World War Jokes - 90 Hilarious World War Jokes

How do you get Americans to join a World War?

Tell them it's nearly finished.

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During World War 2, three generals were arguing over who had the best soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.

“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”

“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.

He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, to...

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their locat...

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There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all...

My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

What was the difference between conscription in World War One and conscription in World War Two?

The year.

A joke for world war 2 enthusiasts

A British World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the c...

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name

Unfortunately Iran was already taken

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

My Grandfather survived pepper spray and mustard gas during world war 2

He’s a seasoned veteran.

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

During World War II, there’s a brutal battle between the Allied Forces and the Germans.

The Germans are sustaining heavy casualties. The German commander is preparing to sound the retreat, but he receives word that the Allies have cut the Germans off from the rear.

With no choice left and to save his men, he gives the order to surrender. German soldiers begin frantically waving...

Before starting World War 3

The Russians should consider finishing World War 1 and upgrading their weapons

During World War II a French cheese factory was destroyed.

Debris was everywhere.

During the Second World War, an Italian soldier is captured.

But during the interrogation the stern son of Rome did not utter a word... because his hands were tied.

My grandparents fought during World War II.

They ended up getting a divorce.

It's the First World War, and a French Battalion and a German Battalion face each other in the trenches.

It's a rather slow day, and the Krauts sit bored in their trenches. Then, a young corporal speaks: "We really need to kill more frenchies! What can we do to lure them out?"
A young recruit asks, "What is a typical french name?"
Another answers, "Pierre."
The young recruit gets up, puts his ...

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An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II

An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."

The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."

"That is correct...

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America won't participate if a 3rd world war happened....

.. it's a first world country.

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A World War 2 joke

Stalin and Hitler died and were recieved in Hell by Satan.

Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in Hell for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .

While waiting, Hitler got bored and as...

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World War III

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Trump and Rubio sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?' <...

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

We switched from corona virus to the Third World War..

..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?

If Britain lost the second World War...

Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

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After the defeat of the Axis Powers in World War II...

The Allied Troops, during their visit to Berlin right after the war, were shocked to find tons of experimental technological inventions that were supposed to help Germany win the war.

One of these was a special pre-satellite era GPS system that could be mounted to a car, and told directions w...

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

How do you make sure World War III never happens?

You sell the rights to Valve.

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World War 2 joke

Sometime around 1943, when the Germans were losing the war, Hitler decided to boost his army's morale by visiting the front.

While there, he had the oppurtunity to interact with a soldier. He commented, "My brave young man, you are risking your life for the country by standing in the way of t...

How to prevent World War III.

Make Gabe Newell the president of the USA.

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Many homosexuals went into battle in World War I.

Only a few came out

There’s not going to be another World War. Calm down.

“World War” implies that America still has allies.

What fruit was used the most in World War II

The pineapple grenade

Did you hear about the blind soldier from World War 1?

Yeah, he was from not see Germany.

I found some dusty old boxes in my closet and in them were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw...

There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

Then, I got to the one that sparked the most memories: My grandfather's most prized collection!!

Every day since January 1st, 1949, he co...

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World War 2

Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Pr...

I'm gonna make a movie about a man with a speech impediment during world War 2

I'm gonna call it Schindler's Lisp

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Old World War II political joke my granddad told me when I was a kid.

I'll try to retell it exactly as he told it to me when I was about seven or so.

>There's this intersection with a four way stop. Four cars displaying reichstag flags approach the intersection. You know, like those official flags the president's got, except they got the kraut eagle and car...

Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?

Mussolini, because he was the fascist

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

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Another World War II political joke that my grandfather told me.

You guys seem to like my last one so here's another one of my grandad's World War II jokes. Like I said I'll try to retell it like he did.

>There's this rabbi sitting down at a cafe reading a newspaper. One of his congregants notices that he's reading the Daily Stormer, which was the Nazi ...

If the world war was so bad

... why was there a sequel?
Check mate athiests

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An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper...

An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper are perched in a tower overlooking the city of Nancy in France during World War 2. They have been lying down, silently staring down the scopes of their rifles for what surely felt like weeks at that point, and after a few hours of inactivity, the Greek sniper sud...

After World War II, as part of an exercise in comparative doctrine, three mid-ranking officers were asked...

>"Please give your response, in the context of your wartime service, to an infantryman's query "what happens if we run out of ammunition?".

The British officer gave some nonsense about maintaining a stiff upper lip and leading a singalong.

The German officer explained that he would ...

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A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want ...

Thanks to World War I

There are now more airplanes in the ocean than their are submarines in the sky.

Jack and Jim are on sentry duty during the first World War, when Jim says, "You know how we're on a bonus of a dollar for every German we capture?"

"Yes," says Jack. "Well don't tell anyone," says Jim, "but there's $5000 worth coming over that hill."

I'm not worried about getting drafted in the 3rd World War

I'll just send them my resume and I won't hear back from them as is usual.

Why did Europe start the first World War?

They did't like being sans-Ferdinand.

After the World War 2

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the bor...

Germany can't start the next world war,

because three Reich's and you're out.

World War 1 could’ve been easily be prevented..

I mean, singing “Take me out” probably wasn’t Franz Ferdinand’s brightest idea.

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When Japan invaded China in World War II...

...imagine how many people died from friendly fire.

3 soldiers crash on German territory in World War 2...

They were an American, a Brit and a Belgian soldier.

Since it's 1944 and the Germans still have hope the commanding officer offers them a way out; They can choose between the electric chair, a firing squad or the gallow.

With each penalty comes the rule: survive 3 times and you're fr...

World War I

In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, "Why not? It's not...

Why was farming outlawed during World War Two?

The germination controlled the crops.

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Why did the Germans lose World War 2?

They could nazi the errors of their ways.

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My grandfather was treated very poorly by Nazi's during World War II

Time and time again those bastards screwed him out of a promotion.

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Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3.

A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. Hitler opens by saying:

"Okay guys, I've got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn't believe me."

Mussolini responds "believe you about what?"

"Okay this time...

A US World War 2 Veteran goes to France

A US WWll vet goes to France with his family for a holiday, as they arrive in France the family all go through border control without a problem. The veteran tries to walk past but is told by a French woman who worked at border control that he can’t as he doesn’t have his passport or papers out.
<...

There were officials in World War 1 that were discussing a plan.

English General: Plan?

English Lieutenant: We can use trenches to—

English Major: symbolize man’s emptiness.

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What did the Nazi do after World War II?

He became a veteran Aryan.

After Peter Jackson’s successful launch of World War 1 documentary They Will Not Grow, George Lucas has announced he is making a documentary of World War 2 with remastered footage.

Spoiler: France invades first.

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It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

After World War I, the US was granted several island territories in the Pacific Ocean, Hawaii being one of them

They ending up liking it so much that they wanted Samoa

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A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II...

A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the Nazis. They start to banter and brag with each other.

The American says to the Soviet, “you know, in my country we have total freedom, I could stan...

How did Russia win the second World War?

By stalin' the german advance

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An air force cadet enters flight academy during world war 2

He gets a perfect score on the written test on the first day and starts his flight training. He's so good he's doing loops and within the first week.

He graduates within a month with flying colors and is sent to the pacific and stationed on an aircraft carrier.

He shoots down 5 Japan...

During World War 2, the Germans on the front line put up a sign "Gott Mit Uns"

The English replied with a sign of their own "We got mittens too"

Real story.

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At one point in World War II, Hitler actually couldn’t find his moustache

Turned out to be right under his nose the whole damn time

Why were the wives of World War 2 soldiers happy to see them?

Because the wives wanted to have their own D-day.

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A German pensioner has been given a 250 thousand euro fine after being arrested for having a world war two tank in his basement.

Locals said he had previously used the tank as a snowplough, until one cold winter where it broke down on the Eastern Front Lawn.

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Did you know that Hitler survived World War 2?

He's currently a mod at r/news.

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Polio is a lot like how Japan was in World War 2.

Two drops and you'll be able to get rid of it.

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World War 2 fans have their own set of complaints....

"I can't believe Hitler blew an 11 country lead!"

I just read a joke from world war 1

The captain asks for a volunteer to go out in no man's land and retrieve a message that has come with a carrier pigeon. No one volunteers, except foolish Paddy. He says, "I will go for my country!". He then climbs up out of the trench, and all you hear after are bullets, grenades, bombs, etc. And ev...

World War II, occupied Poland - three partisans who survived a firefight run into a village, fleeing a Wehrmacht squad. Exhausted, they stop by a well...

"They've surrounded the village" one of them says. "There's no way out, sarge!"

"Let's hide in the well" the sergeant responds. "We can hold on to the bucket and brace ourselves against the top walls. Just remember, if anyone comes near, we have to act like the echo, or they'll get suspic...

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Did you hear the tale of the man who single-handedly took down over 200 zeroes in World War II?

He was the worst mechanic in Japanese history.

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks l...

I feel like some of the strategies used in World War One were a little...

Over the Top

What did the poles do during world war two?

They held the telephone wires off the ground.

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

I'm not worried about all this news of a third world war...

... I don't even live in Africa!

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Bless me father for I have sinned

A man walks into a confession booth.

He says, "Bless me father, for I have sinned."

The priest there says to him, "Speak my child."

The man says, "Well father I lived in Hamburg during the Second World War. The Gestapo was searching for Jews to send to concentration camps, an...

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...

Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"

He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."

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What side did Hitler take once the nazis lost World War 2?

Suicide.

During the First World War, Switzerland was the coat hanger of the other fighting countries,

When war ended, Switzerland gave the coats back ...

But without the wallets

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?

They were Fascistanating

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What's a self-defense tactic used against the Nazis in World War II?

Jewjitsu.

Why did we use guns in world war 2 against the Germans?

We could've used Frebreze, it kills 99.99% of germs anyways.

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