UPJOKE
demanddeficiencylackdearthshortfalldeficitscarcitysupplyfaminewantinadequacyeconomicseconomic surplusexcess supplydrought

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

Apparently there's a lettuce shortage.

Hopefully we can all romaine calm.

Vegetable shortage in the world.

How many vegetables does it take to kill a Vegan?






"NONE"

Why did Justin Trudeau finally take action on the housing shortage?

He started shopping for an apartment.

Have you heard about the helium shortage?

It's only gotten worse with inflation.

The Ketchup shortage this year was so predictable.

But I guess Heinz sight is 2020

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

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It was no wonder there was a toilet paper shortage.

Given the number of assholes in the country.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

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The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.

After a real objectionable example of that one day, the
female students got together and decided that next time,
when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he
entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Ha...

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My wife was alarmed to find out that currently there is a tampon shortage in the US.

I said, “Someone needs to pull some strings.”

The UN asked an American, an Ethiopian, and a Chinese for their opinion on the global food shortage

None of them understood the question;

The American asked what is a shortage.

The Ethiopian asked what is food.

The Chinese asked what is a opinion.

There is a coin shortage in America

They are officially out of Common Cents

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

What do you mean gas shortage

There's plenty of Taco Bells in the US

Worried about toilet paper shortage?

Don't worry. You don't have food - you don't need toilet paper.

Three men are sitting down in a restaurant

The waiter comes by and says "Excuse me, but there's a shortage of steak tonight and it's not on the menu."

The Texan says "What's a 'shortage?'"

The Russian says "What's a 'steak?'"

The Bostonian says "What's 'excuse me?'"

Shortage of Heinz ketchup packets...

... now secretly caused by usage for hemorrhoids. The company will now market "A" Heinz for restaurants and "B" Heinz for hemorrhoids.

Is this the world's smallest joke?

"Dwarf Shortage"

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Apparently there's a sperm shortage in the UK

Probably because all the wankers have gone to the petrol station

Expect a shortage of bras

The cargo ship cupsized.

“Dwarf Shortage”

Credit to Jimmy Carr.

Well, after spending all day worrying about a food shortage at the annual spoonerism contest...

it turns out it was just a lack of pies!

How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?

They operated with a skeleton crew.

What’s the reason for an acute shortage of steel in the world?

Zelenski’s Balls!

Cider shortage

A pressing issue

I apologize for the coin shortage.

I started a swear jar.

There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages

One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant ask...

There is currently a tomato ketchup shortage in America

If they run out of mayonnaise too, does that make it a double-dip recession?

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins ...

Simple solution to the coronavirus test shortage:

Hook people up to lie detectors and ask them if they have the virus

What does Jimmy Saville and the GPU shortage have in common?

Miners

What is the German term for food shortages?

Wurst Käse Scenario.

During a national water shortage, a mother and daughter were sharing a shower.

The daughter looks at her mother and then down at herself and says "What's that?"

Thinking quickly, the mother says, "That's your garage... and you must never let a boy park his car in it."

Next door, a father and his son were also sharing a shower. The son looks at his dad and then do...

Just recalling the great toilet paper shortage and my Walmart experience.

I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"

She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."

Imagine my embarrassment...

Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?

Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.

Pandemic has led to another type of shortage:

Social skills

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:

Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".

Africans asked what "food" is.

Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".

Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.

And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the ter...

You want know why there is a shortage of last generation GPUs?

Sony and Microsoft are buying them up to make the next generation of consoles coming in 2030

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During a water shortage, the government encouraged us to piss in the shower to save the water from flushing

I now have to shower 3-4 times a day and it’s not clear to me how this is helping with the water shortage…

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Bear and a Rabbit talking about the toilet paper shortage,...

The bear says, "It sucks being out of toilet paper. Do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says, "No, not really."

The bear says, "Thanks", and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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If the TP shortage has taught us one thing.

It’s that there are way too many assholes out there.

Caught empty handed by toilet paper shortages?

I guess that's why hind sight is 2020.

There is an expected condom shortage of 100 million condoms within 6 months.

I’m single-handedly ensuring that I’m not contributing to this shortage.

Due to the coin shortage the restaurant didn’t give me any change.

It’s non-cents.

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UN Survey

Last month, the UN conducted a global survey:

# "Please give us your honest opinion about a solution to the Food Shortages in the Rest of the World."



The poll turned out, not unexpectedly, to be a huge flop.

Why?



\-In Africa, participants didn't know what ...

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

Tour guides in Central America are in great shortage

It's not as bad as some will lead you to Belize.

In a serious water shortage

/r/showerthoughts should be shut down.

In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

What will a cure for Dwarfism lead to? Dwarf shortage

If offended, grow up

The solution to the toilet paper shortage is the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle.

One square at a time.

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

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During the toilet paper shortage of the pandemic I found out a way to massively save money on toilet paper

Firstly I bought a bidet add-on kit for my toilet. But the biggest impact on my toilet paper usage has been that I just quit giving a shit.

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Given the recent events involving France's butter shortages...

We can all say that France has seen butter times

Did you hear about the disappointing shortage of seats at the Church of Fake Lazer Sounds?

They really need more pews.

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Vladimir Putin and his driver die in a car accident

Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. They look around and don't see much difference between the two; really, they both look fairly nice and pleasant. The Devil lets them know, however, that each morning, they must eat ...

A Texan, A Russian and a New Yorker.

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London.
The waiter tells them, "Excuse me -- if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease."
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker ...

A news chain started asking people what's their opinion on a food shortage around the world

The venezuelans asked what food is
The Europeans asked what shortage is
The americans asked what the rest of the world is
The chinese asked what an opinion is, then got arrested for asking too many questions

Ever hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?

It was dreadful.

There was a water shortage in town and and an order came down from the commanding general,

“No liberty until the water situation improves.” All of the units on the base complied except a small contingent of navy Seabees led by a crusty old warrant officer. Come Friday night all of the troops on base were confined to base except the Seabees. They were turned loose in the town and proceede...

A man is taking a survey to find out what people think about the meat shortage.

First he approaches a Russian, and asks, "Excuse me, sir, what do you think about the meat shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" Then he asks an American, who says, "What's a shortage?" Last, he asks an Israeli, who says, "What's 'excuse me'?"

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An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event

An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something...

Shortages of toilet paper are starting to occur, as panic buying sets in again, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please don't buy more than is absolutely necessary.

Fortunately, the 24,490 rolls we stocked up on should last us thru the rest of the pandemic.

During WW2, oil shortages forced some countries to start using organic fuels.

Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.

Why is there such a shortage of teachers in Africa?

Teacher's aides

In the wake of inflation, and the conflict in Eastern Europe...

... the German government predicts an imminent shortage of sausage and cheese, and are formulating a plan for emergency intervention to deal with this impending crisis.

They're referring to the plan as their Wurst/Kase scenario.

a local farmer had gone into investigations

\-what do you feed your chicken ?

\- soy beans, he answered

\-soy beans ?! are you aware that there's a global shortage in soy beans, we'll give you a $100k fine and prepare yourself for further investigations



few days later,...

An American, a Pole and an Israeli arrive at the butcher's shop

There's a notice on the door:

# Shortage today, no meat, sorry

The American: What's 'shortage' ?

The Pole: What's 'meat' ?

The Israeli: What's 'sorry' ?

The shortest joke in the world

'Dwarf Shortages'

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.

A reporter comes up to them and says,
“Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

The Saudi says, “excuse me , what is this word shortage?”

The Russian says, “excuse me, what’s me...

UN sent a survey to children from different country: " Regarding the problem of food shortage in other countries, what's your opinion?" Surprisingly no kids understand the question.

American kids: "what's “other countries”...?"
European kids: "what's “shortage”...?"
Africa kids: "what's “food”...?"
Chinese kids: "what's “my opinion”...?"

ever since COVID I haven't been able to get my favorite bagel.

This everything shortage is really is getting out of hand.

Why is Putin trying to expand the war into Transnistria?

He's trying to corner the market after he heard about the global transnistor shortage.

Canadian query

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:

"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
Shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe ...

Taco Bell forced to shut down temporarily...

Due to the Corona virus the shortage of toilet paper has made this step a necessity.

Three guys go to a ski lodge.

There’s a shortage of rooms, so they have to share a room and a bed.
In the middle of the night, the first guy wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

The second guy wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.

While they are discussi...

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A Californian, a Texan, and a New Yorker are dining at a restaurant.....

The waiter comes by and says, "Excuse me gentlemen, I'm sorry to inform you there's a shortage of our special, the triple-meat burger, this evening. Please consider some of our delicious regular menu options".

The Californian says, "what the fuck is triple-meat?"

The Texan says, "what ...

Happy Friday!

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

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Protesting dirty jokes

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day,...

Four men are standing on a street corner...

...one is from Russia, one from North Korea, one from Dubai, and one from New York.

A reporter comes upon them standing there and says, "Excuse me, what do you think about the meat shortage?"

The man from Russia says, "What's meat?"
The man from North Korea says, "What's think?"...

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Public Health England.

Due to the shortage of lateral flow tests available the government are going to introduce a new '1 minute self diagnostic' process.

You put one finger in your mouth, and one up your ass.

After 60 seconds swap fingers, if you can't smell or taste the difference, Isolate.

Two brothers want to find out the truth about Soviet Russia

Two brothers want to find out if Soviet Russia is really like the propaganda they hear in the West. They decide that the older brother will go to Soviet Russia to see for himself and write back what he sees. However, since the letter might get censored by the Soviet government, they decide that if t...

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

Boris saves Christmas .....

Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."

Three word joke

Stationary Store Moves

Two word joke

Dwarf Shortage

Credit - Jimmy Carr

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "Wha...

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Russian jokes under communism

To alleviate the perennial shortages of butter, The Politburo of the Communist Party ordered the Soviet scientists to develop a technology for converting shit into butter, and to complete this project on or before the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. After six months of work, t...

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery S...

Johhny Carson 1973 timely joke

"There is an acute shortage of toilet paper in the good old United States."

Mrs. Olson walks in (Coffee Commercial Icon) with her shopping and says: "forget the coffee just give me the shopping bag."

What is the best thing about short jokes?

There’s no shortage of them.

Help With Counting Money

Patel: Remove your clothes.


Wife: Why Remove my clothes?


Patel: Just do and come beside me on the bed.


Wife: Okay they are off.


Patel: Nice sweetie. What about your bra and panties? Remove them also.


Wife: Please I am not in the mood. ...

A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people

The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"

The interview was a huge failure...

The African asks "What does meat mean?".

The American asks "What does shortage mean?".

The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?...

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a m...

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