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Scuba Jokes

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym.

It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"

What did Dean Martin scream when he bumped an eel while scuba diving?

That’s Amorè!

I quit my position as a scuba diving instructor the first day at my job.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

So, why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon."It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long...

To be sung: When you scuba dive, and an eel grabs your thigh,

that's a moray.

A man decided that he wanted to learn how to scuba dive.

He spent weeks getting certified, and hundreds of dollars on all of the top of the line equipment he could get - fins, a wetsuit, a mask, and even a waterproof notebook with a pen that could write underwater.

When he finally got down underwater for the first time, he was surprised to see a m...

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shai is excited for his trip to Mexico because he is an avid SCUBA diver.

When he goes, he finds a company that can take him to the reefs and links up with a dive leader. While on the boat preparing their tanks, the leader begins talking him about the different types of animals that they will see. Since the both of them will not be able to communicate verbally, the dive l...

I hate scuba diving

It was the lowest moment of my life.

A California guy buys some used SCUBA gear...

Eager to try it out, he drives down to the beach, throws on some sunscreen, pulls on his wetsuit and heads out into the surf.

He’s only under water for a minute when he suddenly can’t get any air! Coughing and choking he barely makes it back to the beach. A surfer sees him and says, “Someth...

Why don't Scuba Divers make good grades?

They are always below C level.

A scuba diver bends into a bar

Sadly, he died.

Scuba divings a good hobby

If you wanna hit rock bottom.

I own a struggling scuba shop

...my business is going under.

Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?

Because all his grades are below C-level

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...

One day I lobster and never flounder again.

Why are scuba enthusiasts so fond of chocolate?

Because they're Godivas

BMW and Mercedes used to make scuba gear...

...but eventually BMW was forced to shut down. People kept getting the Benz.

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

Did you hear about the anti masker who died?

They went scuba diving

What do you call an underwater town made up of multi-ethnic scuba instructors?

diversity

A man's wife goes scuba diving and doesn't return...

The police show up the next day and inform the man, "Sir, we have bad news, good news, and even better news."

The husband says "Okay, well give me the bad news first."

"Well sir, we are sorry to say that your wife has drowned. She is dead, I'm terribly sorry."

"Oh no... wait, w...

What do you call a snorkel that thinks it is a scuba suit?

Self
Proclaimed
Underwater
Breathing
Aparatus

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?

He won't inhale.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with an irresponsible scuba diver.

I was in too deep.

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

An Expensive Scuba Diving Store in My Town Just Opened

It went under

Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear.

It's a tankless job.

One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison.

I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

What do you call a great dane who hunts ghosts underwater?

Scuba Doo

A scuba diver is bobbing around on the surface,

waiting to be picked up by the support boat. The boat approaches and the diver swims towards the ladder. Suddenly, there's a huge commotion, the diver is thrashed back and forth like a rag doll, the water looks like it's boiling and then starts turning red as the rest of the diver group and crew on ...

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

A man and a woman go scuba diving for their honeymoon.....

... and they are having the absolute time of their life. The fish, the coral- it's all just wonderful. But then, out of nowhere, they hear a great rumbling, look behind them, and see a cruise ship headed straight for them!

They separate, one to each side of the massive ship. When the ship pas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Shark and his Son

A shark and his son are swimming around in the water when they see some scuba divers.
The young shark says to his father, " let's go eat them".

The father tells his son, " this is not the way of sharks. First we swim around them three times, then we eat them"

The son asks, " why ...

A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level when he noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep with...

What kind of dog likes to swim?

Scuba Dooby doo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

Today my dad died in a scuba accident

It was a very depressing situation

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