UPJOKE
yearilxxsixty-ninecardinal6871676673727463625961

69 Jokes

69

A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she ca...

What does 69 plus 69 equal ?

Dinner for 4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.

Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked to do a 69

I said "what’s that?" she said "lay down an I’ll show you" so she went to squat over my face.

as she did she farted and jumped up and said "sorry" and then tried again, she then farted a 2nd time.

with that I jumped up an said "I’m off, I’m fucked if I’m hanging around for another 67 o...

So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69

The boy doesn’t know about 69 so the girl takes the lead.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, thi...

How do you call it when two short people do 69?

ea

Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

My Chinese wife never understands what I want when I say "69". It's getting really frustrating.

On the other hand, I do like beef with broccoli in sweet and sour sauce.

What is the square root of 69?

8 something

A wife wants to try 69 with her husband

The husband says “what’s that”

“I’ll show you” the wife says

The wife then straddles the husbands face and farts. The wife then scurries off embarrassed.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to do that let me try again” says the wife

The wife straddles the husbands face and once again fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wanted to try 69 with his girlfriend

Right in the middle the man realizes he has a dentist appointment. So he pops up and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth 3 times. He uses mouth wash twice and flosses once for good measure.

He gets to the dentist office just in time and his dentist calls him in. Dentist says open wid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

69 joke

A married couple where the woman is more sexually experienced than the husband, likes to try new things regularly. One day the woman comes home and says “today we’re going to try 69”. The husband asks “what’s that?”. The wife says “don’t worry about it, just do what I say and it will be great!”. She...

What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°?

A Nice-osceles triangle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a man and a woman have simultaneous oral sex, we call it 69. What do we call it if it is two men in a similar position?

Eleven.

What comes after 68? 69. Then what comes after 69?

Listerine.

My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s

He gets really worried because both his parents got Alzheimer’s around that age.

Tells me, son, if I ever start forgetting things or show any symptoms.. I j-ju-just know I can’t go through what they did.

So… please.. just … kill me.

“Dad that’s what you said 5 minutes ago”

What's 69 divided by 2?

Lonely

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between 69 and a ballot paper ?

In 69 you have to look at only one asshole.

Husband: “hey honey, how about a 69 tonight?”

Wife: “the number you have dialed is not in service at this time”

The number 69

Some people think 69 is the perfect number, but the truth is that 9's tired of 6 coming first.

Today, me and my wife had a .69

It would have been a hundred times better without the period.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. below 69?

Your Honor.

Did you know that 69 is now 96?

With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.

Grandchild: grandma have you done 69 before? *grin*

Grandma: no honey, I did only 53, we live in a small community

69

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

Saw 2 druggies having a '69' in the park earlier.

He was on crack, she was on blow.

Where is the best place to 69 in France?

Nice.

Why is 77 better than 69?

Because you get 8 more.

Everyone is a fan of the 69 position but I prefer the 68.

That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...

**Gneiss!**

I was really excited when I picked up a book titled “69 Mating positions”.

Turns out it was about chess.

Chinese 69

As told to me by the father of the groom at a wedding last weekend; he apparently offended the parents of the bride with the same joke the night before. He was getting my opinion as to whether it was really all that offensive.

> A Chinese guy is having trouble falling asleep. Finally at 2a...

TIL 69 originated in a city in the south of France

Nice

Man hires a hooker to try 69 for the first time

A man hires a hooker and they go back to his hotel.

Man: "I have never had a 69 before".

Hooker: "okay lets try that."

They get into position and she farts.

Hooker: "o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me."

she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she...

It's never EVER a good idea to fart during a 69.

That's how they found me underneath their bed.

I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69

She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice

What’s 69 times 2?

Dinner for four.

Meme numbers: 69, 420 and...

The OG number: 5318008 ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night.

She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'

Why is 6.9 the worst number？

It's a 69 interrupted by a period

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

69%

Of people find something sexual in a sentence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

69% OF PEOPLE

Find something sexual in this sentance and remaining 31% have had enough of fucking 69 jokes for one day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Couple doing 69 NSFW

A married couple are doing 69 when they hear a knock on the door. The husband looks outside and sees it's only the paperboy and returns to the bed. The paperboy knocks again. The husband gets pissed off and puts on his robe. Before he leaves the room his wife notices that she has started her period ...

69

What's the worst thing about doing 69 with someone, the view!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cook gets married and the bride is a virgin.

On the wedding night, she cowers under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in bed and tries to gently reassure her.

“Darling,” he says, “I know this is your first time and you are very frightened but I promise you, I'll give you anyting you want, I'll do anyting you want. What ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my girlfriend to 69

She sighed and said, “how bout instead we 9p?”

I got really excited- “I’ve never done that before! How does it work?”

“Well, you lay that way, I lay this way, and then we go the fuck to sleep”

What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals having a 69.

Today I turned 69.

It didn't make a difference.

Son: Dad what is 69?

Dad: Hmmm... well son, it is a position where a man and a woman pleasure each other orally at the same time.

Son: So. What shall I write? Odd or even?

Dad:....

Nsfw. I tell people my ex and I used to 96...

It's like 69, but you lay down facing away from each other and there's no touching.

On a scale of 1-100, how mature are you?

69

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.