The Opposite Jokes - 77 Hilarious The Opposite Jokes

The opposite of formaldehyde is

casualdejekyll.

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What’s the opposite of a cactus?

A BMW, it has its pricks on the inside.

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Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers?

Kids : no idea

Dad : mentos

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What's the opposite of "Debbie Downer"?

Beth-amphetamine

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What's the opposite of "young, dumb, and full of cum"?

"Old, smart, and can't trust a fart".

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If pro is the opposite of con...

Then what's the opposite of progress?

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What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?

Natural stupidity!

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The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

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What’s the opposite of Holy Water?

Nestle

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Did you know most people don't know the opposite to these words?

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was.

But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

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What's the opposite of being able to wrap your head around something?

A turban :D

(It's my joke, MINE! If anyone *ever* wants to repost this, give me credit!)

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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words...

Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

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What's the opposite of ground beef?

High steaks

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What is the opposite of a Debbie Downer?

Bethamphetamine

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What's the opposite of Kanye?

A canoe. (sorry)

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The opposite of an assassin is

a dickdickout

What's the opposite of an empath?

A W-path.

*edit* Thanks for the upvotes. My ten year old stepson made this one up, and he's very proud that his joke got so many upvotes.

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What is the opposite of a Mermaid...

... a landlord!!

(this is my sister’s joke, I can’t take credit for it)

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.

Now it’s your turn to speak.

What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

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What's the opposite of a smart house?

A residense.

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Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in.

They need the help.

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What is the opposite of lovey?

Haiti

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A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

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What is the opposite of a wandering Jew?

A Roamin’ Catholic

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90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always

Coming

From

Take

Me

Down

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Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.

Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

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What's the opposite of irony?

\- Wrinkly

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My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of unbridled lust?

Dressage sex.

What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

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What's the opposite of a sausage fest?

Clambake.

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What's the opposite of Pyrite?

Cake wrong.

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What is the opposite of sensei?

Nonsensei

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If the opposite of misery is happiness, what is the opposite of woe?

Giddy up!

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What is the opposite of mansplaining?

Missunderstanding.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

The opposite of enlightment is ignorance

That makes me delighted

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what is the opposite of downvoted into oblivion?

Upvoted into skyrim.

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"Son, do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?"

"No dad," I say rolling my eyes.

"Mentos."

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My 5 yr old son came up with this - what is the opposite of Kathmandu?

DogLadyDont

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What's the opposite of stand up comedy?

A SITcom!

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What do you call the opposite of an iPad mini?

A maxipad.

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So, if the opposite of 'pro' is 'con'

What's the opposite of 'progress'?

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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What's the opposite of mitosis?

Your finger bro!

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What is the opposite of mango?

Womanstay. (One of *the* worst and yet best jokes my dad made. I love him.)

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

congress

(my dad told this one to me today and I had never heard of it so I apologize if everyone has already seen this joke before)

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made a robot who changes people into the opposite sex.

I guess he's a trans former

What is the opposite of a woman wearing a burka

A naked man wearing a blindfold

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The opposite of "constitution"...

...is "prostitution"...

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What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Walking

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Does anyone know the opposite of export elephant?

It's important.

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What is the opposite of mangoes?

Woman comes

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What's the opposite of a hot dog?

A chili dog

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I spent two years figuring out the opposite word for night.

But after all that time I decided to give up and call it a day.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does one saggy boob say to the opposite saggy boob?

“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts"

What’s the opposite of Protest?

Contest.

Whats the opposite of Progress?

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I keep forgetting what the opposite of night is called.

I gave up and just called it a day.

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What's the opposite of women's studies?

History.

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What’s the opposite of tight quarters?

Loose change.

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What do you call the opposite of a lady’s finger?

Mentos

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The opposite of 'isolate' is...

Usoearly. ._.

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What is the opposite of a lesson?

A more-on!

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The opposite of Neil Gaiman...

Is Stand StraightWoman

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of colonization?

Coronization. Everybody stays the fuck at home.

Teacher: What is the opposite of antibiotic

Student: Uncle-biotic

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What’s the opposite of Sad Pie Night?

You tell me ;)

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What is the opposite of Le Stop?

Lego

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Reposters are the opposite of liars

Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flossing is the opposite of masturbating

Everyone says they floss but no one actually does it.

What is the opposite of Nautica clothing?

Ica clothing

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What is the opposite of Down Syndrome?

Down Gooddeeddrome

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What's the opposite of goodwill?

Badwon't. I'll see myself out...

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