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Wrestler Jokes

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A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

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Theres a wrestler training for the Olympic games.

Trainer trained him hard. Ran 10 miles a day. The day of the Olympics came and he was in amazing physical condition. First guy he had to fight was a German. He beat him. Next was an Australian beat him, the French beat them.

Last guy he had to fight was a great big hairy Russian. The co...

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A redneck wrestler

has beaten every opponent he's been up against and is now going international. Before the match against the Russian champion, his coach sits him down.

"Now, look, you're faster and more agile than this guy. He's big and strong, but just keep moving and let him tire himself out and you can b...

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

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A pro wrestler is down to fight The Mad Monk, and his manager says to him:

"Whatever you do, don't let him put you in the Mad Monk Hold. That's his signature move and no-one's ever gotten out of it."

But about five minutes into the fight, sure enough, our boy's all wrapped up like a human pretzel, with one arm going one way, one leg going another way, his spine all ...

What is it called when a wrestler’s wife lets him screw anything his heart desires?

No holes barred

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player, the fella on your right is 6’5” pushing 300 and...

What do you get when you cross an 80’s wrestler with a Dry Cleaners?

Laundre the Giant.

What do you call a stoned wrestler?

A high Heel.

What do you call an elderly wrestler?

John Cenile

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My dick is a pro wrestler

you can't see me
it came outta nowhere

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that ...

Wrestlers are stupid.

They compete for a belt and none of them wear pants.

A wrestler, the pope, and a horse walk into a bar

The wrestler walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like 3 drinks for myself and my friends here!"

The pope suddenly says, "I'm sorry, but I can't indulge in alcohol since I'm the pope."

The horse says, "Well, you took me here, but you're not making me drink."

The wrestler s...

The Wrestler.

There's an up-and-coming wrestler, and I mean a real wrestler not that glitzy camp showman stuff. Sweat and muscle. And he's good; with the able assistance of his manager, he's rising steadily in the ranks.

In fact he's so good, that he decides he can do it - he asks his manager to set up a t...

I named my pet rock after a wrestler

Stone Called Steve Austin

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Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving?

Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea

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A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match...

The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.

It's because the cons outweigh the pros.

Imagine: A wrestler named Versailles...

His finisher will be the Treaty Twister.

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A wrestler meets with his coach

A wrestler meets with his coach about his next match. His coach tells him he will be facing the greatest Russian wrestler and he's known for his move called "the pretzel" no one had ever escaped the pretzel before, once you we in it, there was no way out.
The next day it was time for the match, ...

I like my bra sizes like I like my wrestlers

Triple H

How do wrestlers enter the arena?

Through the Luchadoor.

If Gordon Ramsay was a WWE wrestler, he'd go to Smackdown.

He hates RAW.

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Bob, an Olympic class wrestler - has a match with Bjorn, a Lapland wrestling grandmaster

Before the meet, Bob's coaches warned him that Bjorn has a deadly stranglehold move called "the pretzel". They warned him not to dip his right shoulder while standing face to face, or he will certainly lose.

Bob keeps this advice in mind as he wrestles Bjorn - but he loses concentration for ...

Drunk Wrestler

A professional wrestler was visiting his friend in a small town,and one night they stayed little too long at the pub.Not wanting to drive,they decided t walk home.As they were crossing a farmer's field,a bull charged them.The wrestler grabbed the bull by the horns,and they went down in a snarling he...

My wife isn't much of a wrestler

But man you should see her box.

Why did the Romans hate wrestlers...

Because Rock beats Caesars.

A sumo wrestler once came to visit, and ended up sleeping on my couch for a month!

It left a negative impression.

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World Wrestling Championship. At the final are American and Japanese wrestlers.

Before the game, the American coach said:

- See John. I have not told you yet, but this Japanese is very strong and very corrupt. He has a favorite grip. If he applies it, everything is lost.

- No problem, trainer. I'll handle him somehow.

The fight begins. The wrestlers go out ...

The WWE wrestlers Edge & Test were big back in their day, even had separate fanbases believe it or not,

Edges fans were called "Th Edge-ed Edgies"

and Test fans were just a bunch of quality balls.

What do you call a WWE wrestler who works at an ice cream shop?

Cold Stone Steve Austin

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If a wrestler pins you while having sex with your wife...

Is that a cuckhold?

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Why are there so many Sumo wrestlers in Japan?

Because the last time there was a little boy in Japan, half the population was wiped out.

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An American wrestler prepares to face the Russian in the Olympics....

..... the americans coach is explaining to him to win the gold medal he must defeat the Russian. The Russia has never lost a match because he has a move called " The pretzel " every opponent trapped in the pretzel loses the match. So the wrestler and his coach devise an entire strategy devoted to av...

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The Pretzel Hold

An American wrestler is competing in the Olympics and is slated to go up against Ivan Bortski, the Russian champ. Coach pulls him aside and says, "Listen this is Bortski the champion. Whatever you do, don't let him get you into the Pretzel Hold, his most famous move. You won't win if he gets you int...

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If wrestlers have biceps, and bodybuilders have triceps, what do surgeons have?

Forceps
(I hate my shit life)

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Australia should hire WWE wrestlers to enforce sentencing on convicted sex offenders.

That way we can have Undertaker and Mankind throw Pell in a cell.

What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?

You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.

What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

A lunchador.

A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital

She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried....

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The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. ...

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Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.

They are. It's called wrestling.

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The Pretzel hold

For years, there has been the champ, and nobody has been able to beat him because of his "pretzel hold". Eventually, this wrestler was good enough to beat the champ, except for the pretzel hold. He got his chance, and took to the ring. Within Minutes, he was slammed into the Pretzel hold, and the cr...

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Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

The story of Arthur Nelson

Arthur Nelson is one of the least known pioneers of professional wrestling. He invented many of the submission holds that we still see today, and two of them bear his name: the half Nelson and the full Nelson. According to numerous sources, he also created many of the variations of the chokehold....

I’ll have you know that I have the body of an athlete!

And by athlete, I mean a sumo wrestler...

Wrestling

Coach says can you describe a half Nelson ? Wrestler says a half nelson is when one arm is passed under the opponent's arm from behind and the hand is applied to the neck . Very good how about a full Nelson? When both arms are passed under opponents arms from behind and the hands are clasp behind th...

A blind blond guy walks into a bar and yells out, "Hey! Do you all want to hear a dumb blonde joke?"

One of the patrons takes the guy aside and says, "Look, buddy. The bartender is blond. The 400-pound wrestler sitting near the window is blond. The armed police officer sitting at the bar is blond. The lawyer sitting at the back of the bar close to the washrooms is blond. The martial arts guy sittin...

Blonde joke walks into a bar.

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says; “Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?” The big woman replies; “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional triathlete and...

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job

Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?

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The bus driver

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six foot eight, built like ...

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Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.

"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."

"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."

"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be w...

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Balls of Steel

Two wrestlers an American and a Russian were the finialists in the World Championship event.

They were preparing to meet each other in the final round and the American coach was giving instructions to his star wrestler.
The coach was saying, "Beware of the Russian and his famous hold - the...

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Wrestling

The World Wrestling Championship was being held in the UP of Michigan, at the "Paper Clip Center' just outside UMPsville, between the 2 finalists, a American and a Russian. The Russian was known for his "Pretzel Hold". No man in history had got out of the Pretzel Hold. The Russian had won 1 bout and...

A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present

so santa send him a sumo wrestler

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