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68 Jokes

Cop: You were going 68 in a 55

Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little higher so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?

Cop: Sure whatever

[Later in traffic court]

Judge: How the hell were you going 420 in a 55?

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.


At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed....

I asked my girlfriend to 68 today

She said “What’s that?”

I said “That’s when you blow me and I owe you one.”

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A couple, both aged 68...

A couple, both age 68, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have interco...

What comes after 68? 69. Then what comes after 69?

Listerine.

A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep

I said 'Sure, seventy'.

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years

That's mean

Why can Miss Piggy only count to 68?

Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat!

I told my wife we should try new things in bed, like a 68

"What's a 68?" she asked.

"You give me head and I owe you one."

why is 68 the speed limit for women in bed?

At 69 they blow a rod.

An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into...

Bad move by Boris Johnson promising 68 million people christmas

Its all ended in tiers

01101000011011110110010101110011 , 68 6f 65 73 , .... --- . ...

I've got hoes in codes.

I asked my ol’lady if she wanted to do a 68,....she asked, what’s a 68?

Well you blow me and I owe you 1! She said how bout a 77?, i said a 77?, ya that way I get 8 more!

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Last night the wife and I tried a 68.

She gave me a blow job and I told her I owe her 1.

What is 68....?

A pre position!

Why is the top speed for a Tesla 68?

Because sparks fly when you reverse polarity.

A 68 year old man walks into a confessional one morning. The priest asked what the man wants to tell him.

The man says, "Well I went to see my buddies last night to play rummy, the game broke up about ten. On the way home, I felt like a drink, so I stopped by the bar. This pretty young lady about maybe 25 started talking to me, and the chemistry was there. Before I knew it, we were at her place. We made...

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

...

Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.

convict: (whispers to lawyer)

lawyer: my client has requested that you add one more year.

I took me 3 minutes to walk to the bar and 68 minutes to walk back

The difference is staggering

A lot of people love the 69 position, personally I'm a fan of the 68...

That's where you blow me and I owe you one!

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...

**Gneiss!**

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How fast does a woman go while having sex?

68 . . . Once she hits 69 she blows a rod

A man needed to prepare for a date so he went to a local pharmacy

After finding the condom section, he selected a box and went to the register.

The cashier scanned the box and stated "OK, that'll be $7.68 including tax."

At this, the man blinked and said "Tax? I thought these things stayed on by themselves!"

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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

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My woman wanted to try new things to spice up sex.

I told her to come over and I would show her the improvement on the 69. She got pissed when I told her it's called the 68. You suck my dick and I owe you one.

My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.

A man is pulled over for speeding.

Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?

Man: No sir.

Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.

Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to s...

The Saucer

TM: the man
SO: shop owner

Outside a shop, a man sees a cat drinking from a saucer. He notices that the cat is drinking from a very rare, silve saucer. He goes inside and says

TM "I'll buy that cat for 2$"

SO"Thats my cat, he's not for sale" the shop owner replies.

TM...

Math Problem

Today's Math Problem:

If George is 68 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?

I’m getting one of the first covid shots

I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I’m 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said “Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.”




Edit f...

Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because in the last fight with 68, 71

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor.

After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the young doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming and yelling. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was.

After listening to her story, he calmed her down and asked h...

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.

The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."

And she did just that. She got pr...

A man is pulled over for speeding

A man is pulled over for speeding.

The officer says “Sir, did you know you were going 68mph in a 60 zone?”

The man replies “68? Uh, is there any way you could make it slightly higher? I... I think it would be funny to hear a judge say it.”
The very confused officer agrees to his r...

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Guess how old I am?

In this small retirement home, there was an old lady who just turned 68 years old. She decided to go visit the other dorms so that the residents could wish her a happy birthday.

The first room she goes to there was another old lady drinking tea. "It's my birthday!" said the birthday lady. "Wi...

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So the wife gets home, horny, and asks if the husband wants to do a 69...

... Husband says "that's great honey, but I'm really tired today, mind if we do a 68?"

To which she replies" sure, but what is a 68?"

"you suck my dick and I'll owe you one"

Speeding ticket

A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.

[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Fri...

My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...

She is currently winning 73 to 68

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Three racehorses were standing around their paddock

The first one says, "I've won 15 of my last 26 races."

The second one says, "I've won 20 of my last 30 races."

The third one says, "I've won 25 of my last 40 races."

A greyhound happens to be walking by. He stops and says, "I don't mean to brag, but I've won 68 of my last 70 ra...

Traveling salesmen and the farmer

A traveling salesmen is driving through the country one evening when his car breaks down. He walks to the nearest farm house and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, he explains his situation and kindly asks to use his phone.

The farmer replies “Well we haven’t got a phone here, but ...

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A guy is out looking for a hooker for the night...

...one of them offers him a 69. He'd never heard of this sex act before, so he decides to hire this lady and try it out.

They got to his house, got undressed and started the foreplay. They then got into the 69 position and began pleasuring each other, unfortunately the hooker got too excited ...

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