I volunteered to help blind children today!

That’s a verb not an adjective btw.

So I volunteered for the Russian Vaccine Trial for...

So I volunteered for the Russian Vaccine Trial for Covid-19. It's been kept very, very quiet for security reasons. I received my first shot and wanted to let you know that it’s completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, чт...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The British Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus

They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head...

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roo...

I volunteered to help blind kids from ages 1 to 14

Oh and “blind” was a verb

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

Scott Morrison was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr Morrison if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.

So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'

A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing' in the field and a tractor runs o...

An English teacher has volunteered to educate prisoners at a local prison.

Teahcer: "can you tell me please, what comes after every sentence?"

One of the prisoners then responds with;
"that's easy. Parole."

There was a nun who volunteered at a hospital,

and since she had her doctorate and medical license, the hospital allowed her to prescribe medications. In fact, she took great joy in being able to provide prescriptions immediately, and so modified one of her uniforms to start carrying some of the more common medications and equipment. Over time, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Jehovah's Witness were driving through the countryside when their car broke down.

The only house in the vicinity was an old farmhouse, so they decided to stay there for the night.

"I'm so sorry," said the farmer. "The bed in the guest room only has room for two people." So he volunteered the Jew to sleep in the barn.

Five minutes later, the farmer heard a knock on t...

I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school

I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...


Because you always win.

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at the coffee shop...

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What?...

Bob's volunteered to give a C programming workshop but needs a topic

Give that man some pointers

My brother volunteered to perform my sons circumcision

But I could never force kin to do that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

I’m not supposed to say anything, but you all deserve to know....

Hey,  So heads up.... I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose earlier this morning 09:20...

Johnny’s up to it again

The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!"

"That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's absurd to compare Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler

Hitler volunteered for the army.

The Spiritual Healer

One day a traveling religious healer came to a small town. He promised that through the power of the Lord he could cure any ailment no matter how severe.

That night the town gathered in the town square to see a huge stage with a long white curtain and a large golden cross. The healer aske...

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

I once sold my toucan to a power plant.

I once sold my toucan (ya know, the type of tropical bird), whose name was Drea, to a power plant. I was told he'd simply be entertainment for the workers, sort of like a pet. Eventually, however, our local PETA caught wind of this and intervened. Drea was sent to a nearby bird shelter, where my ...

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do cats stutter?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked t...

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome...

...The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however wanted the responsibility… until the synagogue janitor, Moishe, volunteered.

As there was nobody else who wanted to go, Moishe was given the task. But because h...

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.