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Set Aside Jokes

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton set aside their differences to talk to a group of third graders...

So Hillary tells the students, "Today we are going to talk about the difference between a tragedy, a great loss, and an accident. Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?"

A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out on the street after a ball and gets hit by a car?" Donald go...

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

A priest, a rabbi and an imam sit down for breakfast at Denny’s where they each order a grand slam and a cup of coffee.

They set aside their religious differences and bond over the hearth of American comfort food.

It’s just delightful.

Dennis Rodman earns himself a cameo in Kazaam 2.

Knowing full well that this would be a large production, he decided to arrive on set well before his scheduled scene was meant to be filmed. Even with his prudent planning, when he drove onto the lot, there was only one spot left and so he took it. As soon he stepped out his vehicle however, he was ...

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Someone once told me "What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right, think about how crazy people thought Noah was."

So I set aside my reservations and had sex with my daughters

A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kid...

What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker?

Not having to set aside money for your old age.

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

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[OC] I knew a guy who had a really weird ritual with his socks.

Once a month or so, he'd set aside a few hours to do this crazy thing with his socks. He'd take a pair he'd been wearing for a while, and lay them out on the bed next to each other. Then he'd take one of them, and put it on. Then he'd walk over to his dresser, open his sock door, and pull a single s...

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Billy visits his grandfather, who used to hunt large game.

The grandfather gives Billy a tour of his house, showing him all of the mounted heads and carcass of animals he's shot. Deer, boar, fox, etc. When they enter the study, there stands a 6'2" stuffed grizzly bear. "Grandpa, did you kill that bear?" Billy asked. "I sure did, Billy." "That's amazing! How...

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A difficult marriage.

A husband and wife were having marital struggles due to constant disagreements and an imbalance in responsibilities. The husband would come home from work and yell at his wife for not having dinner ready. The wife would yell at the husband for ignoring all the cleaning she's done when he tracked his...

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An old woman goes to the grocery store...

And is standing in line to buy dog food. When the cashier finally tends to her, he looks up and asks, "Ma'am, do you attest that this dog food is for an animal?"

The woman was taken aback having never been asked this before, "What?", she asks for clarification.

The cashier continued, "...

M&Ms

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters....

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Three Guys Die and Get to go to Heaven (long)

So they're waiting for God to get to and judge/reward them. God finishes with others and gets to them. Standing before them, he says, "Alright. You three get to go to heaven. Here's what's gonna happen. You think carefully and tell me what you would really love for the rest of eternity. I will set a...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

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Green ping pong ball.

These was once a girl, Sara, whos third birthday was coming up, and as this was the first time she was old enough to really understand what was happening, her parents asked her what she wanted.
"I want a green ping pong ball!" Sara answered immediately and without a hint of uncertainty. The par...

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