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Vader Jokes

(from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber?

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Darth Vader so famous?

He was the first black man to admit he is the father.

you ever hear about Darth Vader's other daughter, Ella Vader?

She's really going up in the world.

How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask?

He's force fed.

Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife.

Ella wasn’t great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presence.

Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab?

He’s called ‘Taxi Vader’

What is Darth Vader’s favorite month?

Imperial March

Do you know why they called him Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader never would have worked.

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are about to engage in a lightsaber duel, when Vader suddenly whispers, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke ignores him and continues to prepare for the fight.

Vader whispers again, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke lowers from his attack stance and asks, "Ok, what are you going on about?"



Vader says, "I can sense your presents."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?

He claims to be your father.

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

You know Darth Vader actually did get married.

Even though he’s kind of a downer she’s much more uplifting… her name is Ella

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

Darth Vader walks into a record store

Darth Vader walks into a record store and asks if they have a copy of George Michael's first studio album. The clerk says they are sold out, to which Vader responds - I find your lack of Faith disturbing!

If Darth Vader was frozen in Carbonite

He would be Mannaquin Skywalker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Met a prostitute who said she'll do anything for $50...

Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...

Darth Vader could never find love....

He was looking in Alderaan places.

Vader's son spill some hot coffee on himself

He isn't burnt, just lukewarm

i just learned that Darth Vader loved watching silly comedies.

May the farce be with you.

They put a model of young Darth Vader in the wax museum…

…actually it was Mannequin Skywalker.

How does Darth Vader greet visitors to Disneyland?

Welcome to the Park side.

What happens when Darth Vader sneezes?

George Lucas yells "Cut!"

Trump is Darth Vader's cousin!

Tax E. Vader.

What did Vader's dog say to Luke's dog

Join the bark side

What do you get when you cross Ella Fitzgerald and Darth Vader

Elevator

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

Where does Darth Vader buy his clothes?

At the Death Store

Say what you will about Darth Vader

But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.

What did Darth Vader say under the tree?

Luke... I feel your presents...

My sister just told this to me, and I genuinely laughed at it so I thought it belonged here!

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm.

^^im ^^sorry

What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

My friends 10 yo daughter made this up while in the elevator today: "Did you know Darth Vader has another daughter?"

Mom: "No, who?"
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

Why do they call him Lord Vader?

Because no one could keep a straight face calling him Master Vader.

Why does Darth Vader's breathing sound so angry?

He is just venting...

How does Darth Vader like his toast...

On the dark side😂😂


(Told to me by my dad)

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves...

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her names’s Ella.

Why doesn't Darth Vader like to eat Ewoks?

He thinks they're a little Chewie.

Apple/orchard jokes needed!

I work at an apple orchard as an orchardist. I also tent to narrate the hay rides a lot. I've tried to Google apple jokes but could only find two decent ones.

What is darth vaders favorite apple? Empire apples

Why did the chicken cross the orchard? To get to the other cider

Tho...

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

Darth Vader...

Of all the things that Darth Vader lost when the Death Star blew up, it was the destruction of his George Michael box set that affected him most deeply.

He finds his lack of Faith disturbing.

What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon?

He found their lack of freight disturbing

^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

Where does Darth Vader go shopping?

At the Darth Mall.

How does Darth Vader take his coffee?

You would think black right? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

Darth Vader asked the Emperor how many pizzas he should get...

Palpatine: order 66...

What did Darth Vader tell Luke?

Luke, I am your [Unlock Content for 20000 Credits].

I heard Darth Vader's suit was really expensive.

It must have cost him an arm and a leg.

What did Darth Vader say when he sensed Luke for the first time?

"I have a dad feeling about this."

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord...

His name would be Taxi Vader

How do we know that Darth Vader is American?

Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March

What did Vader say after he kills the Emperor?

Why so... Sidious

I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out.

I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.

What is Darth Vader’s favorite Nissan vehicle?

The Rogue one.

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