5 ppl in Audi Quattro

5 Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian Border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them,
"It's a illegala to putta 5 People in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" Asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian Official.
...

What’s the difference between an Audi and a hedgehog?

The pricks are on the outside of the hedgehog.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

F*cking Audi four wheel drive!

It was a snowy wednesday evening. Snow had fallen for a couple of days, and the roads were treacherous.

A man walks into a bar, and while passing through the door he loudly clears his throat and spits in the corner, followed by a mumbled "Fucking Audi four wheel drive!".

He sits down, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone bet me a car that I wouldn't get belly button enhancement surgery.

I just got me an Audi.

Missing wife

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Inspector : -Slim or healthy?.
Husband : -Not slim, but...

I bought my cat a new car

It's a me-audi

My boss pulled up in his brand new Audi today

My boss pulled up in his brand new Audi today
and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.”

I saw the rarest beast on the way home from work yesterday.

An Audi driver actually used his signal while changing lanes.

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

I wanted to buy an Audi.

But I can't A4'd it.

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.

Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies in disbelieve. "Look ...

What do you call a rich brown person driving an Audi?

A Saudi

A Cowboy walks in to a well known car showroom and says

Audi.

Some German cars are very quiet.

They are barely audi-ble

A boy gets his first job while in high school...

...as a repossessor.

​

He is enjoying feeling responsible and is pleased that he is in the workforce, however his mother isn't very happy with his job choice.

​

"I wish you would find a different job," his mother kept telling him. "I feel awful for a...

What do you call a car made in Texas?

A H’audi

What did the cowboy say when he walked into the German car dealership?

Audi!

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

A redneck wants to buy a German car.

”Audi partner!”

Merlot.

Heard this one a while back, haven't seen it on Reddit yet so here it is. Long.
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said. "The gentleman seated over there....and in...

My Texan friends really seem to love German cars.

Every time I see them, they smile, wave real friendly-like and say, "Audi!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button...

... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

80yrs old grandpa calls the radio...

"Hello, I'd like to participate in the game!" he says.

"Wonderful! There are three questions, are you ready?"

"Of course!"

"First question then. What is it: it has two wheels and you can roll on it?"

"A bike!"

"Not bad, but we were thinking about a mountain bike, t...

A man is pulled over by a cop for speeding

The cop, however, is a riddle lover and tells the man that he would be free to go without a ticket if he solved his riddle correctly.
The man accepted, and the cop told him: "you're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the opposite side you see two lights coming towards you. What is it?"
...

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What type of belly buttons do cars have?

Audi's.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horse's dick

Horse & chicken were best friends. One day, horse fell into a hole. Chicken called a farmer who used his Audi Q7 Quattro to pull out the horse, horse became very happy & thought someday he will return the favour.

Then one day the chicken fell into the hole. The horse lowered his dick ...

A driver is stopped by the police...

...and the officer asks whether he's drunk or took any drugs. The driver denies but the policeman wants to investigate further and starts asking questions:

Officer: "You see two lights in the distance, what's that?"

Man: "A car, of course"

Officer: "yeah, but what car? A Mercede...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A trucker walks into a bar demanding 2 beers...

he takes the first one, gargles and spit it back in the glass, then starts spitting on the ground. This goes on for about 10 minutes, till the barkeeper asks him "Buddy are you ok?". "Yeah" he replied "I just drove my truck in a ditch and some european asshole with his Audi A6 came along asking me i...