UPJOKE
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A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete.

Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.

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Pravda, the Soviet state newspaper, was running a feature on former Soviet Olympians.

Their reporter began by interviewing three retired Soviet swimmers.
First, he asks the Russian swimmer "Which was your favorite stroke in the 400m freestyle?"
The Russian replies "The front crawl. Is fast, powerful, and gets me to the finish line."
Next, the reporter turns to the Byel...

Why do Foot fetishists make terrible Olympians?

They love the taste of defeet.

I once met an Olympian athlete.

I asked him - Are you a pole vaulter? He replied - No, I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter?

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Olympian

An old man goes up to a prostitute. He says “how much do you charge?”. She says “€150”. He replies “I’ve got no money, all I have is these two Olympic gold medals I won in the 60’s”. She says “that’ll do”, takes the medals and off they go to take care of business. Next evening another old man approa...

A lot of these Olympians must be pretty untrustworthy...

because all the TV pundits keep banging on about how unbelievable they are

Why Don't the Other Olympians Hang Out With Dionysus?

All he does is wine.

I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.

They told him, "No whey, José."

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What nickname did the Olympians give to the newly ascended god of masturbation

Jerkules

Why could the nordic olympian not finish the race?

He didn't have permission to cross the Finnish line.

I thought I'd make a original joke about an Olympian fencer.

Turns out it was just a riposte.

Did you hear about the Olympian that got shot with a starting pistol?

Police think it was Race related.

My girlfriend is like an Australian Olympian

She always comes second.

What do you call a North Korean Olympian?

A Seoul Searcher

So an Olympian walks into a bar...

and is promptly disqualified from her final attempt at the high jump and has all her hopes and dreams of winning gold for her country destroyed.

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I never understood when my wife said I'm like an Olympian in bed.

How the fuck do I come third?

My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"

A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.

The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.

The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.

Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks “Why did you choo...

Latvian Jokes

Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.

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