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Threesome Jokes

The Greeks invented the threesome

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

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If sex with three people is called threesome and sex with four people is called foursome.

I guess now I know why people call me handsome

Got asked by two Thai girls if I wanted a threesome. They said it would be like winning the lottery...

...to my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

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Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins

Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.

A friend of mine invited me over for a threesome with a girl.

I was hesitant at first but eventually agreed. So I went over to his place and we got started. I just couldn't get into it. A half hour in, I started wondering when the girl is going to show up.

My wife asked me which of her friends I would like to have a threesome with.

Apparently I’m not supposed to pick two of them.

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For my birthday, my girlfriend said I could either have a Rolex or a threesome.

Both sound cool in theory, but a Rolex is expensive and there's no way I would be able to please 2 women when I can barely last 30 seconds with my girlfriend. I'd get too nervous. But at the same time my girlfriend's best friend Aimee is really fucking hot.

After my birthday dinner my girlfr...

I organized a threesome last week.

There were a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do a threesome...

I told her, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'll go have dinner with my parents.

My buddy had a threesome with his GF and her twin….

I asked him how he could tell them apart? He told me her brother had a mustache…

My girlfriend asked me which one of her friends I'd want to have a threesome with...

Apparently the right answer wasn't "Wait, you have friends?"

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose...

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!

All these people having threesomes, twosomes, and even the occasional foursomes

All I ever have are handsomes

I arranged a threesome last night

Had a good time even though there were two no-shows.

What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?

None of them are going to save your relationship.

"How would you feel about a threesome?" my wife asked over breakfast this morning.

"Wow, that would be amazing!" I said.

"Which of my friends would you like me to ask?" she went on, licking her lips seductively.

"How about Rachel and Gemma?" I replied.

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I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little ...

I don't get the point of threesomes.

If I want to disappoint two people at once, I take my parents out for dinner.

What do you call a German threesome where no one gets wet?

Dreisome

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My gf asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and when I said "a threesome" she got me a sweater

The sex was fun but she definitely could've used deodorant.

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My wife said she wants to have a threesome with the Planter’s guy.

I said, Are you fucking nuts?!

I almost had a threesome with a brunette and a blonde

Too bad they weren't interested.

9/11 Threesome.

When twins go down on you.

The Mother/Daughter dream threesome

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Do...

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Threesomes are like a turducken

Threesomes are like a turducken, I've never had one

If your wife ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a threesome with,....

Do not give two names!

Man: Father, I have sinned. I had a threesome last night....

It was with two, beautiful, gorgeous young women who did everything I wanted and kept coming back for more, all night long.

Priest: son, although you did a bad thing outside of marriage, you are forgiven.

Man: I don't want forgiveness...

Priest: then why are you telling me?
<...

What do you call a threesome in an oasis?

A Mirage à trois.

I tried to have a threesome with two Eskimo girls

But they just weren’t Inuit.

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

My wife told me she was interested in having a threesome.

And I get the house all to myself for the night!

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The SEC has fined two executives for having a threesome with a prostitute.

While such matters are usually out of their jurisdiction, this was a case of inside her trading.

Everyone today is doing threesomes and foursomes...

While I'm here just handsome :(

my wife finally agreed to a threesome, on the condition that she picks the girl

i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"

As a lad I never understood threesome.

Why would I want to disappoint 2 ladies at the same time.

I had a threesome some days ago...

Two people didn't show up tho, so I had to take matters into my own hands.

Threesome

We've been thinking about this for a long time now, and we finally made the decision to try it. A threesome, that is.

We are 1 man, looking for 2 women...

I asked a one legged woman if she wanted to be part of a threesome.

I heard she leaned both ways.

How does a physicists propose a threesome?

He says he wants to perform the double-slit experiment

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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

Mother Daughter Threesome

My friend Ethan recently met a beautiful woman at a bar. Ethan is 22. She’s 57. He’s never been “with a much older woman, but he thinks hey, why not, she’s hot. They drink and flirt all night. Suddenly she asks Ethan if he’s ever had a mother and daughter threesome. He says no.


They drink...

Hi all, we're looking for somebody seriously interested in a threesome

We are a man looking for two women.

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Why did the quantum physicist participate in sexual threesomes?

Because he was interested in investigating entanglement and running double slit experiments.

How much does it cost for a deer threesome? Two bucks.

That’s not a lot of doe..

What did Sodium say to Bromine and Oxygen when they offered a threesome?

NaBrO

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For my birthday, my wife said she wanted to give me a sexy special treat...

...and she asked me which of her friends I'd like to have a threesome with.

Apparently, I was only supposed to give one name and now I'm spending my birthday in the ER with a broken arm and a black eye.

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Having a threesome with a mom and daughter

So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to m...

My neighbours want me to come over for a threesome

I told them I might be bi later.

I got in trouble with my wife after she offered me a threesome.

I had asked, 'What are their names'?

Threesome?

A guy in his mid twenties is in a bar when he notices an atractive milf. He decides to try his luck and goes over to talk with her.

She seems interested and after a few drinks she asks him if he has ever considered taking part in a mother / daughter threesome. Seeing as the milf is so attract...

Why does Bill Clinton like to have threesomes with unshaven women?

Because he likes it between the Bushes.

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Homosexuals have ruined threesomes for me.

Every time I have one, both of the other dudes turn out to be gay.

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Are you into threesome sex?

Then go to your girlfriend's house! You're the only one missing!

The last last time I had a threesome with my wife and my buddy…

The last last time I had a threesome with my wife and my buddy, I told her, "I have a friend in you." Yeah, that's why it was the last time.

One friend asks another "do you like threesome?"

\- "Of course!"

\- "Then hurry back home. Maybe you'll get on time."

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The Threesome

My wife asked me, "If you could have sex with any of my friends, who would you pick?"

I decided that any answer would get me in trouble, so I might as well go for broke. I said, "Rachel and Erin are really pretty. In fact, I bet they would enjoy a threesome!"

Thankfully, instead of get...

Why's it a good idea to have a threesome with 2 Vietnamese girls?

It's usually a Nguyen/Nguyen.

A threesome!

So a Polack brags to his buddy, "Man, what a night I had last night. I had a threesome!"

"Really?" his buddy says. "A threesome?"

"Yep," says the Polack. "With twins!"

His buddy says, "Twins! That's awesome! But let me ask you: how could you tell them apart?"

And the Pola...

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