Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Two Irish priests decided to go on a vacation to Barcelona.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach...
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in...
A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....
"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"
A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural.
A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks: "Who here has seen a ghost?" Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks: "Who here has spoken with a ghost?"
Half the audience puts up their hands. "And who here has touched a ghos...
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”
He continued, “A...
Stalin was addressing an assembly of peasants in Russia...
And a man in the crowd sneezed. Stalin asked: who sneezed?
No one responded. Stalin says to one of his KGB cronies 'walk up to the crowd, and shoot everyone in the front row.' So the guy shoots everyone in the front row.
'Now', Stalin says, 'who sneezed?' Again, no one responded. 'Sh...
A Southern Baptist minister was addressing his congregation.
"Today I am a sad man. And I’m gonna tell you why I am a sad man. I am a sad man because a member of this church has been spreading the word that I am a member of the Ku Klux Klan. That person has not had the courage to speak this falsehood to my face, so I call upon them to stand up now before you ...
In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
Then Donald Trump came and said “Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!”
A U.S. Army Sargeant was addressing to his new recruits:
He asked them basic questions, like their name and where are they from, things of that nature.
Then, he got to Oliver, who came all the way from Australia.
Sarge: Did you come here to die, recruit?
Oliver: Nah, mate, i came 'ere yesterdai
My doctor tells me my visceral fat needs addressing...
... I'm considering Ranch or Thousand Island, do you have any other recommendations?
A doctor was addressing his first year med students on their first day working with cadavers...
The doctor at the head of the class told them, "In order to make sure you all have the right stuff to become medical doctors, please do exactly as I do".
The doctor then made an incision into the abdomen on the body before him and waited until all of the students had done the same. ...
Excuse me waiter, there’s a problem with my salad...
I think it needs addressing
A sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest."
24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the remaining man, "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
The man replied, "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."
General Custer is addressing his men at the Little Bighorn. He says "well boys, I've got some good news and some bad news."
"The bad news is that the Sioux are camped right down the hill. Come morning they're going to overrun us. They'll ride roughshod over our whole company and leave us all killed, then probably mutilate our corpses beyond recognition when they're done."
His lieutenant asks, "what's the good news...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
An old man is walking down the street when he hears a voice.
"Excuse me sir."
The old man looks around but doesn't see anybody. Perplexed, he continues on his way.
"Sir, down here."
The man stops and looks down, only to see a frog sitting at his feet. He looks around again to make sure nobody is watching before addressing the frog, "did ...