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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender r...

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A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read: *** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.
The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX thi...

A koala bear breaks free from the Central Park Zoo…

He’s walking down the street when he encounters a hooker. The hooker asks, “Hey, looking for a good time?”. The koala nods in agreement and off they go to a hotel.

The two have an intimate time, and when the koala bear is done he starts to head to the door. As he reaches for the door handle...

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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.

One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.

Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find ...

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A Black Man, a Mexican, and a White Man Got Lost Canoeing.

They reached an island ruled by terrorists. The terrorists wanted to kill the entire crew. However, after seeing the white man, the terrorists had a proposal. If the combined length of the mens' penises measured 1 foot, then the men would be set free. The Black man's dick measured 6 inches. The Whit...

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A girl was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, the girl’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, “Why ar...

What’s the best part of fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.

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An atheist dies and goes to hell...

...and notices he's in a lush park with butterflies, his physical body has transformed back into its prime, and he's then greeted by Satan who says "sup homie? Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here mate."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of...

Free drinks

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he see...

Moving back in with your parents is not rent free.

There’s at least one or two of them.

How do you ensure what you want to say is stored for free for a long time?

Put it on r/jokes and it'll be reposted till you need it again.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 19 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he ask...

Nothing is free

There Is Nothing Free On Earth, Even To Listen Attentively, You Must Pay Attention

Why does Florida have so many Conservatives and California have so many earthquakes?

California had first choice!

**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for p...

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Free bicycle

I bought a bicycle which I hardly used. As a socially responsible citizen, I put it out on the porch against a board saying "free bicycle ".

A week passed and no one took it. My friend said "Dude no on wants free stuff, just chain it to the post and it will be stolen in a jiffy".

I fol...

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Man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks “what are you doing?”…

She says, “I’m off to New York. I read that prostitutes can make $500 for doing what I do with you for free”.

As the wife is getting to leave, she walks by the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. “Excuse me, what are you doing??”

Husband replies - “Coming to New York, I...

Offering corpses for free isnt just a sign that someone might be crazy

It's a dead giveaway

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I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex Tonight!". I said, "Wow, you're easy". Then her friend said, "she means 666-3629".

An American, An Indian, And A Russian Meet The Devil

An American, an Indian, and a Russian end up in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".

The American goes first. He...

Free trip to Europe

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful....

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Sex for Money

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little plano. The piano man starts pla...

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Christmas joke

Little Tommy’s mother takes him to go see Santa at Christmas time. Santa asks Tommy, “What would you like for Christmas?”.

Tommy looks Santa in the eye and says, “Listen, I’ve been a good boy all year. All I want is a train set. Nothing more, nothing less, just a train set!”. Santa looks ove...

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Free airplane ride

A group of engineering students received an invitation for a free flight from a local airline. Once onboard, the captain announced that the plane they were on was built by recent graduates from that very same school.

When the announcement concluded, the students looked around and, one by one...

I’m in favour of a free U2 concert.

Pro Bono

A woman sends her husband to the market to sell a goat.

After selling it, he stopped by the blacksmith and bought a vise and a basket. He put the vise in the basket and headed home. On his way back, he saw a merchant selling livestock.
Having leftover money, he decided to buy a duck as well. The merchant tells him:
"Listen mister, I only have these...

Claim your free giveaway from ubisoft store before end of year

You can no longer claim this free game from Ubisoft store.

My kids school said they were giving free art kits to everyone

Turned out to be antigen rapid test (ART) kits for covid testing.

(True story - Insert red blue penguin meme here)

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I've been porn free for an entire year today as a former porn addict!

Today is also my 98th birthday!

Three men walk into a bar…

They have no money, so the bartender makes a deal with them:
“I hear that the punch served at that party over there is really good, go get me some, and your drinks are free.”
So one guy goes over and gets the punch. When he returns, the bartender is a bit surprised.
“Well that was fast”
...

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does a...

Two prawns, named Christian and Terry are off on their morning swim.

Soon they discover a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wish ...

The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.

 
At the Baptist church, the squirre...

who decided to call it ‘gluten free’…

and not ‘against the grain’?

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Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

Guy says “if you let me drink for free my octopus will play the trumpet”
Bartender pulls out a trumpet and the octopus plays it great.
Bartender says “cool but can he play the trombone”
Bartender pulls out a trombone and the octopus plays ok but not as well
Bartender says “I got one mor...

A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years

One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner

"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened,

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye...

There is a medieval town with a group of friars.

You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.

"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...

I like my coffee like I like my slaves…

Free.

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.

The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.

He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minu...

It's closing time at the local pub. As the bartender is putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in...

"No free booze!" says the bartender.

"No, all I want is one toothpick." says the homeless man.

The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.

No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows up.

"What do YOU want?" asks the bartender mopping the floor. ...

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. ..

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
...

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The...

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The cottage in the middle of the woods

An explorer was lost in the forest, and luckily came upon a cottage in a clearing. He knocked and an old Chinese man opened the door. The man was willing to let the explorer stay on one condition: he didn't approach his daughter or he would impose the three worst Chinese tortures upon him.

D...

What do the French listen to in their spare time?

Royalty free music

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

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A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

Faithful Wife

On the occasion of their 50th Anniversary, a man asked his wife, "Honey, you have been with me through thick and thin, and gave me constant love and support, however I just have to know whether you have actually been faithful to me all this time."

To which the wife replies, "To be honest, I h...

A woman's out golfing and she accidentally hits her ball through the window of a house near the golf course

She goes up to see if anyone's home and through the window she sees a man standing behind the shattered glass holding her golf ball in one hand and an old oil lamp in the other.

She said, "I'm sorry, I've broken your window. I can pay for it."

The man looks at the lamp, looks at her an...

I've got a great idea for tax evasion

Apparently if you don't pay your taxes the government will give you free housing free food and a roommate

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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says.

“I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed...

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I'm thinking of opening a tattoo parlor where women flash their breasts for free tattoos.

Call it..."tit for tat".

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I was on PornHub the other day and there was an ad that read: 'free asian asshole pics'.

When I clicked on it it was just a picture of Xi Jinping.

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

I'm not sure these are really 'free range' eggs.

They just sit there in the box mostly.

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If sex were free...

We'd ALL be screwed.

(saw in a bathroom stall)

HaPpy hUMp dAy

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people wer...

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers

The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"

The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!"
The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that
Group ahea...

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New Job!!

A young guy living in Boston recently became unemployed and he immediately went to the nearest job center where he noticed a flyer pinned to the job board seeking a "Gynecologist's Assistant to work at a newly-built 'Soothing Approach Gynecology Center', no experience required".
He was very inter...

I really don't understand why some people chooses to be child free.

Have they ever stop and think about who's going to avenge their death if they get murdered?

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Religion at it's best

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the do...

A blonde goes into a coffee shop

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde k...

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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

What is one thing that the north and south had in common in the 1800s?

They both thought slaves should be free.

How do you know if somebody has to much free time?

They're on reddit looking for a laugh.

I'll see myself out.

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One hell of a Headache

A man with severe headaches went to the doctor.

The doctor examined him and eventually said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches but the bad news is that you have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell ...

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution....

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood...

Two men are standing at the top of a cliff.

Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies, one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun. The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend ...

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Three men are walking through the woods when they find an old, battered lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"After all these years, I'm finally free!" the genie booms. "You know what, it's been so long that I'll make an exception and grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" In a ...

Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?

Inflation


Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!

A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day

A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day. He just got dumped by his girlfriend some minutes before. A baker takes pity on him and gives him a slice of cake - entirely free.

That man is like me. He's lonely, but at least he got some cake!

The European Union is proposing to build a public toilet in Brussels.

They put the job out to tender. They get in 3 responses.


First in is Hans from Germany. He gets straight to the point. "I'll build it for €30,000."
The Eurocrat behind the desk looks up from his note pad. "Can you give us some more detail, Hans?"
"Ja! €10,000 labour, €10,000 m...

Some guys are where to go drinking on a Friday night...

One of them says, "I know of a great place. When you go there, they give you a free drink. And if you finish it, they give you another! And at the end of the night, you're pretty much guaranteed to hook up!"

"That sounds awesome," says his friends.

"Yeah. My sister told me about it!"

Genie in the bottle

A Ukrainian named Boyko finds a magical lantern.

He rubs it and a genie pops out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me from my prison. I grant you three wishes

After some contemplation Boyko says, I want the Chinese People’s Liberation Army to invade Ukraine with devastating power...

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A Major Prostitution Bust

A major raid on prostitution in town, netted so many prostitutes, that they had to be lined up, outside the police station, and around the block.

An elderly grandmother, waiting at a nearby bus stop, notices her granddaughter in line.

Grandmother: "Oh Sweetie, you're not in some kin...

Why Werewolves don't post on Reddit?

Someone might give them their free "Silver"

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I get free food, a bunk bed, I get a lot of exercise and sex everyday. What's not to like, right? Well....

I can't wait to get out of prison.

A mathematician and his colleague go to a diner…

Professor Wilkins, a professor of topology, and his colleague, Professor Thompson of the statistics department, go to a diner near their building for lunch.

“So, what do you figure the chances are that I can get a free donut with lunch if I ask the waitress nicely?” asked Wilkins.

“Fre...

Free Healthcare

Americans won't get it.

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Jack & Jill

(Did the search before posting thing and didn't see this in the results, but feel free to delete if I'm mistaken)

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, “When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my pants. I ga...

Three Shops

A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective lessee by the name of Bruce shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a men's wear shop.

"That's fine," the mall manager says. "You get free signage; what do you want on the sign?"

"Men's Wear," say...

A guy walks into a busy bar and sees two ribeye steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He asks the bartender what’s up with the steaks. The bartender tells him it’s a challenge, if he can jump and touch the ribeyes he can drink free all night. However if he try’s and fails, he has to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The bartender then asks him if he’d like to try. The man replies “No ...

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I'm a building contractor, recently I was hired to create a new set for a porn production company and told I have free reign over its design.

I was never a big fan of porn and was concerned I wouldn't be able to create a suitable set for such productions without guidance, but the client reassured me

"If you build it, they will come."

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NSFW farmers daughter

There are 3 guys driving when their car breaks down. They come across a farm house and knock on the door. The farmer says I will fix your car in the morning, you guys can stay in the barn. My one rule is you won't sleep with my daughter. She has a golden pussy and I'll know if you slept with her....

[Long] There once was a homeless viking who sat in front of a bakery...

Every morning when the bakery opens, a sweet young woman would buy him a cup of coffee.

One day he wanted to find a way of repaying her kindness.

The bakery began a special promotion called "Cake of Chance".

Every day a random customer would receive a free slice of their special...

Worst customer service

I experienced the WORST customer service today at a store…I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Last night I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it failed So today, less than 24 hours later I took i...

A man was taken to court for calling an Honourable Minister a pig

It was his first offence and the Judge was in a good mood and decided to show mercy.

So he discharged him after warning him to desist from unguarded utterances in future.

The man removed his cap and thanked the benevolent Judge profusely. ''Thank you, your lordship."

He conti...

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A man is about to marry a woman with a beautiful younger sister

A week before the wedding the younger sister invites him over, under the guise of discussing something for the wedding.

Once he arrives, she proposes that they should have sex as he’s still a free man and she knows he finds her more attractive than her sister that he is to wed.

The man...

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A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she’s pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver’s license.

“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.

“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectan...

A company owner was asked a question,

How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

How much does it cost to get a ship across the Atlantic?

It's 100% free

^(just pay shipping)

Guy was giving away free marionette dolls.

No strings attached.

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A father walks into a restaurant

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with, to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy cough...

It's 2098, and a man is on r/Jokes.

The number of subscribed accounts has grown into the billions, but to the man's shock, the top-upvoted post of the day is simply the number "72,423".

When he goes into the comments section and asks what it is, he is promptly told that every joke has been told so many times, they've assigned n...

So a young man walks into a bar…

and notices a an unfamiliar patron sitting in the corner. This person looks completely normal, except that he has an extremely large, bright orange, spherical head. The young man asks the bartender,

“Do you know that fellow over there?”

“Oh, him? Yeah, that’s Andy.”

“What on e...

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A homeless man goes into a pharmacy and asks the young woman behind the counter

"Do you have any male pharmacist here ?"

Woman " Well, me and my twin sister own this place and take turns. I'm a professional so you can tell your problem " .

Man " well it's so embarassing. My cock is always erect no matter how many times I come out . I literally have to tape it to ...

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

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A man walks into a bar...

As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?”

The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone ...

Giving your cat a bath.

We all know that cats are generally not into taking a bath outside of their own tongue so below is a guide to use.



1. Open the lid and seat of the toilet and add some soap to the bowl.
2. Get the cat and drop them inside and quickly close the lid.
3. You will hear some howling a...

A new guy starts working at the mental asylum

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general advice, the director tells him to ask any questions that he may have.

"Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?"

"Well," says the director, "o...

The flight wasn't carrying enough meals for all passengers.

Airborne less than 30 minutes on an outbound evening flight, the "A" stew-lead flight attendant-for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement:

Ladies and gentleman, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible last minute error by our airport catering...

I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore

She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.

I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."

A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.

The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can even pistol whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.”
Thief: “You must really love your wife!”


Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.

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