UPJOKE
swimplungenosedivejackknifesnorkeljumpscubaswan divedescentunderwaterplunkdivingnose divediverfall

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

Why do scuba divers always fall out of the boat backwards?

Cause if they went forwards they'd just fall in the boat.

scarlet johansson

There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.

Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.

The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the me...

Why don't Scuba Divers make good grades?

They are always below C level.

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

How do you circumcise a whale?

You use four skin divers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Deep-Sea Diver

deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the ...

Divers

How do divers communicate? They use speech bubbles

Diving trip goes bad...

A husband and wife are out diving one day in deep open waters when they became separated.
The husband in panic swam and dove as long as he could in an attempt to find his wife,before he eventually ran out of air. He made it back home and alerted the authorities.
A rescue party was sent out, wi...

A diver is applying a job

Hiring manager: what is your ability?

Diver: i can work under pressure

What is a diver's pet peeve?

The bends.

It really makes his blood boil

Diving

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.

The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.

The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the sam...

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

What's the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver?





Golfer goes: \*Whack!\* "Dammit!"
Sky-diver goes: "Dammit!" \*Whack!\*

A diver is walking in full gear in the middle of the desert

Suddenly he stumbles upon a man driving a jeep and asks "How long until I reach the sea?" The driver looks at him in disbelief and says "It's miles away!" The diver then throws his goggles in the sand and says "Well f\*ck you and your beach!".

What was the last thing that went through the sky diver's mind when his parachute failed?

His feet.

A scuba diver bends into a bar

Sadly, he died.

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with an irresponsible scuba diver.

I was in too deep.

The one about the quickly wed couple

So a man, lets call him Dan, meets this girl, we'll call her Stacy, on a blind date. They hit it off right away and chat the night away. Well they go on another date, this one went even better than the last, Dan's heart flutters every time he thinks of her. So then Dan asks her on a third date and t...

What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position?

Ability to work under pressure.

Why did a diver that took a picture of fishes got arrested?

He shot a school of fish.

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

It would be hard work being a deep-sea diver

they're under a lot of pressure.

Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition?

He couldn't handle the pressure.

What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows


Yeah, I know it's old....

What happened to the divers journal?

It got waterlogged.

What's the name of the scared sky diver?

Hugo First

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

Why did a Chinese olympic diver receive a standing ovation?

Yellow and Green are Brazil's national colors.

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

A scuba diver is bobbing around on the surface,

waiting to be picked up by the support boat. The boat approaches and the diver swims towards the ladder. Suddenly, there's a huge commotion, the diver is thrashed back and forth like a rag doll, the water looks like it's boiling and then starts turning red as the rest of the diver group and crew on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cletus gets his first job at a small town gas station.

One day, a big old station wagon with Texas plates shows up. He had never seen a car from Texas come in before, so he was impressed. He walks up to the driver’s side. In the front seat we’re two big cowboy looking dudes. The diver says “Fill er er up, son”. Cletus nods and heads towards the rear of...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.