79 Jokes

We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing

1) Always 2) Coming 3) From 4) Take 5) Me 6) Down


:D

81

Thanks for the gold!

But Death is too scared to let him know.

Some one honked at him and he yelled “your horn blows better than your mother!”

I have a C++

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

The husband replies, "Remarry? No way! I'd be too devestated by your death, I could never replace you."

The wife insists that her husband take a new wife, "If I go before you, I would hate for you to be alone. Please tell me you'd find a new wife."

The husband promises to honor his wi... read more

His funeral is at 10/1.

he wakes up and says to his crew, "AYE-matey!"

Though on the bright side, the number is decreasing!

~ Everyone, Pompeii, 79 A.D.

70+71+72+73+74+75+76+77+78+79 = 745

He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"


The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i ... read more

A man is sitting at a bus stop waiting for his bus to go to work. There are no cars on the road, just a young boy in the middle of the street jumping on top of a manhole cover shouting, "78! 78! 78!"

The man notices the boy and asks him, "What are you doing in the middle of the street?"
... read more

Said everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhapp... read more

We shall draft 79 women.

Beer nuts are $1.79

Deer nuts are just under a buck

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and... read more

An 79 year old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-seven years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. “I’m sick of her fac... read more

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"

He said, “Yep, they’re 79 cents each or two for a dollar.” She said, “Okay, give me two, I’ll eat one.”

we have to 79

The teller makes the calculation and gives her $80.44.

Mrs. Chang returns the next Friday and puts a 500 yuan note on the counter. The teller puts down $79.94.

Mrs. Chang says "Last week you give me $80.44, but now I get $79.94. Tell me why it changed!"

The teller showed her t... read more

Mannequin challenge champions since 79 AD.

...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.

9/11 Jumpers. They went 79 stories in 10 seconds.

Einstein: Hey Mr Bean, let's play a game. I would ask you a question. If you can't answer it, you will have to give me ten dollars. You ask me a question and if I can't answer it I would give you a thousand dollars.

Bean: Okay, we can play that.

Einstein: What's the percentage of Nitro... read more

One man at the convention stands and yells "23", and everyone laughs. Another stands and yells "57" and everyone continues laughing. A third stands and yells "243" and everyone is howling with laughter.

Mark turns to his friend and says "I'm confused, they're just saying numbers, why is every... read more

The man doesn't look up from his book, but he hears the girl. She sounds really upset and, through tears, she says, "37."

The man finds this odd, but he's very interested in his book, so he disregards it. But the girl keeps crying--tears streaming down her face--until she finally yells out un... read more

An immigrant from an Arab Muslim country was bragging that in HIS country there are 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently. "That's amazing. Where I come from
there's really only one."

"Oh," sniffed the foreigner, "just one? And which way is that?"... read more

Bubba n' Buford jes left Texas A&M where they'd attend a seminar entitled "Advanced Composting" n' were a headin' back up Highway 79 towards east Texas. After a bit they got into an argument over whether Marquez was pronounced Mar-KEY or Mar-KAY. Well, they decided since they were about to go ... read more

So he confronts her and she admits that there have been three points of time that she has been unfaithful.

He asks her what the first time was, and she says, "remember when you had your heart attack but couldn't figure out how we paid the doctor?"

He says, "I guess you saved my life, I... read more