My wife of 61 years said let's go upstairs and make love.
I told her "Choose one, I can't do both."
Great news! The U.S. is now 61.7% fully vaccinated ...
... and 28.4% fully dewormed.
I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.
Those are only available on Amazon Prime.
I think my girlfriend has slept with 61 people before me
She keeps calling me her 62nd lover
A guy turns 61 and to cheer himself up he gets a facelift. It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?”
It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?” and the girl goes “I don’t know...53?” He says “ well that’s great, I’m actually 61.“ Later that day, he goes to McDonal...
A man is driving down a highway when he hears a newsflash:
"A warning to all drivers: We've just heard that a vehicle is driving down **US-61** in the wrong direction!" "What do you mean, 'a vehicle'? grumbles the driver. "There's hundreds of them!"
I just lasted 61 mins in bed a new record!
Thanks Daylight savings time...
My dad passed away a few months ago, today would've been his 61 birthday. Blame him for my sense of humor.
My sister messaged me. "How are you doing?" I Responded. "My elbow hurts and I have a cold sore on my tongue." "Two lessons learned, don't fight a hooker and don't kiss one."
Awkward college reunions
At the 40th college reunion, Peter met his classmate he hadn't seen since graduation. "John," he said, "you look just like you did in college. You really haven't changed a bit."
"I know," said John. " It was terrible going through college looking like a 61- year old."
I just got awake from sleep, after 61 days
April Fools :D
got it ; 61 days ..earlier ..from today right, no ? alright move on :|
The Geography of a Woman
The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...
[Long] The population of this country is 300 million.
60 million are retired.
That leaves 240 million to do the work.
There are 95 million in school.
Which leaves 145 million to do the work.
Of this there are 22 million employed by the government.
Leaving 123 million to do the work.
61 million are disabled. ...
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double....
A very old couple is seeking a divorce
The attorney asked: "How long have you been married?"
"60 years" the old man said. "61!" the old woman corrects him.
"Well why now? Why do you want a divorce"? asks the attorney.
"I've wanted a divorce for at least 50 years" says the old man. "I cannot stand this woman. Ne...
Lindsey was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.
He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... it was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.
Heard of the Fibonacci soup?
Apparently , the ingredients are : Yesterday's soup and day before yesterday's soup. Price : $1.61
I was in Sainsburys earlier today
And a dear old lady at the front of the checkout queue had just had her trolley full of Xmas shopping scanned. The bill came to £61.17. She emptied all her notes & coins onto the counter & with the help of the checkout girl began counting it all up. It came to £59.85. She then started sobbin...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Geography of a Woman vs a Man
Between 18 & 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 23 & 30 a woman is like America... well developed & open to trade, especially for high financed investors.
Between 31 & 45 a woman is like India... ver...
A man walks into an Irish pub...
...sits down at the bar and orders a pint. A man in the corner of the bar stands up and yells "42!" The whole bar bursts into laughter. The man at the bar looks around in utter confusion. As the bar tender hands over the pint to the man, an old fellow sitting next to him screams out "61" and again t...
My dad had a strict rule where I couldn't go on dates if my age was on the clock...
I can't wait to be 61.
One day, an angry man ran into the computer shop with his laptop. He shouted at the man on duty,"Your company's website said that this computer would weigh 4.6 pounds. But when I weighed it on my scale, it showed that it weighed 4.61 pounds! I want my money back!" The man on duty replied," I'm sorry...
A teacher and her student practice counting
Teacher: OK now, 61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69...what comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash That student was sent home