71 Jokes

Because they once had a fight and 71.

Because they love digging up the past

2 on the front and 69 on the back.

"Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" h... read more

Cooking

Cleaning

And 69

It’s like a 69, but with two watching.

A spine

Ten-ish shoes

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

70+71+72+73+74+75+76+77+78+79 = 745

I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.

Study shows that if you say 'study shows that' before saying a statement, people are 56% more likely to believe you and this number can increase to 71% if you add a random statistical data and to further amp up this number to 82.3% you can include decimals in that number as well.

Netflix: £71.99
Prime Video: £79.99
Disney+: £59.99
University: £9200

walks into a divorce attorney’s office. The attorney asks what he can do for them. They reply that they want to divorce. The attorney asks how long they’ve been married. 71 years is the answer. Attorney asks why a divorce after so many years of marriage. Husband replies “we wanted to wait until all ... read more

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, It is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

...Sweden and Norway for decades. The swedes held an impressive record of 71 wins against 0 for the norwegians.

In this year's competition, as soon as the chronometer started, the swedes started getting some fish. After 1 minute, the swedes had 10 fish and the norwegians 0. After 5 minutes, i... read more

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.


He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."


"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

... read more

To try to make it fancier, The gentleman brought his brand new land Rover Defender to pick her up. The young lady was impressed by the classic SUV as her dad used to own an old one, much to the delight of the young man, he then proceeded to discuss all it's features in comparison to the older models... read more

When she turns 71, she asks "why havent you got me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."

My nan starting running when she was 65, she's 71 now and we've no idea where she is.

What's the difference between undressing a 21 year old woman & a 71 year old woman?





Depends

A newcomer is escorted to a cell by three heavily armed guards. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he notices he has a cellmate. All of a sudden, someone shouts, "71!" Everybody in the prison starts cracking up.

The newcomer asks his cellmate why they were all laughing. He responds, "After a... read more

One morning, an inmate was sitting around with a group of guys and just says “26” and everyone starts laughing. A second inmate says “71” and everyone laughs even harder. A third inmate says “37” and no one reacts. He repeats “37” and still no one laughs. Quite frustrated, he says, “I don’t understa... read more

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,... read more

Joe and his wife Martha went to the annual show every year and each time Joe would say: “Martha, I’d like to ride in that plane.”

And every year Martha would reply: “I know Joe, but that plane ride costs $10, and $10 is $10.”

One year Joe and Martha went to the fair and he said: “Marth... read more