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73 Jokes

Donald Trump just turned 73

which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

My in depth research says that 73% people are good at maths

The rest 37% are dumbasses though

While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"

The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and tha...

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Sex at 73.

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have

sex at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too

far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street.

I don't even have to cross the road!

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Uranus is big enough to hold 73 Earths

74 if you relax

The economy in the UK...

... is getting so dire that the elderly aren't getting to enjoy their retirement.

The BBC interviewed 73 year old Charles from Windsor: "despite having a generous government pension, I've had to start working today."

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

Donald Trump is 73 years old and doesnt wear glasses

Because he's got 2020.



P.S. - I'm not even from America so pls dont hate me

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3.

I read that 73% of apple farmers are functionally illiterate

But it's okay, because they can still live fruitful lives.

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An engineer goes to hell

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..." At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on thi...

This guy had a 73 win streak until I played with him.

Then, he had a 74 win streak.

01101000011011110110010101110011 , 68 6f 65 73 , .... --- . ...

I've got hoes in codes.

Bert, at 75 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to wear them home to show the missus.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret at age 73, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen...

People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.

USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture

The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presen...

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

That pretty much sums up the 70s

70+71+72+73+74+75+76+77+78+79 = 745

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Statistics show that 73% of people don't have enough fibre in their diets.

Ah well, tough shit

I like my temperature like I like my Rock and Roll.

67 to 73.

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An elderly Jew bolts into a church confessional

St Patrick’s Cathedral. He pulls the curtain and says , “Father. My name is Saul Hershkowitz. I’m 73 years old and I’ve been with a 22 year old girl. The priest says “Saul, wait a minute. You’re Jewish. Why are you telling me this? And the man says “Hey Father, I’m telling everybody”

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If my wife had a dollar for every time I made a sexist joke about her...

She’d have $0.73

My fortune teller is such a fraud, said my dad would live a long life but he died at 51

I wish my dad could live longer like our chef who completed 73 years yesterday.

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

The veteran’s affairs office requests several ex-soldiers to come by and hear about a new pension plan.

“Alright men,” the official begins, “we’ve tried out a lot of pension plans in the past and none of them have worked out. At this point, we’re winging it. We’re going to measure between two points of your body, and whatever the distance is in inches, that’s how many thousand dollars you’ll get. So t...

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72 virgins say hi

Get in here doofus! The Reddit Enthusiasts Meetup is about to start!

73 virgins sit down.

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Sitting next to an old guy at the bar.

He says to me "When I was 16, I couldn't bend my dick using both hands. Now I'm 73 and I can push it over with my little finger. Does that mean I'm getting stronger?"

Faithful Wife

On the occasion of their 50th Anniversary, a man asked his wife, "Honey, you have been with me through thick and thin, and gave me constant love and support, however I just have to know whether you have actually been faithful to me all this time."

To which the wife replies, "To be honest, I h...

I'm 100% me.

I'm 73% bad at math, and 27% full of self doubt.

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A Navy Admiral, Air Force General, and Marine General are prepping for retirement...

The VA clerk explains to them, “Gentlemen, we are going to try out a new policy. Pick 2 points on your body and whatever the distance in inches between them is, that will determine your annual retirement pay.”

The Navy Admiral steps forward and says, “Well let’s make this easy. I want you to ...

Sad to hear of the passing of Liesl von Trapp

at the age of 73, going on 74.

My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...

She is currently winning 73 to 68

My good deed for the day

In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you’ve got to help out so I helped her put it all back.

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing at the end of the path, as he had done at the close of every day for the last 73 turnings of the Earth. Never farther, for it was as far North as he ever went, and he came this far only to pour out his sorrows to the fin...

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A guy gets a job on a construction site. On his first morning, the foreman is showing him around...

... when one of the workers there puts his tools down, hops up on a cinder block, and shouts out, "73!" All the other workers laugh uproariously.

A few minutes later, another worker goes over to the cinder block and shouts out, "12!" Again, everyone laughs. Puzzled, the new guy asks the fore...

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A man walks into a bar with an ostrich.

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich. He sits down at the bar, and the bartender asks him: "What can I get ya?"
The man: "I'll have two whiskeys please."
"That'll be $5.56.
The man pulls out exactly 5 dollars and 56 cents from his pocket. He puts it down on the bar, takes his whiskey, dri...

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Dad joke? Dad joke.

My father, who is still pretty spry at the age of 73, has been single for about 20 years.
On a recent trip to the doctors office he requested a half-dose prescription of Viagra.
The doctor asked him, "Why only a half-dose, Jack? I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone."
He replied, "Oh,...

Peter wanted to renovate his house ...

He knocked everything old down and tore off the wallpapers. With the house being full of nooks and crannies, he was struggling to calculate what amount of new wallpapers to buy.

Luckily he heard his neighbour Jimmy coming home and asked him how many rolls he bought, when he was rapapering his...

Burning Rubber

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.

On the first night ...

Toll Joke my buddy made up.

A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young ne...

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A Couple Meet Online

They were both members of a senior chat site, and eventually started PMing each other, and then decided to meet in person.

That's when she discovered her mistake: she thought it was for seniors in college, where she was a cheerleader, but it was actually senior citizens. Her date was 73 year...

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Another joke for married golfers

Paul invites his friend John to go golfing and John says "Sure, I'll be there at 8:00 or 8:30". This seems weird, but Paul agrees.

The next day John arrives at 8:00 and golfs right-handed, shooting a 75. "Holy shit!" his friend says, "That's awesome. Want to golf again tomorrow?" John say...

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6 people on a private jet

There are 6 people a private jet flying across the states. The pilot comes out of the cockpit and says "well, this plane is going down, and there are only 5 parachutes so yall can fight over the other 4", and he jumps. Leaving 4. Then a middle aged man in a lab coat says ,"well im a leading scientis...

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender. As he is ordering his drink, he sees a jar full of money in the counter.



He then asks the bartender what tha jar is all about, to which he replies with, "Oh, the jar is part of a challenge I decided to set up for the patrons of the bar. Winner takes a...

The Spoon

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.

However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pock...

Stuttering Sam the S-S-S-Salesman

Three guys, Adam, Barry and Sam, got hired by Mike the Manager to sell bibles door-to-door. First day of work, they had a quick meeting with Mike and they were each given a separate area of the city that they were to try to sell their bibles. They were to go out, use their best judgment as to the lo...

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