Civil war jokes?

I don't General Lee like them.

Why did the French have so many Civil Wars?

Because they wanted to be able to win one for once.

Who is Donald Trump's favorite Civil War General?

Stonewall Jackson











(disclaimer I don't actually know who his favorite general is)

What did the Middle East say when they saw Yemen having another civil war?

Oman, here we go again...

What was Morgan Freeman called before the civil war?

Morgan.

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

A 178 year old Civil War survivor told me this joke.

Me: "Hey old man, tell me a joke from the war!!"

Him: "I can't remember any - I General Lee didnt find them very funny."

Back in the civil war, gunshot wounds used to be the most gruesome, awful way to die.

Now it's considered kid stuff.

Civil War spoilers

Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.

Southerners can do pretty good civil war voice impressions....

General Lee speaking.

Three Americans who died in battle: a World War I soldier, a World War II soldier, and a Civil War soldier are waiting to get into heaven

Since there seems to be a massive line of people ahead of them, they decide to start chatting amongst themselves.

The WWI soldier says, "So, there I was in the trenches, fightin' that evil German overlord with ridiculous facial hair!"

The WWII soldier says, "Well, *I* was on Omaha Beac...

Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision

Donald Trump doesn't believe there were any lynchings during the Civil War.

When asked about it, He said it was just a case of Fake Noose

Civil war

To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns.

Why are there no more civil war reenactments any more?

Half the guys keep getting into fights and being arrested on their way to events.

A young Jewish boy goes to a new school in a small American mid-west town

The teacher asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?”
A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the father of our country.”
The teacher replies, “Well, that’s a very good answer, but that’s not quite the ans...

[SPOILER] Ending of Civil War.

Lincoln gets killed at the end.

Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?

Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A true story that has a punchline

I was standing out in front of a big box store with my dad, waiting on my Aunt to shop. When we see a beautiful African American lady walk past in yoga pants. I’m talking drop dead gorgeous!

After watching her walk into the store, my dad comments “Holy crap, those should be illegal!”

I...

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

“How are your parents?” shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied:” They’re very well, thank you. Isn’t the weather nice for this time of year?”

It was civil war.

What caused the civil war in Ethiopia?

Too many Negus.

The difference between a cookie and a cracker.

Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.

People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

The Detroit Lions are having there worst football season ever

They haven't been able to catch the ball or even score a single touchdown because they have an atrocious quarterback. One night, the Lions manager is watching the news when he sees footage of the Bosnian Civil war. While he is watching, he sees a rebel fighter run up to a government building and tos...

Medical bills are expensive

but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than

I was researching the Jackson family tree.

I got back as far as the civil war and then I hit a stone wall.

What do you call a war between the three largest air forces in the world?

A civil war.

What does Captain America and Spain have in common?

A horrific Civil War

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fan's of Marvel should be happy with the election results.

Looks like you'll be getting a Civil War sequel much earlier than anticipated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business owner is looking to have a painting commissioned...

He has this decently sized white wall in his office, and asks a local artist to paint a mural on it.

The artist asks, "Well, what kind of mural were you thinking?"

The owner is a huge American History buff. He thinks for a bit, about the revolutionary war, the civil war... he decides ...

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.