I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

A letter an 83-year-old lady wrote to her grandson.

My dear grandson,



Some days ago, I experienced something wonderful, which I want to share with you.

I went to a religious shop and found a car sticker saying: "Honk if you love God!"

I decided to buy it and stick it on the bumper of my car.

When I went away, I was...

An old woman meets an old man in the hallways of a nursing home…

… “I bet I can guess your age” says the old woman. “Open your pants zipper”.

So the old man opens his zipper and the old woman reaches in there and, after feeling around for a bit, says “you’re 83”.

“Wow” says the old man “how did you know”?

“You told me yesterday” says the old ...

I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I ...

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An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he ha...

My 83 year old grandfather is still trying to be a successful rapper, his name?

Two canes

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83 year old Mr. Jones

83 year old Mr. Jones marries a 60 year old woman, and she worries that he might have a stroke or a heart attack if they have sex. So he goes to a doctor and tells him he needs an examination and a letter saying he's healthy enough for sex. The doctor examines him and finds him to be in great shape,...

Male logic. Another joke from an 83 year old dad.

This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend.
Please note that she asks 5 or 6 questions, which he answered quite simply.
She is speechless after answering only one question.

Critical Thinking At Its Very Best!:


Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Y...

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My grandfather, an 83 year old doctor that still practices, sent me this jokes. Enjoy.

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar : COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure h...

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Apparently the average person has sex 83 times a year

This is going to be a fucking brilliant week

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

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So this dude is like, "Where are you going with all that Element 83?"

and I was like "None of your bismuth"

A man asks a blonde out on a date

Man : You want to go catch a movie later?

Blonde : Sure. Which one?

Man : I'll get us tickets for Wonder woman 84.

Blonde : Oh,Then may be next weekend.

Man: Why wait that long?

Blonde: Well, I need time to watch the first 83 parts.

Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center...

Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby."

G...

I just got back from a shift at Tesco’s..

And while I was working a nice old lady came to my til. I scanned through all her items and it came to £56.83, but after counting up all her change she had just shy of £40.

So I offered to help her, to which she refused but I eagerly insisted. I thought this is probably someone’s Nan, and I’...

I know I shouldn't have done this, but...

... I am 83 years old.   I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning.  The young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.  So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.  The cashier must have ...

If I had a nickel for everytime I failed a math test.

I'd have 83 cents

Sad Old Man

There once was an old man. During his life, he had started his own tech company, married a beautiful woman and had two children who moved on to be successful mechanical engineers. He also vehemently argued against Christianity, Buddhism and Islam and proclaimed that the only reasonable religious vie...

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17% of car accidents are caused by drunk drivers.

That means that 83% are caused by sober drivers.

When will these damn sober jerks get off the road so that our safety can be multiplied by 6?

The new guy is settling in his prison cell...

When all of a sudden, one of the prisoners yells:

"83!!!!"

And every prisoner starts laughing. The new guy looks at his cell mate and asks what's going on. So his cell mate explains

"Since we always tell the same jokes, we just refer to them by number to save time."

Then ...

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So a man sits down at a bar that has a huge jar full of cash on it...

The man calls the bartender and says "Hey, what's the jar for?" The bartender tells the man that the bar has a challenge where if a customer can complete 3 tasks they will take home all the money in the jar, but if they lose, they have to empty their wallet into it. The man sizes up the jar and asks...

A fifty year old lawyer who has been...

A fifty year old lawyer who has been practicing since he was 25 passed away and arrived at the pearly gates for judgment.

The lawyer said to St. Peter:

"There must be some mistake. I am only 50 years old, and that's far too young to die."

St. Peter frowned and consulted his book...

Old man says to old woman, “I bet you can’t guess how old I am.”

She responds, “I bet I can. Unzip your pants”

The guy is shocked but plays along. The woman sticks her hand in his pants and feels him up for a few minutes before saying, “You’re 83!”

The old guy is astonished and says, “I am 83! How did you know?”

The old lady says, “You told ...

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simp...

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .

"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."



"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."



"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.



"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.

A man stumbles upon a group of Redditors

One yells out 58 and they all start giggling. The man is puzzled and asks them what's so funny.

A Redditor tells him that they know all the jokes and instead of telling them, they just say the numbers assigned to the joke and they all remember it and laugh.

The man turns to the reddito...

With all the sadness and trauma

going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which went almost un-noticed.



Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully on 11 April 2016 aged 83.



The most traumatic part for his family was get...

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There was a major research project to find out how men became gay

They found that 17 percent of them felt they were born gay, the other 83 percent were sucked into it.

Golf Shoes

Paul, at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples so, seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them. He was so delighted with his purchase, he decided to wear them home to show the missus.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitc...

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Legacies are a funny thing

I was visiting my grandparents in Italy and one night I sat down with my grandfather to ponder life. After several drink my grandfather brings me to the terrace and points out over the city.
He says to me “John, legacies are a funny thing.”
He points over to city hall “John do you see this b...

Do women deserve to be paid as much as men?

You bet your bottom 83 cents!

A man ends up in prison and makes friends with his cellmate.

After a couple months of being harassed and bothered as it par for the course in a minimal security prison, he's sitting in his cell with his cell mate. From a floor down he hears someone yell, "NUMBER 37." Everyone within earshot is dying of laughter. His cellmate yelled out, "NUMBER 52!!" Everyone...

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Two guys named Bob are walking by a nuclear reactor.

Bob starts talking about how his great uncle twice removed worked at a nuclear plant and grew an extra arm.
Other Bob says, "well that would be awesome, I could use an extra arm."
Bob says, "oh, I think it could only happen to me, it's in my genetics."
Other Bob gets mad. "Bullshit, I could...

Alzheimers..

This old guy and old lady are sitting in a nursing home when the guy turns to the woman and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am". The lady says "I'll bet I can, unzip your pants", so he does, she sticks her hand in, feels around, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says "WOW! Th...

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A pint, a dog and an old lady

A guy goes into a bar and as he orders a drink he notices a jar at the end of the bar full of money. He says to the barman "what's that about?" to which the barman replies "you pay a tenner and have to complete 3 challenges, if you are successful you win all the money in the jar. Would you like to t...

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At geography class

Little Jon is at school reading his geography book in class. The teacher tries to surprise him:

- Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers:

- Page 83.

What did the man with mercury poisoning say?

It's 83 degrees Fahrenheit and 28 degrees Celsius.

I heard that you only use like 10% of your brain.

That leaves what, 82-83%?

So this hot girl checked me out today...

The total was $7.83

this one comes from the end of a drew carey special back in the 90's: there's an old man & an old woman in a nursing home...

old man says, 'bet you can't guess how old i am!'

she says, 'yeah? unzip your fly!' he does; she reaches in a feels around for a bit, then says: 'you're 83!'

he says, 'that's amazing! how'd you know that?'

she says, 'you told me yesterday.'

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