How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

My wife asked me to take her to one of those fancy restaurants where they prepare the meal in front of you. So I took her to Subway....

We're signing the divorce papers right now.

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest...

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man tu...

A drunk man boards a subway and sits next to a priest.

A drunk man boards a subway and sits next to a priest. The priest is disgusted to see his miserable condition and says, "You are going to hell". The drunk guy looks up frightened and says, "damn I got on the wrong train".

Jared ended his subway career the same way he started it

Trying to get into smaller pants.

To the guy who coughed on me on the subway...

Edit: Thanks for the cold kind stranger!

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the 'S' out of Sub and the 'F' out of Way

What do you call a bunch of hoes on the subway

A train of thot

Jared from subway was sentenced by the judge for 16 years in prison.

But he didn’t care, you know why

Because he was ok with anything under 18

Jared from Subway was hired and fired for the exact same reason.

He loved to eat fresh

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches

Subway makes all their sandwiches with love.

Now if they would actually put some meat in them...

Did you guys hear about Jared Fogle from Subways transformation?

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

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A Blonde Walks into Subway...

She orders a simple footlong sandwich and goes to the register.

"That'll be $6.70," says the cashier.

The blonde tries to use the chip on her card, but it doesn't work.

So she tries it again, and still nothing.

Finally she tries to swipe and it does nothing.
...

Ladies call me Subway...

because I’ve got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

What do a subway perv and the person they're staring at having in common?

Theyre both thinking "I really want to get off right now"

I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich.

She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"

A man was arrested today for assaulting a legless man on the subway.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

This sub is seriously falling apart

I knew I should’ve gone to Subway

A monk walks into a Subway

“Welcome to Subway, what can I get you?”

The monk looks at the sign and says, “Make me one with everything.”

Subway is a lot like prostitution.

You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

Subway stops are kind of my fetish.

It's just how I get off.

A dwarf on the subway was playing music with a perfect beat

He was a metro-gnome

What do you call a Rat living in subway?

Underrated.

I wonder if Jared from Subway is still staying trim in prison...

I mean he’s still probably getting a foot-long everyday

What does Subway and Reddit have in common?

When you go to Subway, none of their subs have anything original in them either.

Sam was a man with big dreams who lived in a small countryside village

One day, sam decided to follow his dreams and went to the big city. "Now you gotta find a job, Sam" he said to himself, and went to search for one.

After being rejected from several job interviews, Sam returns defeated to his home, there, he decides not to give up. With some money from his pa...

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Subway

I was taking the Subway train due to the fact that it was the fastest way to work. I was going to have a presentation that day and nothing have to ruin it. At the last station where the train picked up the last passangers, a super hot and sexy women from Thailand sat infront of me. I was thinking to...

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Today I was awakened with oral sex

.It is dangerous to sleep with your mouth open on the subway.

What do you call a London subway train full of professors?

A tube of smarties.

A woman plans to pay her sister a visit. They haven't seen one another for years, since her sister moved to New York.

"So, Rebecca- what's the best way I should find your apartment?"

"Well, Miriam it's real easy. When you leave the subway you'll see the great big tower-block, the one with the revolving glass-door to your immediate right. Give it a shove with your foot and scuttle inside while it's turning. S...

Two priests and a whale walk into subway

The first priest orders a turkey on italian, and also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine here, but since you're a priest I'll go run and get some for you." So he runs to the liquor store across the street to go buy some wine.

The second priest orders a meatball...

A Spicy Italian

Right before they announced all the restaurants were closing I went to Subway 1 last time.
I placed my order, then the girl behind me proceeded to place hers.
She said, "I'd like a 6 foot Spicy Italian."
I turned to her and said, "Sorry ma'am -- I'm only 5 11"

What do you call a fashionable subway system

Metro

A black guy loses a middle finger in a work accident.

The surgeon tells him: "I'm sorry but I cannot attach your original finger due to the damage. However, I can attach one from a dead person. The thing is, I only have fingers from white people available."

The black guy says it's no problem, as long as he can use all fingers again.

Surge...

What do you call smoking weed on the subway?

A hot boxcar.

A boy and his mother were walking towards their local MRT..

They were heading to the main City in order to buy some food supplies, they did this every week in order to be always ready for an emergency and such.

They finished buying their groceries and set off to return home, the subway was very packed, since they got home in rush hour, the passenger...

Why did the gnome take the subway to work?

Because a metro-gnome is always on time

A girl met a guy at the subway

G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place

B: awww... Are you single?

G: No I'm a dentist

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my paycheck in my
pocket."

"Oh, really?" she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth
raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Subway

A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

Why did Jared from Subway get arrested?

Too much eating fresh

Why did it take so long for Atlanta to build a subway?

Talking about an underground railroad is still a sore subject around those parts.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A pianist performing in a subway terminal...

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.

Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.

I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"

To wh...

My girlfriend wants me to take her somewhere that they make they food right in front of you for Valentine’s.

Subway here I come...

How do you call a dog who works at a subway?

A subwoofer.

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Jared the Subway guy?

Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

Even art majors deserve recognition

TIFU by getting myself a sandwich from Subway instead of Firehouse Subs.

Wait, wrong sub

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The subway guy wrapped my sandwich the same way I wrap up my penis before sex.

He didn't.

Why does Subway call its employees Sandwich Artists?

So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.

So this black guys stopped me on the subway and asked "did the Yankees win?"

I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now"

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AITA For getting my daughter a turkey sandwich from subway instead of ham?

She asked for ham but she usually picks off the ham, so I thought I would get her turkey so she can try something new. Just wondering, if I am the asshole I understand.

A man walks into a Subway...

A man walks into a Subway and orders a meatball marinara, the worker then asks him
"Would you like a joke along with your meal today?"
To which the man replies
"I sure would"
The worker then leaves and comes back with a huge walnut, the man sighs of disappointment and takes the walnut, c...

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

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My dick is like a subway footlong

It never satisfies anyone

What did Jared from Subway get in his court sentence?

Free foot-longs for life.

I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

A pianist setup in a Subway terminal...

was playing beautiful music but suddenly stopped when this weird looking kid with a dunce cap leaves.

I didn't think much of it but the next day I was in the same area and the same thing happened: beautiful music until weird looking kid with dunce cap leaves.

I approached the accomplis...

Subway to release a statement next week

In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.

I walked into a Subway copycat joint earlier to see how their sandwiches compare. They claimed to be Sub standard...

but i thought they were below par.

Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...

They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.

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I tried to share a subway sandwich with a homeless man on the bus.

He kept telling me to fuck off and get my own.

Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.

Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.

Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?

Guy: Why do you think so?

Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.

Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.

Woman: Yeah. But how have you gue...

TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.

Whoops, wrong sub.

what do you call a dwarfish creature snapping along to a song in a subway?

a metrognome

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Two Italian men on the subway...

... were talking with thick accents. One says to the other, "First, Emma come. Then I come. Two asses. I come a second time, and, again, two asses. I come a third time, pee twice, and I come one last time.

A lady within earshot walks up and tells the guy speaking, "I think it's shameful the w...

The little man in the hat. (OC)

There was the short man, about 2-3 ft tall, who had a tall pointy red hat and a big white beard. He would walk around subways and metros and find those people who sit on the ground play music for money.

This man would go up to them and start to stomp and clap a beat for them. Most of the tim...

Overheard in a Subway the other day...

The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"

He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"

What do men and Subway have in common?

They both exaggerate the length.

I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway

So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.

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When Jared from subway was a kid (long)

He was a larger boy, all of the schoolchildren would call him names. Jared would get mad but didnt know what to. This goes on for some time until Jared went to his school counselor. His couseler asks what the problem is. Jared explains how all the schoolchildren can not see past his weight and accep...

Took a girl with severe OCD to subway..

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

"I need to see if this is actually one foot long!" she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled ...

Subway released their new kids menu.

They say it's Jared's favorite.

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Old man and a rainbow haired boy in subway.

i've heard it in russian, so i'll try to translate it.
So, once an old man take a ride in subway and was confronted by a young person with brightly colored hairs, piercings everywhere possible and torn cloths. So, the old man seats calmly and stares at boy. He noticed that and asks: "what are yo...

What do me and Subway have in common?

We both lie about it being six inches

Girlfriends are like subway seats...

You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.

A hen walks into Subway

The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."

Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ?

they're always a little smaller than they say.

What do Subway and I have in common?

We both advertise a healthy foot long, but it's really only 7 - 8 at most

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?

He thought they had delivery service.

I was sitting on the subway next to a fat guy and it got me thinking...

So I turned to him and asked "How can you let yourself get so fat? Isn't it hard to put that much weight on?"

"Nah, piece of cake."

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What do Betsy Devos and Jared from Subway have in common?

Both of their main goal is to fuck children.

Last weekend my wifey asked me to bring her to one of those restaurants where they prepare food in front of you...

... so i brought her to Subway ... since then she hasn’t spoken to me 😥

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