A chemist, a biologist and a quantum physicist go surfing.

Having developed a paranoid sense for lab safety precautions, the chemist is worried about jumping into water with unknown impurities.

The biologist knows the local marine wildlife and assures him that the water is perfectly safe for living beings, with plenty of fishes and squids present. <...

Instead of watching the news, my friend goes body surfing at the beach every morning.

She says it keeps her abreast of current events.

Where do pigs surf in Hawaii?

Bay-kona

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

What did Charmander say to Pikachu after seeing him surf?

Charmander

Why does Ganondorf hate surfing the web

There are too many Links

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

Stranded on Deserted Island for 10 years

One day a man who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there e...

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I was just lying down on my bed surfing reddit when my mom came into my room and scolded me for being a useless lazy bum

I am not going to take that lying down, so i stood up

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A peanut surfed for internet porn

His heart was all a flutter.
He dropped his pants
And took a stance
HNNNNGH - peanut butter!

Why do dwarfs surf in the kitchen

Because there are microwaves

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

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A Wendy's manager named Kenney was sitting on his ass in the office during a shorthanded lunch rush, surfing Reddit.

[censored]

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My mate injured his penis in a surfing incident.

He had to shut his laptop quickly when his wife came home unexpectedly

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Me to Doctor: I've hurt my penis in a surfing accident. Doctor: Did you fall off your board?

Me:

No I slammed my laptop shut when the Wife walked in.

Surfing is a form of torture

Because technically it's water boarding.

A joke for people with grandmothers

A grandmother is at the beach, watching her young grandson playing in the surf. Suddenly a huge wave comes in, picks him up, and carries him far out from shore, where he quickly goes under.

The woman is frantic. She drops to her knees and says, "Dear God, if you save my grandson, I swear I'...

A girl goes out surfing but does not return home...

...sick with worry, her parents ask for help and the lifeguard service heads out to find her. Soon, the parents are informed over the phone by an excited lifeguard. "We have bad news, good news, and really good news!" The parent's tears are instantly dried and smiles spread across their faces but al...

What do you call surf & turf without the turf?

A missed-steak.

Why does a surfing tree not drown?

Because it wears Wooden Trunks!

What did the German animal doctor wear when he went surfing?

A Vetsuit

Why couldn't the surf shop afford to stay open?

It was double overhead!

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

What do you call a turtle that surfs the dark web?

A TORtoise

A man surfs the Internet [NSFW]

And watches some horns.

Where do musical notes go surfing?

On sound waves.

What’s a spiders favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

They like to surf the web!

I was trying to surf yesterday

The crowd wasn't too pleased. No one even waved.

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

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Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

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I was surfing for porn and came across this wierd film with a guy sitting in his couch crying while masturbating

Then I noticed my computer wasn't turned on

My girlfriend won't share her surf and turf with me...

Shellfish cow

What's one of the worst things you can come across when surfing the web?

Your keyboard

What is an ironing board?

A surf board which gave up on its dreams and went to work.

What do frogs say that surf the internet?

Reddit reddit..


First joke i thought of. :)

Why can't you surf on microwaves?

Because they're too small.

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I always like to have snacks while I surf porn.

That way, I'm packing on the poundage while I'm pounding on the package.

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

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The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

A California guy buys some used SCUBA gear...

Eager to try it out, he drives down to the beach, throws on some sunscreen, pulls on his wetsuit and heads out into the surf.

He’s only under water for a minute when he suddenly can’t get any air! Coughing and choking he barely makes it back to the beach. A surfer sees him and says, “Someth...

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A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

We've got the meats

If meat and seafood is surf and turf, does that make meat seafood and poultry surf turf and away?

A tourist in Hawaii is amazed at how healthy and invigorated he feels after just a few days into visiting the islands...

He strikes up a conversation with one of the locals while they are wading out into the crystal clear, warm surf on yet another perfect island day. "I just cant get over how beautiful this place is," the tourist says excitedly, "I feel great! I haven't felt this young and healthy in years! Island lif...

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Orange Dick

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man's penis is bright orange.
The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says "My day is pretty no...

Why do you want divorce?

Judge: Why do you want divorce?

Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.

Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the ...

An amputee woman was having a drink in a bar...

...when a man comes up and asks about her missing leg.

"Oh, it's really quite an amazing story," she said. "I used to love surfing! I rode waves all day and all night, rain or shine. One morning, after just an hour or so of surfing, a great white shark came and knocked me right off the bo...

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Old joke about the internet still relevant

And so what have we learned through this ordeal? The Internet went away. It came back. But for how long we do not know. We cannot take the Internet for granted any longer. We as a country must stop over-logging -on. We must use the Internet only when we need it. It's easy for us to think we can just...

Yo momma so dumb

she tried to surf the microwave

Genie in a bottle...

A young man was walking along one of Southern California's sandy beaches with his surf board. He suddenly spots this bottle which has recently washed up on the beach. It's obvious it's been tossed around for a long time. He picks up the bottle and notices that it still has the cork intact. So, being...

Bill Gates dies and meets God at the Gates of Heaven (pun intended)

God says: “Hi Bill, now in your life, you’ve had an equal amount of good and bad things in your life, so I’m going to show you around Heaven and Hell and let you choose where you go.”
Bill says: “Ok” and follows God into Heaven.
Now Heaven is the stuff you’ve heard of, clouds, angels, animals ...

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the ...

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A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...and spends many months alone. Just as he's reaching the point that he's starting to go crazy, he spots a ship in the distance and, all excited, lights a fire on the beach that he'd prepared for just such an eventuality.

He's overjoyed when he sees the ship change course and start heading f...

My psychologist just reddit-punned me

We were talking about school, and I mentioned the fact that I rarely pay attention in class and that I instead just surf the web or watch Netflix.

Him: "So, what sites do you surf the most?" ...

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This guy is stuck on a desert island

After being there for a while, he begins to get lonely and starts to think about his girlfriend back home. The only other animal on this island is a goat. A very sexy goat, mind you. Anyway, as time passes he begins to think more and more about fucking this goat. Eventually, one day he decides, ...

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God gave Adam and Eve 2 rules...

First was to never eat the forbidden fruit. Second, Eve can never, under any circumstances, learn how to swim.

After a few weeks in paradise, watching Adam swim in the pristine ocean, Eve decides she'd had enough. She follows Adam into the surf, and as she reaches waste-deep water the sky da...

Man wishes to understand women.

A man is surfing along the beaches of Southern California when he spots a strange looking bottle washed ashore nearby. He makes his way over to the bottle and tries to rub off the sand caked on the front of it so he can read it. However, this causes the bottle to start shaking violently in his hands...

What did the TV do at the beach?

Channel surf

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Girl on the beach

A muscular young man was walking along the beach at sunset. The beach was empty save one lovely young woman sitting in a wheelchair.

As the young man drew near, he perceived that the girl was crying.

"Fair lady", he said "why do you sit here on the beach watching this lovely sunset and...

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Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes...

Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes and after mourning for some time, they begin to talk about what they plan to do with their lover's ashes.

The first widow says, "John was very outdoorsman, enjoyed hiking, rock climbing and nature, so I'm going to sprea...

What did the spider do during its free time?

It surfed the web

What's the most popular search engine in Israel?

They surf the Net On Yahoo.

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The Orange Penis

A man is at the doctor's office. He says, “Doc, you gotta help me, my penis is bright orange and I’m afraid of the worst.”

The doctor examines the penis and it is, indeed, bright orange but the doctor can’t make a diagnosis. He spends the next several hours running every relevant test that he...

Two guys are talking at a fancy rooftop bar.

Clearly drunk out his mind, one guy says to the other, "Ya know...the air currents are sho shtrong up here...hic...you can float on 'em like water."

Also wasted, the other guy says, "Ah, you're crazy. You can't do that! (Burp)"

The first guy says "S'true! Juss watch!"

So he stum...

Gandalf is Attending a Rock Concert...

Gandalf gets up on stage before the main act of a rock concert. He stares at the crowd, who cheer for the headlining band. "I am a conjurer of Cheap Trick!" He yells, and crowd surfs off to Valinor.

A man is trapped on a desert island...

.... with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs ba...

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Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinn...

A lady is bargaining for a honeymoon package abroad..

Says the agent: "Check it out maam. 3 nights and 4 days in a cruise to Bahamas, all night party and casino environment with free booze. Just $2000 per couple. Hell of a deal."

The lady: "Umm. Nice one. But do you have anything cheaper?"

The agent: "Sure maam. 4 nights and 5 days in Aus...

The Potato

A muscular man was walking on the beach one day looking for girls and no one would give him the time of day. He was about to give up when he saw a pale, skinny ginger in a speedo surrounded by beautiful women, laughing, hanging on his every word. When they left, the frustrated body builder walked ov...

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

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A guy is walking down the beach and finds a woman with no arms and no legs...

A guy is walking down the beach and finds a woman with no arms and no legs laying in the sand...and she is in tears. "What's wrong?" the man asked. "I was born this way and I never really had any family to speak of. I've never been hugged by anyone my whole life." she replied. The man gracefully pic...

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A ship went down on a reef...

There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.

They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have sex. As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and...

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