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The Future Jokes

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as yo...

I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts...

0-0

In the future, wars are fought on a budget

The world economy ensures there are no weapons at all. A man signs up for his country’s army. He gets to training camp. The sergeant hands him a piece of wood shaped like a rifle, with a rubber bayonet on the end.

‘Right, men! This is the new war tactics. You point your rifle at the enemy a...

I can see six years into the future.

I must have 2020 vision.

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.

Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

Sometime in the future, Canada will rule the earth.

And then you’ll all be sorry.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar….

It was tense.

How will people in the future congratulate eachother?

With Sci-Fives

"What do you wish to do in the future?" asks the teacher.

Pete: "I want to be a pilot"

Tommy: "I want to be a doctor"

Margaret: "I want to be a good mother"

Frank: "I want to help Margaret"

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office

It improved my outlook.

Florida governor Ron DeSantis is apparently reviewing the future of Formula One in Miami

The Drag Reduction System is not what he thought it was.

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

What do you call a suicide bomber that can tell the future?

A tarot-ist

A time traveller travelled 1 month into the future and opened r/Jokes

"Damn, I failed again"

I went to see a psychic the other day. I asked her if I was going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

Bet she didn't see that coming.

Did you ever hear about the guy who could see the future when he picked his nose?

His name was Nostrildamus.

Fun Fact: If you drink the inside of the magic 8 ball, you can see the future.

My friend did it one and he said "I think I'm gonna die."

10 minutes later he actually did!

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

Tomorrow is the future...

But also the Present Day.

A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, "I believe I can see into the future"

The shrink asks, "When did this start?"



"Next Tuesday"

200Years in the future.

A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.

"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"

The space group is quite surprised by t...

I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing.

It’s just going downhill.

Fast.

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

Every time I'm at the circus, insects keep keep buzzing around my head whispering the future to me.

Time flies when you're having fun.

The baby that could see the future

A baby is born and during its christening, mutters “God bless Mummy, god bless Daddy, god bless Grandma, goodbye Granddad” and the next day the Granddad suddenly dies.

A few weeks pass and the baby speaks up again, babbling “God bless Mummy, god bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma” and sure enough t...

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Me: I can see into the future

Therapist: When did this start?

Me: Next Monday.

In the future water will be like sarcasm

No one will get it.

It's you, from the future!

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

I'm from far in the future, the year 2104.

I came to ask you all a question; Why does my history textbook have a separate chapter for every month of 2020?

Did I just wake up in the future or the past?

Because this feels like twenty twenty too.

Once there was a great battle between a wizard who could control the future and a wizard who could control the past

Once there was a great battle between a wizard who could control the future and a wizard who could control the past.


It was intense.

How does Super Mario see into the future?

He uses a Luigi board

When the Chinese spoke about the future colonisation of the world

they probably meant coronisation.

How will the youth of the future mock the COVID-19 generation?

OK Zoomer!

birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present...

I didn't get you one.

What did the fake psychic say when she got the ability to see the future?

I could prophet off of this.

Man, people with glasses must be able to see into the future.

Why?

Because they have four-sight.

What do you call an Indian robot killer from the future?

Turbanator.

A man travelled into the future.

He didn't know how far he travelled and wondered when he was. He asked a man what year it was but he replied "i'm busy, i'm late for work!"

The time traveller got curious about his occupation and asked him.

The man replied "I'm in the family trade, like my father and grandfather before...

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Insects are apparently the superfood of the future. I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.

Gave me butterflies in my stomach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oedipus travels to the future.

When he arrives, he is amazed by the wonders he sees around him. He finds the nearest person he can. "Where am I, and what age is this?"

"Athens, 2019" the man says sarcastically.

"Athens!? This looks nothing of the city I know, and you tell me I traveled 2500 years into the future!?"<...

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We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

\[EDIT\]: Wow I can't believe the amount of people who would want to make it a reality. *Netflix if your seeing this post you know what to do.*

**If you want, you may follow this post - I may update it in the future if something exciting happens.** <...

What do you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future?

Non-prophet.

Possibly, a joke for the future.

\- All aliens are notoriously bad drivers.

\- Hey, that's space-ist.

The future

Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years.

Come on man, I wear glasses.

I don't have 2020 vision.

The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child

Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog

You won’t believe how easy it is to predict the future!

All you need to do is to look into a crystal ball, purchasable from my website for only $999!

You don’t believe me?

See? Exactly what I predicted!

The future is a little bit frightening

Everybody is kung-flu fighting

What kind of dinosaur is best at seeing the future?

A tarot-dactyl!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

how can the future not be postive?

It's always something to look forward too.

What was the name of the physician who could smell the future?

Nostrildamus

I made it myself and was proud enough to post it! :)

I can travel into the future!

One second at a time.

Crowd: TO STOP PREDICTING THE FUTURE!

Chanter: WHAT DO WE WANT?

Crowd: LAST TUESDAY

Chanter: WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

"Sorry, we don't serve people from the future in here."

A time-traveler walks into a bar.

The power of predicting the future

Interviewer : What would you say are your st--

Guy : strengths? Making inferences from minimal data.

Interviewer : Okay, and your we--

Guy : Wheat Allergies? None whatsoever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychic looked into the future..

She saw a billboard of multiple penises ejaculating.

She left her trance in shock. Her apprentice, worried, asked "What did you see?"

The psychic said somberly "A sign of things to cum..."

>>> joke from the future <<<

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because its teleporter was fowled-up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

The Future went to the hospital...

... with his wife, Past, as she was due to deliver their new baby. As the contractions got closer and more intense, the door bursts and there stood Present- out of breath from having run from the parking garage and soaked with sweat.

“I got here as fast as I could, dear- I wouldn’t miss the ...

— My watch can predict the future!

— That's impossible! Can you prove it?

— Sure! — glances at the watch — Right now it's saying you have no panties.

— You see? That is wrong, I have panties on right now.

— Oh, I'm sorry, its 10 minutes fast...

There's a new Back to the Future sequel coming out

It's about time.

Amish from the future

I met an Amish guy the other day. He looked at me and said " can I confide in you? I'm from 100 years in the future. We built a time machine and I just arrived. You re the first person I've seen since My arival"
Incredibly intrigued, I said to him " wow! 100 years in the future! That's amazing! ...

The future

The world in 10 years...

MTV announcer: a new punk rock band making its way to the top 100...

Band leader: I'm sorry did you just assume our genre?

iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

In the future, TVs will be 15 feet wide, only 2 inches tall,

and movies will still have those damn black bars on the top and bottom.

Sometime in the future, robots are going to cancel Mark Zuckerburg

Because he tried to make fun of humans by wearing white face.

I was going to get a bust of my likeness just in case I become famous in the future and it's worth something.

But I decided I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

What’s the future tense of England?

Brexit.

I finally got around to watching Back To The Future

It's about time.

The future is now

An electrical engineer invented a new kind of transistor that uses tapioca instead of silicon.

He called it the boba FET.

I just heard Back to the Future was getting a re-release at the cinema.

It’s about time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I first saw "Back to the Future" I thought: "shit, this dude is going to bang his mom."

But luckily, they got caught fingering and were thrown out of the cinema.

Why do the Autobots have a positive outlook on the future?

Because their leader is Optimist Prime.

I tried living in the future

But I kept getting ahead of myself

Teachers say that our dreams are the future

But they dont let us sleep in class

If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future

My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.

My dogs can see one year into the future...

Because houndsight is 20/20

One day in the future, Canada will take over the world.

And then we will all be sorry.

A joke from the future (January 2021, to be precise)

One sunny day in January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir...

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