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Peat Jokes

A young witch decided to join some of her peers out in the bogs of Scotland.

Unfortunately, she found difficultly fitting in with the group and ultimately couldn't handle living in that kind of environment. This did not surprise the elders of the group much. Indeed, as they were fond of saying:

If you can't stand the peat, get out of the coven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a person is sexually attracted to acidic bark?

A peat fetish.

Pirate for Halloween

A little boy with a speech impediment dressed as pirate for Halloween. He knocked on the door and when the lady answered he said "pick or peat". The lady asked what? He replied "pick or peat" and shook is bag. The lady said oh trick or treat and the little boy shook his head yes.

The lady th...

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college student does a semester abroad, and lands in the Shetland Islands...[this one benefits from a fine Scots brogue!]

He's doing some research into a certain strain of peat that grows up there in the harsh, cold Shetland climate, and he takes a plane to a boat to a small plane to a ferry, and arrives around midnight.

And nobody is there. Nobody at the ferry pier, nobody in the streets. He finds the address o...

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