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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper.

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?”

Moshe replied, “I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being pers...

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

Subway stops are kind of my fetish.

It's just how I get off.

A dwarf on the subway was playing music with a perfect beat

He was a metro-gnome

What do you call a Rat living in subway?

Underrated.

What does Subway and Reddit have in common?

When you go to Subway, none of their subs have anything original in them either.

I wonder if Jared from Subway is still staying trim in prison...

I mean he’s still probably getting a foot-long everyday

What do you call a London subway train full of professors?

A tube of smarties.

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Subway

I was taking the Subway train due to the fact that it was the fastest way to work. I was going to have a presentation that day and nothing have to ruin it. At the last station where the train picked up the last passangers, a super hot and sexy women from Thailand sat infront of me. I was thinking to...

Why did Jared from Subway get arrested?

Too much eating fresh

My wife asked me to take her to one of those fancy restaurants where they prepare the meal in front of you. So I took her to Subway....

We're signing the divorce papers right now.

I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich.

She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"

Jared from Subway's career started and ended the same way.

Trying to get into smaller pants.

Subway

A man walks into the local Subway to buy lunch.
“Hello, what can I get you today?”
“Just a meatball sub thanks”
After receiving his meal, the man sits and notices shreds of paper in his sandwich.
“Excuse me, but why is my sandwich full off paper?”
“Sorry sir, it must have been the res...

Ladies call me Subway...

because I’ve got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

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A drunk, who smelled of stale beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?"

...

Why did it take so long for Atlanta to build a subway?

Talking about an underground railroad is still a sore subject around those parts.

A monk walks into a Subway

“Welcome to Subway, what can I get you?”

The monk looks at the sign and says, “Make me one with everything.”

What do you call a fashionable subway system

Metro

What do you call smoking weed on the subway?

A hot boxcar.

What do a subway perv and the person they're staring at having in common?

Theyre both thinking "I really want to get off right now"

TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway

Whoops, wrong sub.

So I went to Subway the other day

I ordered the usual, roast beef with cucumbers, lettuce and Chipotle sauce.

When I got the sandwich, it was mouldy and looked like it had been used many times before, so I handed back to the employee who had made it.

He looked at it for a while before saying "oh yeah, this sub has a lo...

How do you call a dog who works at a subway?

A subwoofer.

Why did the gnome take the subway to work?

Because a metro-gnome is always on time

I ordered a foot long Italian on whole wheat at Subway but I got a six inch turkey on flatbread.

Wrong sub.

Subway is a lot like prostitution.

You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my paycheck in my
pocket."

"Oh, really?" she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth
raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Two priests and a whale walk into subway

The first priest orders a turkey on italian, and also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine here, but since you're a priest I'll go run and get some for you." So he runs to the liquor store across the street to go buy some wine.

The second priest orders a meatball...

A girl met a guy at the subway

G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place

B: awww... Are you single?

G: No I'm a dentist

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I had never woken up to a blowjob before

That is the last time I sleep with my mouth open on the subway!

Why does Subway call its employees Sandwich Artists?

So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

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AITA For getting my daughter a turkey sandwich from subway instead of ham?

She asked for ham but she usually picks off the ham, so I thought I would get her turkey so she can try something new. Just wondering, if I am the asshole I understand.

My husband is like the New York subway...

He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

A man walks into a Subway...

A man walks into a Subway and orders a meatball marinara, the worker then asks him
"Would you like a joke along with your meal today?"
To which the man replies
"I sure would"
The worker then leaves and comes back with a huge walnut, the man sighs of disappointment and takes the walnut, c...

Subway

A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

A pianist performing in a subway terminal...

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.

Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.

I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"

To wh...

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My dick is like a subway footlong

It never satisfies anyone

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Jared the Subway guy?

Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What did Jared from Subway get in his court sentence?

Free foot-longs for life.

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

Even art majors deserve recognition

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The subway guy wrapped my sandwich the same way I wrap up my penis before sex.

He didn't.

I walked into a Subway copycat joint earlier to see how their sandwiches compare. They claimed to be Sub standard...

but i thought they were below par.

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2 interesting facts about me

* 1) My dick is not as big as a footlong at Subway
* 2) I'm no longer allowed in Subway

what do you call a dwarfish creature snapping along to a song in a subway?

a metrognome

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

I made a huge mistake

I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.

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My dick is like a subway foot long

I tell people it’s a foot, but we all know it’s shorter.

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When Jared from subway was a kid (long)

He was a larger boy, all of the schoolchildren would call him names. Jared would get mad but didnt know what to. This goes on for some time until Jared went to his school counselor. His couseler asks what the problem is. Jared explains how all the schoolchildren can not see past his weight and accep...

How do you get an elephant into a subway?

Take the “S” out of “sub” and the “F” out of “way”

Subway to release a statement next week

In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.

Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...

They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.

I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.

Whoops, wrong sub.

I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway

So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.

Rich sheik's son studies abroad

The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father:

"Father,
I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed ...

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Old man and a rainbow haired boy in subway.

i've heard it in russian, so i'll try to translate it.
So, once an old man take a ride in subway and was confronted by a young person with brightly colored hairs, piercings everywhere possible and torn cloths. So, the old man seats calmly and stares at boy. He noticed that and asks: "what are yo...

Overheard in a Subway the other day...

The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"

He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"

Took a girl with severe OCD to subway..

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

"I need to see if this is actually one foot long!" she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled ...

Girlfriends are like subway seats...

You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.

What do me and Subway have in common?

We both lie about it being six inches

Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ?

they're always a little smaller than they say.

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Two Italian men on the subway...

... were talking with thick accents. One says to the other, "First, Emma come. Then I come. Two asses. I come a second time, and, again, two asses. I come a third time, pee twice, and I come one last time.

A lady within earshot walks up and tells the guy speaking, "I think it's shameful the w...

Subway released their new kids menu.

They say it's Jared's favorite.

Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.

Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.

Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?

Guy: Why do you think so?

Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.

Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.

Woman: Yeah. But how have you gue...

Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?

He thought they had delivery service.

A hen walks into Subway

The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."

So this black guys stopped me on the subway and asked "did the Yankees win?"

I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now"

I was craving some Indian food yesterday...

...So I went and got subway.

What do men and Subway have in common?

They both exaggerate the length.

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I tried to share a subway sandwich with a homeless man on the bus.

He kept telling me to fuck off and get my own.

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What do Betsy Devos and Jared from Subway have in common?

Both of their main goal is to fuck children.

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An old man was riding the subway.

A young man was sitting across from him He had wildly spiked hair with streaks of color: blue, yellow, red, and purple.

The old man was staring at him intently, so the young man said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything out of the ordinary in your life?"

The old ...

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

I was sitting on the subway next to a fat guy and it got me thinking...

So I turned to him and asked "How can you let yourself get so fat? Isn't it hard to put that much weight on?"

"Nah, piece of cake."

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Today I was awakened with oral sex

.It is dangerous to sleep with your mouth open on the subway.

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