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Wart Jokes

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Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.

I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night.

I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”

What do my ex-boyfriend and genital warts have in common?

They're both embarrassing to talk about and difficult to get rid of

Wasn't crazy about getting genital warts

but I have to admit, they are growing on me

Alcohol removes pimples and warts.

Not from me. From the people I look at.

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A general inspects his troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides to see for himself.

After reviewing the troops he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at the parade.

The general gets to the first...

How did the genital wart get to work?

Pubic transportation

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They say Hitler used potatoes to treat his genital warts...

Talk about a Dictator.

I've finally come to terms with having genital warts...

I guess they kinda grew on me

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What does a blue-green genie get from unprotected sex?

Genieteal warts

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If you're concerned about your new partner's sexual history, and you don't want to catch genital warts, imagine you're playing chess, not craps.

So don't roll the dice. Check first, and then mate.

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Bad Bestie?

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"

"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."

"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"

"Oh NO! I just said that th...

Three women die and go to heaven

There are ducks everywhere on the ground and floors. St. Peter tells them: "This is Heaven, you can do anything you like, as long as you don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, you will be punished."

The first woman tries very carefully to not step on a duck, but slips up and accidentall...

Why did Harry Potter bring his pig to the vet?

Because it had hog warts

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There are two men hiking through the jungle

They come across a village of native Indians who take them hostage. The leader tells them that they have two options for punishment. Death or boomba?

“Well I don’t wanna die so I’ll choose boomba” says the first guy.

Then comes out boomba. A 700 hundred pound naked man covered in wart...

Harry Potter finally got to sleep with Hermione but he had some regrets

He got hog warts

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This guy walks into the Doctor's office with a toad on his head

So, the Dr. says, " May I help you sir?" and the toad says, "Yeah, get this wart off of my ass."

What is the most prevalent STI wizards and witches get?

Hog warts.

You're a blemish, Harry.

I'm a wart?

I saw a loved up couple on the train.

The woman was caressing the man's genital warts, and it made me feel uneasy.

I hate public displays of infection.

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What’s the number one sexually transmitted disease among wizardry students?

Hog warts.

Donald Trump walks into a bar....

....with a frog on his head.

Bartender says "that's amazing, where did you get that?"

Frog says "would you believe it started as a wart on my ass?"

A granny walks in to a doctor's office with a toad on her head

A granny walks in to a doctor's office with a toad on her head.
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor-
"This massive wart grew out of my ass",
answers the toad

*Przyhcodzi baba do lekarza*, classic Polish joke

What's the prize for getting the Human Papilloma Virus?

You get an a-wart!

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door and tells her that he's always wanted to become a bear, and that he will reward her handsomely if she transforms him. She accepts, and starts gathering components for her spell. The man follows her around the whole time, explaining how he had read abou...

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What kind of skin growths are the biggest control freaks?

Anal warts.

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The corn drenched in Butter

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.
Luckily, they found a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and somet...

A man is sitting in a doctor's waiting room

A man is sitting in a doctor's waiting room with a frog on his head.
Another person waiting there says to him "how did that happen to you ? !"
To their surprise the frog speaks and says "It started out as a wart on my bum"

What do you call space herpes?

Star Warts.

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A beautiful brunette dies and 'wakes' up in a room.. [NSFW]

.. In the room in one corner there is a ladder heading up into a hole in the roof, and in another corner a small man with a small ugly penis, red with sores.


"Hi, I'm Fassi, and you're in hell. You have two choices. You can either suck me, or you can climb the ladder to success."

<...

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A young man is heading home from a big night in the town. As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town.


As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.


He wanders over to her and quietly asks, "How much?"


The sex wo...

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven.

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven. As they are approaching the gates of heaven they notice there are ducks that cover almost every inch of heaven. They ask St. Peter about the ducks.

“They are very sacred creatures and if you step on 1 you will be handcuffed to an ugly per...

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“I don’t know, but...”

Joe walks into a bathroom. He walks up to a urinal and unzips his pants when he hears “Psst.. buddy. Can you help a guy out?” Joe looks over and sees a man standing a couple urinals down. “Uh.. what?” inquires Joe. “Buddy, I need help unzipping my fly,” responds the man, who upon saying so nods his ...

The Wire Brush

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?" 

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what ...

Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck."
"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?" questioned one of the men.
"Over the years, many misconcep...

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A Christian couple finally get married...

and go on the honeymoon of their dreams. They've both abstained from sex their whole life. So when they finally have some alone time, things get hot pretty quickly.
The husband, wanting to hurry things up, takes off his wife's shoes and socks.
The wife does the same, but is horrified when ...

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A man walks into a sex doctor's office… (Possibly NSFW)

And the doctor asks what is the man's problem.

"Well doc, before we get started, you need to know that I have a small penis…"

"Sir," interrupted the doctor, "I am a professional. I have seen more penises than you could possibly imagine: big ones, small ones, cut ones, uncut ones, ones ...

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

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A man goes into his favorite bar and sees a jar of money on the counter with the word "win" printed on it.

"What's this about?" he asks the bartender.



"That's our monthly contest. You put in a $20 entry fee and then perform the three acts. If you complete all three successfully you win the pot."



"Cool," he says. "What are the three acts?"



"Well, first, you hav...

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Dying of dehydration

There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can ...

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Armless Man (NSFW-Language)

A man with no arms walks into a restroom. He approaches a urinal and turns to a man using the urinal next to him.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah?"
"As you can see I have no arms, so I was wondering if you could undo my zipper?"
The man is shocked, but takes pity on the armless man, and agrees. ...

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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The corniest dirty joke ever

There are three guys lost in the desert. They have been wandering around for weeks, and are somehow still alive, yet they are on the brink of death. They crawl over a sand dune and all stop, staring into the distance with their mouths agape.

"Do you see that?" the first guy says. "Yup," the o...

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