42 Jokes - 62 Hilarious 42 Jokes

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42 years

been married 42 years this year.

after all these years

the wife still thinks i'm sexy

every time i walk by

she says "what an ass"

What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°?

A Nice-osceles triangle.

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

A brunette woman was walking along a set of railroad tracks, repeating to herself, "42, 42, 42. 42, 42, 42."

A blonde woman saw the brunette and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm just walking along a railroad track and saying 42, 42, 42," replied the brunette.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure."

So the two women walked along the track repeating, "42, 42, 42. 42, 42, 42."

Another bl...

My brother recently seen an ad on kijiji for a 42" TV.

Boy was he shocked when a crossdressing little person showed up at his door.

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42% of strippers are working their way through college

According to the latest pole

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For Sale. 42 inch TV. Volume button doesn't work $20.

A deal you can't turn down

Stone.

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper....

I'm 42 years old, but I have the body of a 19 year old!

She left when I opened the freezer.

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

With my Dad's military service, how did it take me 42 years to realize

I can call him the SEAL of Disapproval.

Why was 42 the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Because it's the most fortuitous number.

What has 50 legs and 42 teeth?

The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42...

NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42
Dragon steak for lunch, and Unicorn pie for dinner.

Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

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NSFW An upset older gentleman calls his doctor. "Doctor Smith," it's Harold Renquist." "How can I help you today, Harold?" "Doctor, it's my wife of 42 years, Ethel. I think she's dead." "What do you mean you "think" she's dead?" asked the doctor.

"Well," said Harold, "the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up in the sink”

TIFU by being dyslexic and kidnapping 42 people

Sorry, wrong bus.

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Let's go to Hooters!

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At **age 32** they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where do you wanna go?"
...

The US reports that 42% of all new Covid-19 cases will come from abroad.

They think her name is "Karen."

So far 42 out of 43 presidents actually ran for office.

FDR just kind of rolled himself in there.

Someone is selling a 42" Smart Tv for just £70.

There's something wrong with the volume control, but for that price you can't turn it down.

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

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In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

A lawyer dies and ends up in hell.

“There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 42 years old!”

“Just 42? That doesn't sound right.” says Satan.

The lawyer says, "Thank you so much, this must be some kind of mix up."

"Ah, here we have it," says Satan. "According to our calculati...

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If a man using a prostitute has to run 42 kilometers away from the police...

Is that a Johnathon?

A driver stops to ask a man for directions

"What's the fastest route to the city," she asks.

"I don't know," the man replies, "but last week I took road 42."

"And that went well?" asks the driver.

"I'd say so, yes."

The driver, happy with the answer, thanks the man and drives on.

A little while later, howev...

I managed to achieve my personal best yesterday of holding my breath underwater for an incredible 8 minutes and 42 seconds!

It all started at my local swimming pool when a woman shouted out to her husband, "That's him, over there!"

Two old men playing golf

Two old men are out on the golf course one morning playing their usual round of golf when a funeral procession comes down the street next to the green on which they are putting. One of the old men notices the procession and immediately stops in the middle of his putt. He calmly steps away from his b...

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Two teenagers are talking about their girlfriends

Rick: My babe is 18 already and has huge tits, what about yours?

Josh: She is 42 and amazing in bed, like you wouldn't believe.

Rick: 42?! She could be your mother, man!

Josh: Could be. But she's yours.

My IQ dropped from 70 to 42. I was worried. Then I checked again, it was 110. I was shocked, I checked again to find it was 150. I rushed to the doctor.

She told me it's my pulse and not my IQ.

Catholic

Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my s...

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Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

My brother has a government job

He gets 42 cents per hour.

A foreign doctor opens a new clinic

A foreign doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."...

eBay is useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 42,810 matches.

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An avid golfer

A guy played golf every Saturday for 45 years. His goal was to break par. He came close a few times but never even got to par let alone under par.

One Saturday he was in the zone. At the 18th joke he’s even par. The 18th is a par 5 all he needs is a birdie. He hits his tee shot right down th...

Just the punchline

r/jokes is full of good humor … and a lot of reposts. This thread is for redditors to post the punchlines of their favorite jokes, and others can put in the jokes, otherwise comment, or just say 42 or whatever.

Go!

My 28yo wife asked me how old does she look

Apparently, 42 is not the answer to everything

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl with one hand.

It's 42.

The Truth About Managers

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: :Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “Yes. Y...

A man had excruciating headaches

So he decided once and for all to go see a specialist to see what can be done.

After extensive scans and tests the doctor calls him in and gives him the bad news.
"I'm very sorry sir, you have a very rare case in which your nuts press up against the base of your spine which, in turn, is ...

Two older men are golfing on a beautiful spring day.

As they approach the 8th hole, a funeral procession passes by on the road. One man takes off his hat and looks down solemnly until it passes, then resumes walking.

"Wow," says the other man. "I have never seen such thoughtfulness by someone busy with a game of golf!"

The first man repl...

Just got a scam email sent to me..

It was titled "Squadron 42 Update"

Today I saw the hottest girl alive!

She had a running fever of 42 C (\~108 F) and still breathing. Tough chick to fry.

I was tailgating this guy down the street when he stopped his car and got out.

I gulped as the muscular specimen strode over to my driver's window and said, "Problem, sir?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

A man spends his first night in prison...

Right after lights out, he is surprised to hear someone yell "42!", after which the entire cell block erupts in laughter.

Soon after, another inmate yells "17!", and again there's uproarious laughter and applause.

He asks his cellmate to explain. His cellmate tells him that all th...

I was 35 when 2020 started...

It's June and I'm 42.

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Ant

1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants
2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important
3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant
4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant
5. A spy ant = Informant
6. A very little ant = Infant
7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant
8. ...

From a post on Twitter

My neighbor just whipped out the fireworks.

I would like to wish everyone a happy 8:42 PM!

So a brunette is walking back and forth across railroad tracks...

...and ever time she crosses she says, "42! 42! 42!"

A blonde happens upon her and is perplexed by what she is seeing. After watching her a while, the blonde determines that it looks like fun, and joins the brunette on the tracks saying, "42! 42! 42!"

Soon the Five O'clock Express come...

Two white mice chat...

The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?"

The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"

Vote me down to oblivion but still the answer is 42!

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Melbourne is beginning to look a lot like a MILF

42 and fucking HOT

My dad is a bitcoin trader

I asked, "Dad, could you lend me a tenner please?"

Dad - "£9.42? What do you need £11.63 for?

Hospital: on the down side we lost power and back up power last night...

In the bright side we now have 42 open beds

And the solution for Brexit is.

A student is failing his classes, so he goes to the teacher with a bet

"I will tell you a riddle. You have an entire week to solve it. If you do, I am giving you 500€, if you don't, you give me an A"

"I accept"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The teacher thinks and thinks the entire week, but d...

Son, I killed 15 people in Vietnam

”Dad, you’re 42.”

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What was the similarity between jews and shoe sizes?

... There were more in 42 than in 46.

The WiFi was down in the morning.

Discovered that the bathroom had 42 tiles.

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Bill suffered an excruciating pain in his balls since childhood. No doctor could ever diagnose what was wrong with them. So finally, they suggested him to get them operated.

After the operation, now being a free man, with slightly lesser pain than earlier, he was happy and wanted to start his life afresh. So he went to the garments shop closest to the hospital.

'Excuse me, I'd like to buy a suit, could you please take my measures?' said Bill to the owner of the s...

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A middle aged couple are golfing when

The man hits his ball far off the green and it smashes through the window of a small shack just by the side of the course. Figuring they need to apologise and pay, the couple go to the shack.

When they knock on the door, and elderly man comes out and starts thanking them profusely, pointing t...

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How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

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