What do a Credit Card and a Gymnast have in common?

Outstanding Balance!

I’m dating a gymnast.

She’s head over heels.

A young woman had a habit of doing naked gymnastics in the living room in the afternoon

One day she decided to try a a split, thereby creating a vacuum which sucked her firmly to the tile floor. In spite of all her attempts, she couldn't free herself and had to wait for her husband to come home.

When he got there, he pulled as hard as he could, too. But she remained completely s...

I make it a habit to hang out with groups of gymnasts

Because there’s safety in tumblers.

What do you call a hipster that does gymnastics?

A Tumblr

What's the difference between a gymnastic team and a playboy model?

The gymnasts do a bunch of cunning stunts.

What is the hardest event in women’s gymnastics?

The doctor’s appointments.

Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account?

Her balance was outstanding.

What do you call a gymnast covered in clay?

An adobe acrobat.

The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16.

They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids.

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

A gymnast walks into a bar...

She is then deducted five points.

Watching gymnastics

*gymnast does a double-triple-super-ultra-backflip-frontflip but takes a tiny step when she lands*

Me : *mouthful of pringles* what a loser

What does a cannibal call a gymnast?

A well balanced breakfast.

I tried to join a gymnastics class, once.

I had to bend over backwards just to get in.

Thank you to the dad I overheard telling his daughter this on public transport... a genuine dad joke.

Did you hear about the Olympic gymnast that was a convicted felon?

He was always known for some assaults

A contractor, a gymnast, and a machinist walk into a bar.

Ouch.

A gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and ruins his chances of getting a medal.

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance

I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

What is the name of one of the Chinese gymnasts competing at the Rio Olympics?

Wai Tu Yung

A french gymnast is getting ready to perform...

His coach walks up and says, "Break a leg!"

I think my bank is trying to get me to become a gymnast.

They keep sending me letters about my outstanding balance.

I used to date a hot 95 pound gymnast with ADD

I just realized she may be the best fidget spinner I'll ever get to play with...

I used to have a fear of vaulting...

But then I got over it.

(Vaulting as in gymnastics)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke to tell your friends in-person

So, like the title says, this joke only works if you're telling it to your friend in real life! Make sure it's someone you're somewhat close with, though.

So a guy walks into a three-story building. That's very important to the story, so you gotta remember it. How many stories does it have?...

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Take that back Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back....

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is...

A North Korean Gymnast walks into a bar

his family is summarily executed.

A man runs into a bar

He didn't win the gymnastics competition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven was running out of spots for new souls

So St. Peter was instructed by God to only let in people, who, apart from having lived honorable lives, had also suffered a terribly traumatic last moment, and needed consolation for that.

The next day, St. Peter went to his place at the front gates of Heaven, and three men were there, waitin...

Three doctors are arguing over who is the best doctor.

"I am the best," says the first, "once a guy came into my office holding his right arm in his left hand, I sewed it back on and today he plays piano for the queen of England."



"I am the best," says the second, "a woman came into my office with her legs cut off, I sewed them back on an...

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance

I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

God is having a tough day

(Not sure if this is a repost)

It’s particularly busy in heaven, and God decides that he is only going to let the most upsetting and ridiculous deaths into heaven.

The day goes on and around midday three men arrive at St. Peter’s gates, and god stops them, he says...

“Sorry guys...

Three dead improv actors are told that only those who died a horrible death are allowed to enter Heaven due to overcrowding

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal...

My daughter walked out of her circus class with a unicycle over her shoulder - the instructor wants her to learn it.

I told her that's good because she won't get two tired.

(True story. My daughter does take circus class at the local gymnastics place, and she did walk out with a unicycle given by her instructor. I was obligated to respond with the proper level of dad-jokery.)

Question: What's AAAA?

Answer: A couple of female gymnasts' bra cup sizes.

Perspectives

A drunk gets into a tram and as he was quite dizzy, has a seat.
At the next stop, a young aspiring girl who is training to become a gymnast gets on. As there were no free seats, she stands right above our drunken fellow, hanging on to the bar for balance.
That day was a summer day, so due to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prayers

A WOMAN'S POEM:


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks..
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when ...

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