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Transactions Jokes

It's not graverobbing! It's a system of mining grave yards to determine the validity of transactions.

It's a new way of thinking of money! I call it crypt-o-currency.

All transactions should be rounded down if you ask me...

But that's just my 0 cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does the head of EA like micro transactions so much?

It describes two distinct parts of his sex life

What do you call a store where you negotiate for off-the-book shrimp transactions?

A Prawn Shop


(I know, I know, it's a dumb one but it made me laugh)

“I handle important transactions for a large multinational company”...

... is what a tell my Mum instead of saying I work at McDonald’s.

I love to brag to people on how I handle financial transactions for a multi-billion dollar corp.

It beats telling them I'm a cashier at McDonald's.

What kind of payment does the Pope use to make online transactions?

Pa’pal.

EA is Officially Getting Rid of Micro-Transactions!!

And replacing them with macro-transactions.

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I’m so thankful to McDonald’s for this opportunity.

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

I'm not worried about a future where my kids are addicted to EA's micro transactions

Because there's no way I'll be paying for Verizon's internet gaming add on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I handle financial transactions for a multibillion dollar company and I am working and this complete bitch with brown hair walks into my store and you know what she says to me?

Woof woof woof woof woof.

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

When my girlfriend’s father asked me what I do for a living, I was embarrassed to say that I work at McDonald’s, so instead, I said …

"I handle transactions for a multi-billion-dollar company and industry on a daily basis
and help provide around $2 billion to the US economy each year"

I went to a LGBT+ friendly bank yesterday to see

Transactions

Pennywise got his role at his job changed.

Pennywise was working at his job, which he chose because they specifically took all transactions in pennies. His boss came up to him at his station, and said "you just aren't that good at this job, so now I am changing it. Starting today you will work in contacts and relations!"




<...

My father likes to wear women's clothes when he goes out on his sales calls.

He does a lot of transactions.

Alright men Valentines day is almost here you know what to do...

Your girlfriend is your everything on Valentines day. You need to buy her flowers, chocolates, and you better take her out somewhere special, BUT out of all the important things you just need remember to hide all of the receipts/transactions from your wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old farmer (NFSW)

One day the farmer was goimg through his mail and seen a letter from the IRS. It said they had to call the office as soon as he can. So the farmer called the local IRS agency. The IRS agent answered and said, "Hello Mr. Johnson. We would like to discuss the large transactions going in and out of you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, they start talking about how they came to their respective faiths. The Christian tells his story first: "One day I was traveling across the Atlantic Ocean when we got caught in a terrible rainstorm. I had lost complete control of the ship, so I got down on my knees and prayed to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man and the IRS

So an older gentleman received a phone call by the IRS, being notified about large sums of money going in and out of his account. He was told to be at the office first thing Monday morning. He thought to himself “Well if this is what I think it is, I better lawyer up.”

Sure enough he got a la...

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

Job Application Humor

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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

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