What do a Credit Card and a Gymnast have in common?

Outstanding Balance!

A gymnast walks into a bar,

And is immediately deducted 10 points

Did you hear about the gymnast with narcolepsy

He’s slept on

I’m dating a gymnast.

She’s head over heels.

A young woman had a habit of doing naked gymnastics in the living room in the afternoon

One day she decided to try a a split, thereby creating a vacuum which sucked her firmly to the tile floor. In spite of all her attempts, she couldn't free herself and had to wait for her husband to come home.

When he got there, he pulled as hard as he could, too. But she remained completely s...

What do you call a gymnast covered in clay?

An adobe acrobat.

Two gymnasts decided to go into business

together and because one liked liquor and the other beer and wine, they decided they would open two pubs one directly across the street from the other. Unfortunately they had a falling out and went out of business due to poor marketing. They never could agree on a name for the parallel bars.

What does a gymnast put on their popcorn?

Sommer-salt.

Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account?

Her balance was outstanding.

I make it a habit to hang out with groups of gymnasts

Because there’s safety in tumblers.

What do you call a hipster that does gymnastics?

A Tumblr

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

Watching gymnastics

*gymnast does a double-triple-super-ultra-backflip-frontflip but takes a tiny step when she lands*

Me : *mouthful of pringles* what a loser

The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16.

They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

What does a cannibal call a gymnast?

A well balanced breakfast.

I tried to join a gymnastics class, once.

I had to bend over backwards just to get in.

Thank you to the dad I overheard telling his daughter this on public transport... a genuine dad joke.

Did you hear about the Olympic gymnast that was a convicted felon?

He was always known for some assaults

A french gymnast is getting ready to perform...

His coach walks up and says, "Break a leg!"

A contractor, a gymnast, and a machinist walk into a bar.

Ouch.

A gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and ruins his chances of getting a medal.

What is the name of one of the Chinese gymnasts competing at the Rio Olympics?

Wai Tu Yung

I think my bank is trying to get me to become a gymnast.

They keep sending me letters about my outstanding balance.

I used to date a hot 95 pound gymnast with ADD

I just realized she may be the best fidget spinner I'll ever get to play with...

I failed the high jump in gymnastics class today...

Ever since then the bar was lowered

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance

I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

I used to have a fear of vaulting...

But then I got over it.

(Vaulting as in gymnastics)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Take that back Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back....

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is...

God is having a tough day

(Not sure if this is a repost)

It’s particularly busy in heaven, and God decides that he is only going to let the most upsetting and ridiculous deaths into heaven.

The day goes on and around midday three men arrive at St. Peter’s gates, and god stops them, he says...

“Sorry guys...

A North Korean Gymnast walks into a bar

his family is summarily executed.

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A joke to tell your friends in-person

So, like the title says, this joke only works if you're telling it to your friend in real life! Make sure it's someone you're somewhat close with, though.

So a guy walks into a three-story building. That's very important to the story, so you gotta remember it. How many stories does it have?...

A man runs into a bar

He didn't win the gymnastics competition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven was running out of spots for new souls

So St. Peter was instructed by God to only let in people, who, apart from having lived honorable lives, had also suffered a terribly traumatic last moment, and needed consolation for that.

The next day, St. Peter went to his place at the front gates of Heaven, and three men were there, waitin...

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance

I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

Three dead improv actors are told that only those who died a horrible death are allowed to enter Heaven due to overcrowding

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal...

Three doctors are arguing over who is the best doctor.

"I am the best," says the first, "once a guy came into my office holding his right arm in his left hand, I sewed it back on and today he plays piano for the queen of England."



"I am the best," says the second, "a woman came into my office with her legs cut off, I sewed them back on an...

My daughter walked out of her circus class with a unicycle over her shoulder - the instructor wants her to learn it.

I told her that's good because she won't get two tired.

(True story. My daughter does take circus class at the local gymnastics place, and she did walk out with a unicycle given by her instructor. I was obligated to respond with the proper level of dad-jokery.)

Perspectives

A drunk gets into a tram and as he was quite dizzy, has a seat.
At the next stop, a young aspiring girl who is training to become a gymnast gets on. As there were no free seats, she stands right above our drunken fellow, hanging on to the bar for balance.
That day was a summer day, so due to t...

Question: What's AAAA?

Answer: A couple of female gymnasts' bra cup sizes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prayers

A WOMAN'S POEM:


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks..
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when ...

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