A Message to my Father: "You were never there for me growing up, but without you, I guess I wouldn't even exist. So...

Thanks for nuttin', Dad."

A woman was sipping a glass of wine while relaxing with her husband... "I love you so much, she said, I don't know how I could live without you:

Her husband asked, "is that you or the wine talking"?
She replied "it's me, talking to the wine"

Apart from "I love you", "I miss you", "You complete me" and "Can't live without you"?

What other jokes do you know?

A wife finds her husband sipping some rum on the patio, he says, "I love you so much, I have no idea what I would do without you". The wife asks, "Is that you talking, or the rum?"

He replied, "That's me, talking to the rum."

Vampires will never get you pregnant without you knowing

They can’t come inside without permission.

A day without you is like a day with sunshine

but I'm a ginger, so, you know, it's cool if you just stay away.

A house isn't a home without you...

It's a hose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life without you is like a broken pencil

Doesn't fucking matter to me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Joseph is having sex with Mary

They're going at it pretty good and Mary starts moaning "Oh God, oh God."

All of a sudden Joseph stops and says "come on Mary, can't we have sex one time without you bringing up your ex?"

So my dad died last year

We were in a car accident and my dad lost loads of blood. EMT came onto the scene but nobody could remember what his blood type is in time for them to give him a transfusion.

Even as he died, Dad kept telling us to "Be positive" but it's hard without you here Dad. Hope you're in a better plac...

How much do you weigh, dad?

Dad: 80 kg. with my glasses on.
Child: How much do you weigh without your glasses?
Dad: I don't know. I can't see.

Thank you President Trump..

..for improving my vocabulary. I would have never known the meaning of sedition, insurrection, quid pro quo, colluding, etc without you!

Boyfriend: I love you?

Girlfriend: I love you too.

Boyfriend: Which song?

Girlfriends: With or without you.





This is from my partner. What makes it even more impressive is he barely spoke English at the point he made it.

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