What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony?

A tumblr.

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The teacher asked the hottest girl in my math class to divide 13,939,393,938 by 2.

The student got to work, and as she did, her breathing became deeper and more rapid. A pink blush appeared on her cheeks and she clutched the pencil more tightly as she wrote. The class was stunned as we watched her begin to writhe in her seat. Soon she began to moan and mutter, "oh, my God!" Still,...

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The Woman and the Gorilla

A woman once rescued a baby Gorilla from poachers. She was later surprised to find that it could talk. The woman fed it bathed it and raised it. Years passed and the Gorilla grew up to be big and strong. One day the woman saw the gorilla ramming its cock into a tree hollow. Seeing the size of its co...

Sam signs up with the army and gets sent on basic training...

When they are handing out rifles, he is at the back of the line and they run out just before they get to him. 


The Sergeant gives him a stick and tell him to just pretend it's a rifle. 


So our hero goes running through the mock battle pointing his stick and yelling, "Bangid...

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A biker walks into a bar.

As he made his way to the bartender, he spotted a 30-ish y/o man sitting in his table with a serious look in his face, staring daggers at the cup of drink before him.

Feeling great for the day, the biker made his way to the sitting man and directly took his cup, and drank the whole thing as a...

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Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

Stalin is giving a long speech at an event, naturally in front of a huge audience. While he's in full flow, somebody near the front of the hall sneezes.

Stalin stops and surveys the crowd.

"Who sneezed?" he asks.

Deathly silence.

"I repeat," says Stalin, "who sneezed?"

Not a peep.

"Very well," says Stalin. "First row, stand up!" Everyone in the first row stands up. "Guards! Open fire!"

A few seconds later, ...

The City-Slicker and the Farmer

One year, a man who lived in the city decided to try his hand at deer hunting. He bought all the the necessary equipment, a license, and a rifle and headed out to the gamelands a good distance away from the city.

After a full day's hunting, the man spots a gorgeous buck and manages to make ...

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class

a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.<...

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I banged this hot French student last week.

We were going at it doggie style and she told me she really loves the feeling when someone pulls on her hair. So I took a handful and pulled. She moaned and writhed around like her best orgasm ever!
Apparently I overdid it though, when I asked her if she wanted another session she said her armp...

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Fart Football

One night, an elderly couple is sitting in bed. The husband reading while the wife quietly knits. Breaking the silence, the husband leans gently to one side, and unleashes an egregious fart. His wife crumples her face and writhes in near agony next to him, bemoaning the ubiquitous ass mist that was ...

The Lone Ranger gets caught.

The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver trots over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.

Immediate...

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