Although we may never see Trump Wall...

... we all just got to see Trump Cave.

Did you hear the one about the soccer team trapped in the cave?

It’s pretty dark

How did the catholic priest help the crazy man get out of the cave?

He had some miners help him bust a nut

My wife asked me what the female version of a man cave is

I told her it’s a kitchen

I'm glad the cave rescue is complete....

Now when I google Thai boys I can get back to normal results

I dont like the fact that the Thailand cave boys have become all famous and mainstream.

I preferred them when they were more Underground

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As Vernon the vampire bat flew inside the cave…

his friends started at him with a mixture of admiration and jealousy.

“Yo Vernon, your face is covered with blood! What kind of animal did you feed from?”

Vernon gazed as his friends and said smugly “None of your business!”

“C’mon Man! Don’t be an idiot! Tell us!”

“Nah. N...

Hey girl are you a Thai cave?

Cuz I want to put 12 kids in you

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did Ygritte tell Jon Snow after they had sex in the cave?

You know nuttin', Jon Snow

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave

The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?”

​

“I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.”

What did the Miner say when he fell into the cave?

Great. I fell in a Sarchasm.

Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team?

It's a Thai

Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers

It means they're already good divers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A vampire bat came flopping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, parked himself on the ceiling of a cave, and prepared to get some sleep.

Pretty soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and go get some sleep.

But they persisted, until finally he gave in, grudgingly. “Ok,” he said, “follow me,” and he flew out of the cave with hundreds and hundreds of bats...

Hey girl are you a cave in Thailand?

Cause I wanna leave some kids inside you

What's the difference between the Tham Luang cave boys and the FIFA World Cup?

The boys are coming home.

What country is known for cave paintings?

Denmark

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

The news said that the Thai boys trapped in the cave system had no idea about the world outside following the happenings of the rescue, so I guess you could say that....

They were in the dark about their situation!

"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive."

I think they've hired Neymar.

I heard from the news that they finally got all the boys out of the cave.

Another happy ending in Thailand, it seems.

Told my boss my idea for a game where the user would steal an idol from a cave monster.

He told me to run with it.

When the little boys stuck in that cave in Thailand are rescued, there’s definitely gonna be a movie. There’s a ex US Navy Seal helping. They’re gonna make the movie all about him

and have Scarlett Johansen playing one of the Thai boys.

Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave....

One of them would have known how to dive

Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...

After all they're the world's most talented divers.

Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: They should call a priest.

Me: Dad! They could still be alive.

Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

Had a bet going with a friend over who would be the first to get those kids out of that cave, Elon Musk or the Navy SEALs...

...He said Elon Musk, I said it would be a Thai.

The boys trapped in a cave in Thailand need to become diving experts to escape

Sounds like a job for Neymar

I heard the last two kids rescued raced eachother to the end of the cave...

Rescuers reported the race ended in a Thai.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

Vampire bats fly out of their cave and into the night looking for blood.

As the sun begins to rise the following morning, all of them return without consuming a single drop of blood, no one could find any food that night.

All except one, Gerald, who flies back in with blood pouring down his fangs.

"I searched all night for some blood, didn't even get a sni...

Why don't birds live in caves?

It would be to much of a bird den.

Somebody should've told Logan Paul the Thai kids in the cave had died.

He would have found them in no time.

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW: A man is exploring a cave when two large boulders fall on his leg, pinning him to the ground. A spider is the only one to hear his cries for help.

“I am the elder spider of this cave and will grant you one wish!” he says.
The man makes his wish and the spider calls all his brethren to watch. Thousands of spiders gather around, rubbing their hind legs and smacking their mandibles. The man is confused and a little scared but figures the sp...

I wonder how long our ancestors managed to live with no shelter...

before they caved

Three bats are hanging out in their cave

A large one, a medium one and a small one.
"I'm feeling hungry." Says the big one and flies out of the cave. He returns with a bloody face and asks "Do you guys remember the town by the hill?"
"We remember."
"Well forget about it. No one survived."
Few minutes later the medium ba...

Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave?

He had to go to the Bat Room.

[an old classic]

A man wants to join a Alaskan biker gang.

So a man wants to join an Alaskan biker gang and is told by the members he has to do 3 things to get in

1. Drink A fifth of jack

2. Wrestle a bear

3. Make love to an Eskimo women

The man slams the fifth and staggers to his bike and they drive off to the bear cave.

...

The magical cave swamiji!

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he visit a Swamiji who lived in a nearby cave. “Simply leave a sample of urine outside his cave, and he will meditate on it, miraculously diagnose your problem, and tell you what you can do about it. But it w...

If men have man caves, why dont women have woman caves?

They do, we just universally named it the kitchen many years ago.

Two cavemen were chiseling on slabs of rock in a cave

Suddenly one of the cavemen shouted, "I've did it! I've discovered zero!"

The other caveman asked, "What is it?"

The first caveman replied, "Oh, nothing."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lion and his wife where sitting around one morning when a fox came by

... and started cursing "Fuck the lion, king of the jungle my ass, fuck this fuck that..." and then ran off, the lioness looks at the lion and says : "aren't you going to do something?!" and the lion said: "Just leave him alone"

The next morning same thing happens, and the lioness asks the li...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the cave woman use as a dildo?

A fucking rock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"What's a man cave?"

Mt wife saw a beer sign in a garage we passed and said it must be a man cave. 5-year-old daughter asked, "What's a man cave?" Wife explained and daughter asked, "What about a girl cave?" I immediately responded, "It's called a kitchen, dear." Wife proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit outta my arm....

Paddy and Murphy are in a dark cave.

Paddy says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"

Murphy hands Paddy a match, which Paddy strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.

Paddy says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."

"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earli...

So these two bats were hanging out in a cave

They were just chillin' when both of them saw this object off in the distance approach at frightening speed. Immediately, one of the bats knew what to do. He swung into action! As the object approached, he stiffened up, went completely rigid, and as the object came within range, he swung his body wi...

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal. The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?" So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show ...

What do you call a wandering cave man?

A meanderthal.

I (maybe?) came up with this joke today. What do you call a lost caveman?

A meanderthal.

I thought Bill Gates would cave and release the new Microsoft Office early.

But he kept his Word.

Old joke from former Eastern Germany: An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, KGB and the Stasi....

The CIA team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later.

"As far as we can determine, the remains are about 500,000 years old."

Not to be outdone by the CIA, the KGB goes in and comes out about 8 hours later.

"The remains are approximately 515,550 y...

A Guy was in a cave

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said ...

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles.

One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.

The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."

The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I dra...

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.

About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".

"Well...", he replies, "you know when you a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cave Excavation

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in their order of appearance:

1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Browsing this sub is like mining in a cave

Full of bat shit and I mostly get the same things over again, but it's worth the occasional gold I find.

Even though we didn't get the glorious wall the president promised...

We did get a massive cave.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A pickle, a cucumber and a penis are having a discussion...

The cucumber says "I have it bad, when I get big and strong I get cut up into little pieces and put in salads." The pickle says "I have it worse, I start out as a cucumber and when I get big and strong I'm put into a jar of vinegar for ages then cut up and put in sandwiches." The penis says "I have ...

Three men were applying for immigrant status in America...

The immigration officer asked them what they knew about American culture and traditions, but they were all silent. So he asked what Easter is.

Man #1: "Easter is when a fat man in a red suit visits all the boys and girls, and gives them presents".

"Wrong answer, that's Christmas."
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Celebrate

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to question this, pointing out ...

St. George the Dragon Slayer rides up to a huge cave

"Come out, Dragon, and fight me!" he shouts into the cave. But there is no response.
"Come out, and fight me to the death" he shouts even louder. Still no response. And the cave stinks absolutely awfully.
"Come out, you cowardly worm," shouts St. George one more time at the top of his lungs,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the caveman say when he tried to have sex in his dark cave?

I fucking rock.

Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected...

contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Rumours started that the devil has been spotted in a hidden cave somewhere in Africa...

...The interest in these rumours rose and attracted the attention of USA, China and Russia. They sent their best spies to investigate the case. Months passed until they found the secret entrance to the cave. Surprisingly, the devil was expecting them. He acted as he admired their courage to face him...

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

Why did the pedophile go into the cave?

He was looking for miners.

3 Stranded Men

A ship is wrecked in a storm and sinks in the ocean. Only three passengers (All Guys) make it to a nearby island. They didnt know each other. They manage to survive on the island for some months through tremendous hardship and become very good friends.
One day they find an Old Bottle in a cave....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a Buddhist monastery famous for their meals.

He goes in, and asks for the meal that the wealthiest people love, figuring that must be the best there. The head monk sadly inform him that they do not have the key ingredient, and that due to a religious vow they took, they cannot leave the monastery. Luckily, they tell him that if he can get the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man travels thousands of miles to seek the wisdom of a famous, old yogi...

The man flies to the remote little country where the yogi lives isolated in the mountains

He lands at the airport and takes a bus as far as it will take him, to a little town at the base of the mountains.

He rents a pack animal to take him as far as the animal will go up the mountain, ...

I've got a story...

So I'm real good friends with this guy named Juan Ted. Now, Juan is a pretty amazing guy. He can steal ANYTHING he wants to. Literally anything. It could be the shirt off your back, the wallet in your pocket, or I'm even sure he'd find a way to steal your house (And your spouse too). So anyway, one ...

A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party

Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people.

"I see I'm too late," says the tiger.

"Yup," says another. "Everyone's eaten"

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.

One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 25-Inch Dick

Once, there was a man who had a 25 inch dick which was obviously very troublesome for him, he consulted doctors and tried home remedies but had no effect. His mother, who was very religious told him to meet a saint. Reluctantly, he agreed. This was a special saint, who lived in the deep woods of Ind...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wasn't sure which of three women he wanted to marry, so he gave each $10,000 to see how they used it.

The first woman went to the store, bought the man new clothes, new furniture, and new electronics for his man cave. The man was impressed.

The second woman put the money in the bank, to show how responsible and thrifty she was. Again, the man was impressed.

The third woman invested t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is lost in the desert without food and water

Over a dune, he sees a cave. Delighted, he rushes in, seeking shelter from the scorching sun. As his eyes acclimate to the cave’s light, he sees a pedestal surrounded by light deep in the cave. Upon the pedestal lies a slice of peanut butter toast. The man rushes towards the slice, but 1/3rd of the ...

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lion and lioness are relaxing under a tree.

A dog comes at them out of nowhere and yells, “You bitches call yourselves king of the jungle? Lemme tell ya, you guys ain’t fooling anybody. I can fuck y’all in the ass anytime I want!” Deeply insulted, the lioness starts chasing the little shit but the lion stays right there, under the tree, enjoy...

My friend was surprised when I said I hadn't heard about the kids in Thailand being rescued

Where have you been? Living in a cave?

Hundreds of years ago, there was a brave ranger who went on many adventures.

There was also an evil sorcerer named Danny who claimed he could enchant arrows to follow their targets. Mysteriously, anyone who made the journey to the sorcerer never came back. Of course, the ranger decided to make the journey, to figure out what was going on. He made sure to take an arrow as wel...

I always carrying a flashlight when I'm spelunking

Just in caves

The best Easter joke I heard

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question.
The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?
The first blonde replies,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear is walking in the woods...

And he saw a big cave. Hoping there was food, he walked in and after a few steps a Giant grabs him and yells:
-Why are you in my cave?
-I taught there was food?
-There is no food, why are you here? Do you want me to fuck you or to kill you?
-No, I just...
-Fuck you or kill you?
-Ok...

God said “Adam, I want you to do something for me"

Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do ?” 

God said, “Go down into that valley” 

Adam said, “What’s a valley ?” 

God explained it to him.  Then God said

“Cross the River."

Adam said, “What’s a river ?" 

God explained that to him, and then said, ...

Peter Berg has decided to adapt the Thai boys rescue effort as a movie .

Mark Wahlberg will play one of the divers .

Scarlett Johansson will be one of the Thai boys.

And Kim Kardashian will play the role of the cave .

Meditation

[A bit dry : p]

One day, as he did everyday an old yogi was meditating in a cave.

A hungry traveller passing by noticed him in the cave sitting by a fire.

The traveler hoping for a bite to eat shouts into the echoing cave "Hello there!!"

The yogi being very disciplined, k...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

[Long] The Mysterious camp

There was a camp that was really mysterious. It was built on an Indian burial ground by a lake where a bunch of teens had drowned across from an abandoned insane asylum. Strange sounds could be heard at night, and campers would constantly go missing. Years later, after seeing strange flashes of ligh...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Penises in a bar

There's three penises in a bar drinking. They've been in jeans all day and need to relax. Well, they have a few beers and get to talking. They decide to see who's master was the best.

Penis #1: My master holds me all the time, and he let's me out whenever I want.

Penis #2: My master sh...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

[Blonde] Two blondes arrive at St. Peter...

...and he promises to forgive all sins and enter Paradise only to the one who answers the question correctly. Sv. Peter asked first blonde to tell him what was Easter. The first blonde said, I know, I know ... It's that holiday on the winter, when we decorate a christmas tree in the house and celebr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know you're ISIS if...

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You destroy world heritage but believe we should plant trees.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You think vests come in two sty...

An Eskimo man turned 18...

His father said to him
"To be a true Eskimo man you must do three things. Drink a whole bottle of vodka, kill a polar bear with your own two hands and then make love to an eskimo woman."
"Alright lets get started." The man says and he starts chugging the bottle. After a minute or two he finish...