UPJOKE
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Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

Why don't Scuba Divers make good grades?

They are always below C level.

Divers

How do divers communicate? They use speech bubbles

Diving

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.

The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.

The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the sam...

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

A diver is applying a job

Hiring manager: what is your ability?

Diver: i can work under pressure

How do you get a sperm sample from a whale?

Four skin divers.

How does a blind sky diver know when they're about to land?

The leash goes slack.

What's the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver?





Golfer goes: \*Whack!\* "Dammit!"
Sky-diver goes: "Dammit!" \*Whack!\*

What is one phrase you can’t tell a sky diver?

If at first you don’t succeed, try again.....

A diver is walking in full gear in the middle of the desert

Suddenly he stumbles upon a man driving a jeep and asks "How long until I reach the sea?" The driver looks at him in disbelief and says "It's miles away!" The diver then throws his goggles in the sand and says "Well f\*ck you and your beach!".

What is a diver's pet peeve?

The bends.

It really makes his blood boil

The one about the quickly wed couple

So a man, lets call him Dan, meets this girl, we'll call her Stacy, on a blind date. They hit it off right away and chat the night away. Well they go on another date, this one went even better than the last, Dan's heart flutters every time he thinks of her. So then Dan asks her on a third date and t...

Why'd the diver suddenly grab and ride the small whale?

I dunno, but he certainly did it on porpoise

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn’t Bangkok.

A scuba diver bends into a bar

Sadly, he died.

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

What was the last thing that went through the sky diver's mind when his parachute failed?

His feet.

Why did a diver that took a picture of fishes got arrested?

He shot a school of fish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with an irresponsible scuba diver.

I was in too deep.

What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position?

Ability to work under pressure.

What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

It would be hard work being a deep-sea diver

they're under a lot of pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cletus gets his first job at a small town gas station.

One day, a big old station wagon with Texas plates shows up. He had never seen a car from Texas come in before, so he was impressed. He walks up to the driver’s side. In the front seat we’re two big cowboy looking dudes. The diver says “Fill er er up, son”. Cletus nods and heads towards the rear of...

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows


Yeah, I know it's old....

Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition?

He couldn't handle the pressure.

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

What's the name of the scared sky diver?

Hugo First

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

A scuba diver is bobbing around on the surface,

waiting to be picked up by the support boat. The boat approaches and the diver swims towards the ladder. Suddenly, there's a huge commotion, the diver is thrashed back and forth like a rag doll, the water looks like it's boiling and then starts turning red as the rest of the diver group and crew on ...

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