When I'm craving middle eastern food, there's this place I always go to. It's delicious, affordable, and best of all...

Israeli quick.

My uncle Hans (a hotdog lover) has been very ill recently. Last night, craving a hotdog, he went on a drive to the nearest hotdog stand. Sadly, as he was driving, he became even more unwell...

...he took a turn for the wurst.

A retired banker went to a psychiatrist.

He said "For 30 years, I worked in a bank as a teller. Every day i would serve dozens of customers. I loved my job and never missed a day.
Last month, i retired.
Since then, every time i pass a bank, i have a huge craving to enter and take out money.
Even if i pass an ATM, i have to stop a...

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’...

Pregnant wife says to husband that she has a weird craving for snails (to eat)

Being the loving husband he is, he tells her that he’ll walk down to the shop and buy her some. He gets to the store and buys a glass jar of snails that he will cook when he gets home.

As he walks out of the shop he bumps into a very old friend that he hasnt seen in ages. They catch up and t...

Jaguar Joke

Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

Since when does screaming helps with sugars cravings? Because I asked many people about their way of stopping sugar cravings and each one of them said...

Ice cream.

My wife is on her lady time while at the Renaissance Faire and told me she was craving chocolate.

I asked her if the craving was period-specific.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

What did the really annoying, attention craving person say?

"This"

I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant...

Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot

Craving for nuts

Last Friday I had a craving for nuts, so I spent the whole day with my wife and her mother.

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

I was craving some Indian food yesterday...

...So I went and got subway.

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5 minutes into watching willy wonka and the chocolate factory and I'm craving chocolate

This is why I can't watch breaking bad

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A guy decided to see a prostitute for the first time in Vegas. (NSFW)

The man was recently divorced and just wanted some action. So he walked the streets and found the best looking hooker he could find and took her to his hotel room.

The guy asked the hooker for a hand job, and she said, “sure, that will be $500”

“$500 for a hand job? Are you insane”...

A foreign man walking...

A foreign man walking downtown suddenly feels the need for a tasty treat. His nose guides him to a little shop, but he is unable to communicate what he wants.

He decides to go to online school to learn how to communicate, but instead is distracted by something called Reddit for a week. He say...

What do you call the leader of the Cravings Tribe?

The "Hanker"chief

I was craving a soda this morning in school, but I couldn't afford one..

I was soda pressed

I was craving some root beer, so I poured it into a square cup.

Then, all I had was beer.

Pregnancy Cravings...

My parents were recently discussing my pregnant cousin, who has been craving ice cream throughout here pregnancy, so I thought I'd ask my mother what she craved through her pregnancy.

"An abortion" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

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A man's wife was heavily pregnant

and had started to get a lot of weird food cravings. One afternoon she said to her husband "I'm really peckish and would love some escargot.. Can you run down to the deli and pick up some snails for me"

The man dutifully agrees and walks down to the deli and gets a box of snails. On the way b...

Three men are hired to work on a ranch.

The first of the three was the youngest. He was told when he is craving a woman to use the barrel behind the barn.
He takes advantage the very first night and describes it to the others in vivid detail. The oldest of the group sat quietly and drank his beer.
The second night he goes bac...

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A man was walking in the desert...

A man was walking in the desert, however he is now lost. He has survived for two weeks already, but he is craving for sex. In week three he sees a camel. Because the man is so desperate for sex, he turns a bucket he collected upside-down and starts thrusting towards the camel.

The camel howev...

Dad, why is my sister named Olivia?

"Because your mother had a massive craving for olives when she was pregnant."

"That makes sense. Thanks dad."

"No problem, Richard."

A man goes to work at a grocery store.

The man isn't too bright, so they give him a job a grocer. All is going well, until a boy runs up to him and asks how much the tomatoes cost.

The man, baffled, says, "I don't know." He realizes that he just lost a customer to his incompetence. He goes to his boss for help.

His boss g...

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My favorite Jewish joke

An old Jewish man walks into a restaurant with a craving for borscht.

He sits down at his table, motions the waiter and orders a big bowl of borscht. Not long after that, a steaming bowl is placed in front him. But as the waiter is walking away, the old jew quickly calls him back to his tabl...

(Long) A man was hungry, bored and thirsty...

One day a man was bored, hungry and thirsty from partying all night at a friends house. So since it was basically the middle of the day he thought that the juice store and the local Applebee’s would have really long lines and he decided to head on down to the bookstore for some entertainment.
...

A young monk joins a monastery

After 2 weeks or so, he starts craving for a fap session and confesses about it to the head monk, thinking he would help him through a rough patch.
The head monk looks left and right and says carefully: "follow me"
He then proceeds to take him to the library, pulls a few books and a secret ent...

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The Voodoo Dildo

A man is about to go abroad on a business trip, but he is worried about his wife cheating on her because she is has strong sexual cravings and has been known to be promiscuous in the past.

The man decides to go to an adult store to find her a sex toy to satiate her desires, and finds himself ...

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A wife took her husband to a strip club as a birthday treat.

The doorman greeted them, "Hi Jim! How are you?"

"How does he know you?" asked the wife. "Oh dear, I play football with him," said Jim.

Inside, the bartender asked, "Hello Jim! The usual?"

Jim turned to his wife. "Before you say anything, he and I are on the darts team."

...

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So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

My favorite ice cream flavor is Death By Chocolate...

Because it satisfies two cravings at once

Do you suffer from an addiction to water?

Can you not live without your water?

Do you try to quit, and come back to drinking water again?

Do you suffer from any of the following withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit?

* Headache?
* Fatigue?
* Dry throat?
* Dry mouth?
* Darker urine?
* Craving more water...

All he wanted was a coke

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening, after a long day on the road he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful ...

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A film director is getting ready early in the morning to start work.

It's 6am. There's a knock at his trailer door. He answers and a crew member tells him that they've been postponing too long and have to get to work asap.

The director knows this but appreciates the reminder. He only has time to get dressed, no brushing his teeth, no eating, nothing else. ...

An elderly couple have been married for 60 years.

One day, out of the blue, the husband announces to his wife, “After living for so long and observing so much, I have decided that men have it worse in this world.”

The wife is clearly upset by his comment, and asks him to elaborate. So the husband continues, “Women start having periods during...

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Lock an astronomer in a basement...

and they'll go star craving mad.

I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood

He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.

I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"

So a man gets off work and is headed to his favorite diner for his favorite meal.

So one Friday, this guy gets off work and hes is really craving his usual Friday meal, some vegetable soup from his favorite diner. He arrives, sits down at his table and asks the waiter for the usual.

"One bowl of vegetable soup, please!" The waiter responds "I'm so sorry sir, but the gentle...

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get...

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A Cruise Ship wrecks and 7 survivors make it to a nearby deserted island...

A cruise ship wrecked and 7 survivors made it to a nearby deserted island, 6 male and 1 female. As luck would have it the island had a freshwater lake and plenty of fruit trees to keep the survivors alive. After a few days of being stuck on the island the survivors began craving their animalistic ...

Come on guys. We're almost there.

A guy's wife in pregnant and getting cravings for unusual foods. One day she decides she just has to have snails and sends him to the store to get some. He goes downtown to the fancy seafood store and buys a bunch of live snails for making escargot. They put the snails in a paper bag and tell him to...

A Rabbit with a Texan accent hops into a sandwich bar

One day, a rabbit with a strong Texan accent hops his way into a five-star sandwich bar well-known for it's fantastic toasties. He goes up to the vendor, who asks:

"What will you having, sir?"

To which the rabbit replies,

"Ah will be havin' one of your finest cheese an' onion t...

My friend just asked me what I wanted to eat...

I told him "I'm Craving Five Guys" and now he's awkwardly avoiding me.

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True story.

You ever pass wind and it does not smell like you would expect? I an driving to work one day and fart and to my surprise it smelled exactly like a whopper with cheese. At first I was a little amused but then the cravings hit. I skipped breakfast and all morning long I can only think about lunch and ...

An elderly woman gets picked up up for shoplifting...

...a can of peaches at the local grocery store. When she arrives at the courthouse for her hearing, the judge asks her "Why did you steal the can of peaches?" to which she replies "Because I was craving peaches very badly and had no money, sir. I am very sorry." The judge sits and thinks for a minut...

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A man with really bad stamina in bed

A man has the hottest wife in the world, who loves sex a lot. Problem was, he had can't even last 5 minutes in bed, no matter what he tried.

So he goes to see a doctor, who suggests that about an hour before sex he should masturbate, that way he'll be a bit less likely to cum as quickly.
<...

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A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.

He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had sex in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have Chinaman Charlie out back if you...

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