UPJOKE

The Opposite Of Jokes

What's the opposite of "Debbie Downer"?

Beth-amphetamine

What's the opposite of "young, dumb, and full of cum"?

"Old, smart, and can't trust a fart".

If pro is the opposite of con...

Then what's the opposite of progress?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

The opposite of Microsoft Office is...

Macrohard Onfire.

What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?

Natural stupidity!

What’s the opposite of Holy Water?

Nestle

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was.

But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

What's the opposite of being able to wrap your head around something?

A turban :D

(It's my joke, MINE! If anyone *ever* wants to repost this, give me credit!)

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

The opposite of formaldehyde is

casualdejekyll.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

What’s the opposite of a cactus?

A BMW, it has its pricks on the inside.

A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words...

Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

What's the opposite of ground beef?

High steaks

Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers?

Kids : no idea



Dad : mentos

What is the opposite of a Debbie Downer?

Bethamphetamine

What is the opposite of lukewarm?

Leiacold

What's the opposite of Kanye?

A canoe. (sorry)

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.




Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The opposite of an assassin is

a dickdickout

What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

What's the opposite of an empath?

A W-path.


*edit* Thanks for the upvotes. My ten year old stepson made this one up, and he's very proud that his joke got so many upvotes.

What's the opposite of a smart house?

A residense.

What is the opposite of lovey?

Haiti

Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in.

They need the help.

What's the opposite of irony?

\- Wrinkly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of unbridled lust?

Dressage sex.

What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

What's the opposite of a sausage fest?

Clambake.

So, if the opposite of 'pro' is 'con'

What's the opposite of 'progress'?

What's the opposite of Pyrite?

Cake wrong.

What is the opposite of sensei?

Nonsensei

What is the opposite of mansplaining?

Missunderstanding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

What is the opposite of a wandering Jew?

A Roamin’ Catholic

The opposite of enlightment is ignorance

That makes me delighted

What is the opposite of driver's ed?

Ed's driver.

what is the opposite of downvoted into oblivion?

Upvoted into skyrim.

Dating is kind of like the opposite of coding

You start with Java before getting comfortable with Python.

"Son, do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?"

"No dad," I say rolling my eyes.

"Mentos."

What's the opposite of mitosis?

Your finger bro!

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

My 5 yr old son came up with this - what is the opposite of Kathmandu?

DogLadyDont

What's the opposite of stand up comedy?

A SITcom!

What do you call the opposite of an iPad mini?

A maxipad.

What is the opposite of mango?

Womanstay. (One of *the* worst and yet best jokes my dad made. I love him.)

Does anyone know the opposite of export elephant?

It's important.

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

congress



(my dad told this one to me today and I had never heard of it so I apologize if everyone has already seen this joke before)

What is the opposite of mangoes?

Woman comes

What is the opposite of a Mermaid...

... a landlord!!

(this is my sister’s joke, I can’t take credit for it)

What is the opposite of a woman wearing a burka

A naked man wearing a blindfold

What is the opposite of Underwear?

Derwear

What's the opposite of a hot dog?

A chili dog

The opposite of "constitution"...

...is "prostitution"...

What’s the opposite of Protest?

Contest.

Whats the opposite of Progress?

What’s the opposite of tight quarters?

Loose change.

I keep forgetting what the opposite of night is called.

I gave up and just called it a day.

What's the opposite of women's studies?

History.

What do you call the opposite of a lady’s finger?

Mentos

What is the opposite of a lesson?

A more-on!

The opposite of Neil Gaiman...

Is Stand StraightWoman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the opposite of colonization?

Coronization. Everybody stays the fuck at home.

What is the opposite of Nautica clothing?

Ica clothing

Teacher: What is the opposite of antibiotic

Student: Uncle-biotic

What is the opposite of Le Stop?

Lego

The opposite of 'isolate' is...

Usoearly. ._.

What’s the opposite of Sad Pie Night?

You tell me ;)

Reposters are the opposite of liars

Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.

What's the opposite of Joaquin Phoenix?

Quinoa Phoenix

What's the opposite of goodwill?

Badwon't. I'll see myself out...

What is the opposite of Down Syndrome?

Down Gooddeeddrome

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flossing is the opposite of masturbating

Everyone says they floss but no one actually does it.

What is the opposite of defeat?

Da hands

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