In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

The first female president

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive,...

How to prevent World War III.

Make Gabe Newell the president of the USA.

I always thought that World War III was about the last oil reserves.

When it actually will be about the last rolls of toilet paper.

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

"Hello."

William Shakespeare is Meeting Felipe III, the Spanish king at the time...

And after a great first meeting, he finds themselves becoming fast friends. However, he is unsure how now to address his new friend. By his first name? By his title? With deference or informally?
He struggles and struggles.
Finally, after a long sleepless night, he begins to think a quick and ...

Somebody asked me about my thoughts on Assassin’s Creed III...

I told him that it’s a pretty revolutionary game.

Why were Star Wars Episodes IV, V, and VI released before Episodes I, II, and III?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

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World War III

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Trump and Rubio sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?' <...

Mu favorite series of riddles when i was in high school. Hope you all like it as much as i did <3

Give 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Put the elephant in
iii.Close it

AND THEN ASK

Give 4 steps to put a giraffe in the refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Take the elephant out
iii.Put the giraffe in
iv.Close it
...

Bishop Charles Ellis III has spoken of his embarrassment over groping Ariana Grande..

He says he felt a right tit.

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?

King Philip III

TIL King George III had a strong distaste for The Colonies

In fact he found them revolting.

The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted...

Only two-door cars were allowed.

Bubba n' Buford III

Bubba n' Buford jes left Texas A&M where they'd attend a seminar entitled "Advanced Composting" n' were a headin' back up Highway 79 towards east Texas. After a bit they got into an argument over whether Marquez was pronounced Mar-KEY or Mar-KAY. Well, they decided since they were about to go ...

Did anyone see the new Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels movie last night?

Dumb and Dumber III: Lloyd and Harry Run for President.

CUL8R alligator, with lawyers...

Lawyer I: I'll sue you later, litigator.

Lawyer II: In a while, after the trial.

Lawyer III: Safe journeys, fellow attorneys.

A guy being examined by a psychologist is shown an inkblot card. "What does this look like?" asks the examiner

The guy studies it for a moment. "Oh, that's an easy one! It's Rorschach series III, sequence 6, card 2."

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WW Franchise Leaked

World War I

World War II

World War 3

World War 2x2

World War Origins: The Seven Years War

World War U

WW What If: Cuban Crisis

World War for Oculus VR

World War Short Stories

Hitler Returns: World War II

World War Christmas: The M...

All these people getting pregnant at an early age....

Just enchant the condom with unbreaking III and you'll be fine

The Ultimate Dad Joke said by a Mom

There was a beautiful, young woman named May. May Elizabeth to be precise.

May Elizabeth married a young man named Jack Johnson. She kept her maiden name, and stayed May Elizabeth.

This couple had a girl, and named her after the mother; May Elizabeth Jr. Now, May Elizabeth Jr finds her...

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House

One of the guests asks: “Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin?” – “We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: “We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist...” The guest looks a bit confused: “Why a dentist?” - Putin claps Trump on the back ...

The Brilliant Scientist

A brilliant scientist, by the name of Dr. Elliot Kupferberg, assembled yet another fruitful invention that would slap anyone who dared to lie within its presence. But one last piece remained. He knew, as a scientist, that he needed to test his potentially dangerous contraption on humans. So he thoug...

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A man walks into a bar

and the bartender asks "so what'll it be?"

The man sighs, and takes a seat. After a long pause he says "I'll take a pint of ale, but after I tell you this story, you may end up buying it for me."

"Well, I guess it'd have to be one hell of a story."

"Well, you see, you know that...

“Nothing important happened today”

- personal diary of King George III, 4 July 1776

The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020.

That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III.

What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

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College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words...

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar. The bartender sees them chatting, so he goes over to them and says "Wow, what an honor to have the two of you here! What are you guys talking about?"

Trump responds with "We are planning our tactics for World War III."

Curious, the barten...

Loving relationship with your husband.

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked:

'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband yo...

Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."

Richard III: "Over my dead body."

I can't believe they're still using that guy as a Subway spokesperson!

Robert Griffen III is terrible!

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not five, my basement is still dark.

(taken from this page: https://www.facebook.com/ImammahdidailyIII?fref=ts)

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