92 Jokes - 42 Hilarious 92 Jokes

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or com...

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My Grandma Has Been Walking 5 Miles a Day Since She Was 57. She's 92 Now...

And we have no idea where the fuck she is.

My grandpa (age 92) told me this joke.

"I'm getting so old that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning... And I have oatmeal every morning."

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Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

This sums up the 90s

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945

Our towns oldest paperboy died this morning at 92.

94 are wondering where their Daily Mail's got to.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 92% of their body.

Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Today I learned that 92% of people will believe everything you say...

...as long as you start by saying "Today I learned..."

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Doctors advice to a 92 year old man marrying a 26 year old woman

Doctor: At this age sex can be fatal

Man: I don’t fuckin care if she dies!

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."

T...

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So, there was this accordion player who just finished his 4th bar mitzvah of the week. He tossed his accordion in the back of his '92 Geo Metro hatchback and took off for home.

As he drove, he rolled the windows down (with a manual handcrank) because his air conditioning was broken.

He tried to play his favorite cassette tape, Polka Floyd, but the music screetched to a halt as the tape from the cassette got hopelessly tangled in the tape deck.

More than a li...

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My 92 year old husband was on his deathbed

My 92 year old husband was on his deathbed after a long illness, and I asked him whether, looking back over his long and eventful life, he had any regrets.

"The only thing I regret is that I never won anything," he told me.

I squeezed his hand, "yes you did," I smiled.

"You won ...

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities.

I scored 100%, 92%, and 88%

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Studies show that 92% of people masturbate. Do you know what the other 8% does instead?

Yeah... me neither.

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A 92 year old man I randomly met told me this one: What do you get when you cross a turkey and a cat?

A pussy gobbler.

Got checked out by cute girl

The total was $3.92

A priest went into the country to pay a visit to a 92 year old church member whom he had not seen for many years...

She welcomed him into her home. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea, curiosity got the ...

What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?

Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.

>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month

I was at the eye doctor with my 92 year old dad and they were asking people if they’d mind answering a few questions while they waited for their appointments. My dad said sure and we sat down in a corner with this lady.

She went through her survey and, at the end, asked him for his greatest strengths and weaknesses.

“Well, weaknesses...” he said “I guess I sometimes have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality”

"And your greatest strength?” She asked.

“Oh, I’m the Batman”

A lady finds out that she is pregnant, but she is worried.

He husband has anger management issues, yelling a lot, breaking things, really horrible to be around. She doesn't want her kids to be like that, so she asks her doctor for advice. Her doctor says "Rub your belly once a day every day and say 'Be polite, be polite.' "

So she starts doing so. Bu...

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

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An old bloke woke up, to celebrate 92nd birthday...

He spoke to his toes. He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know, you're 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”

“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? Yo...

What is half of 99?

92.

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This guy was cruising along a deserted Texas highway on his way to work..

doing 92 mph in an 85 zone. As he crests a slight hill he gets nailed by a highway patrolman running radar. Easing over onto the shoulder and coming to a stop, the officer walks up to the car and asks "License and registration please, and where the hell are you going in such a hurry?"

The...

Exercising when you get older is so important!

My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 65.

Now she's 92 and we don't know where the hell she is.

The dying chemist tells his assistant..

To check the following numbers in the periodic table. Confused, but still wishing to follow his directions, he listens carefully and the chemist lists down the numbers, 10, 23, 47, 8, 7, 47, 53, 23, 63, 92, 15. After listung them down, the assistant tells the chemist he did it, and with a smile, the...

An old lady in a nursing home approaches an old man in the rec room...

She says “Hey there stranger! I’ll bet ya 50 big ones I can tell ya how old you are to the month!

“You’re on!” he responds.

“Aright, I’m gonna need ya to pull down your trousers.” Confused, but not wanting to lose the bet, he does so. She then proceeds to poke & prod at his thighs...

I took my father to the dentist.

My father is very old and frail, so he needs help when he leaves the house. The other day, I had to take him to the dentist.

Due to Covid-19 protocols, every person who went into the building had to have a temperature check. There was a lady and her mother in front of us, and when checked, t...

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

A software engineer died at 45 and went to heaven.

He asked god why he was dead at such an early age. God replied "Son, according to the billable hours you filed in your time sheet you should be 92 by now "

Raging Gamers

A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week.

92% said "your mum"

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The corn drenched in Butter

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.
Luckily, they found a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and somet...

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There was an 80 year old man in a living in a nursing home

For the past few years, he had been dating a 75 year old lady 3 rooms down from him. Every day she would go to his room, sit next to him, pull out his penis, hold it in her hand as the watched the Price is Right. Being 75, she didn't have enough energy to actually do anything, she just held it in he...

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Getting Old

An older couple is driving down to Florida from New Jersey for the winter. The old lady, who has lost much of her hearing, is pulled over at the Florida state line for driving at a high rate of speed.

The officer approaches the vehcile, looks in and asks the lady, "do you know that I clocked ...

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam "Is this a union house?"

“No" she replied "I'm sorry it isn't".

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20" she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized sh...

Passport? What Passport?

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 92, arrived in Paris by plane with his son.

At French customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he ...

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Old men

2 old men Mark and Dennis were sitting on a park bench hanging out, old man Dennis says "hey I wonder how old I am". Mark said "you really want to know, I can help you pull down your pants. Dennis looking at mark all weird said "are you messing with me ?" Mark said "listen do you want to know your...

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Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...

...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.

One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.

Turning to the principal, ...

Before Reddit there was a club dedicated to telling jokes and this is what happened

This club dedicated to telling jokes would meet every month and tell jokes to each other. The best jokes were retold so many times that after a while the club members would simply reference them by number. One evening they were telling jokes as usual:

"Do you remember number 117?"
Lots of ...

True Story of Joke Told at Ft Benning, GA

In class 92-1 of Infantry Officer Basic course we were in a large lecture hall in building 4 at Ft. Benning, GA. Desert Storm had just finished less than a year previously and we were one of the first classes of new infantry officers to get a look at all the cool intelligence from Iraq. We were th...

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