters.

Now you know.

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