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A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.

"So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”

“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”

“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their inte...

A message to any weak/beginning swimmers thinking about swimming in the deep end of the pool today:

I'd advise you not to; you'll be in over your head.

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why are men better swimmers than women?

because men are part semen

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Three disabled swimmers are competing in one tournament

First does not have legs, judges is asking him how he is going to swim he answers "You will see" and he is thrown into the water. He finishes the race using only his arms.
Second one does not have arms, again judge asks him how he is going to do it, he replies "You will see". He is jumps in to t...

I’ve always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday...

But no one ever drowns

What are swimmers afraid of dying from?

A bad stroke.

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Why don’t male swimmers race in the nude

Because some of them would swim in circles

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em fir...

Why are drag queens such good swimmers?

Because they're very flambuoyant.

Why does the Olympics swimming have lifeguards?

In case one of the swimmers has a stroke.

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead were standing on a beach

They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers j...

Why are swimmers good at soccer?

Because they dive a lot.

Why don't the Cubans have Olympic swimmers?

Because they make it here.

Why do the best swimmers come from Flint, Michigan?

Because they're always in the lead.

I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedos was upsetting some of the other swimmers.

I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave.

“Because he hasn’t shat himself,” was the reply.

Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs.

Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.

Why aren't there any Mexican swimmers in the Olympics?

Because they're all in the US

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What do you call it when a bunch of Olympic swimmers have the shits for days?

Dia-Rio.

Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

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My wife got a bit frisky earlier and demanded we have sex in the shower....

At least half of the other swimmers weren’t happy about it.

My wife is like a waterpark

She’s wet some months, dry in others, and inside there are little swimmers

A young man was a lifeguard and a swim instructor

All summer the young man would go to the neighborhood pool. In the mornings he would teach children of all ages pool safety and how to swim. In the afternoons he sat up in the big chair and watched swimmers.

Soon summer led to fall. The pool closed. The young man returned to school in the cit...

What fish makes the best mechanic?

A TunerFish!
My son made that joke. Credit to my fast swimmers.

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

Squirrels infested a small town and each house of worship called a meeting to decide what to do.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrel problem. After much prayer and discussion, they concluded the squirrels infesting the church were predestined to be there and the church elders and congregation shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At t...

Why didn't Mexico win any medals at the Olympics?

Their best runners and swimmers are in America

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A blonde's year in review.

**January**

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

**February**

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

**March**

Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 m...

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics?

Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

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Blonde Race

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all lifeguards. Each thought they were better swimmers than the others. So they decided to have a race down across the town lake. To make the race fair it was decided that everyone was to use the breaststroke.
The lake was huge so it took the redhead, obv...

What's the soft stuff between sharks' teeth?

Slow swimmers

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Donald Trump has scheduled a speech at the same time as the Olympics Marathon swimming...

Its always a sad sight to see so many people exposed to rivers of shit and human waste, that's why I have decided to watch the swimmers instead.

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