Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fall forward they fall into the boat.

SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know TUBA is also an acronym? Yeah really. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

Compliments of Hank Green

To be sung: When you scuba dive, and an eel grabs your thigh,

that's a moray.

Stranded on Deserted Island for 10 years

One day a man who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there e...

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

(I'm so sorry)

Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear.

It's a tankless job.

I just took my last dive as a scuba diving instructor.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...

What do you call an overweight monk going scuba diving?

A deep fat friar.

A California guy buys some used SCUBA gear...

Eager to try it out, he drives down to the beach, throws on some sunscreen, pulls on his wetsuit and heads out into the surf.

He’s only under water for a minute when he suddenly can’t get any air! Coughing and choking he barely makes it back to the beach. A surfer sees him and says, “Someth...

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The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

A man decided that he wanted to learn how to scuba dive.

He spent weeks getting certified, and hundreds of dollars on all of the top of the line equipment he could get - fins, a wetsuit, a mask, and even a waterproof notebook with a pen that could write underwater.

When he finally got down underwater for the first time, he was surprised to see a m...

Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?

Because all his grades are below C-level

Did you hear about the anti masker who died?

They went scuba diving

What do you call a snorkel that thinks it is a scuba suit?

Self
Proclaimed
Underwater
Breathing
Aparatus

A scuba diver bends into a bar

Sadly, he died.

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

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Deep-Sea Diver

deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the ...

Why are scuba enthusiasts so fond of chocolate?

Because they're Godivas

I hate scuba diving

It was the lowest moment of my life.

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison.

I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...

One day I lobster and never flounder again.

BMW and Mercedes used to make scuba gear...

...but eventually BMW was forced to shut down. People kept getting the Benz.

Scuba divings a good hobby

If you wanna hit rock bottom.

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?

He won't inhale.

A man's wife goes scuba diving and doesn't return...

The police show up the next day and inform the man, "Sir, we have bad news, good news, and even better news."

The husband says "Okay, well give me the bad news first."

"Well sir, we are sorry to say that your wife has drowned. She is dead, I'm terribly sorry."

"Oh no... wait, w...

An Expensive Scuba Diving Store in My Town Just Opened

It went under

I own a struggling scuba shop

...my business is going under.

I often have wet dreams...

of becoming a scuba diver.

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I had sex with an irresponsible scuba diver.

I was in too deep.

Why did the scuba diver drop out of graduate school?

Because he was always below a C

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During a vicious storm a bride is blown overboard off the top deck of a cruise ship

The heartbroken groom has 3 search parties sent out to look and unfortunately find no trace of her.

He gets back to life, and 8 years later gets a call from the police.

They say we have some bad news, and some very good news.

We have located your wife’s body during a scuba divin...

A scuba diver is bobbing around on the surface,

waiting to be picked up by the support boat. The boat approaches and the diver swims towards the ladder. Suddenly, there's a huge commotion, the diver is thrashed back and forth like a rag doll, the water looks like it's boiling and then starts turning red as the rest of the diver group and crew on ...

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

What do you call a restaurant at the bottom of the sea?

A Scuba Diner

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were out fishing one day when Thibodeaux started thinkin.

“Ay, Boudreaux, why come dem scuba divaahs alway fallin backwahds into da watah?” Boudreaux squinted at Thibodeaux and shook his head. “Cauz if dey fell fo-wad, Thibodeaux, dey’d still be in da boat.”

A man and a woman go scuba diving for their honeymoon.....

... and they are having the absolute time of their life. The fish, the coral- it's all just wonderful. But then, out of nowhere, they hear a great rumbling, look behind them, and see a cruise ship headed straight for them!

They separate, one to each side of the massive ship. When the ship pas...

Today my dad died in a scuba accident

It was a very depressing situation

A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level when he noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep with...

When James Earl Jones auditioned for Darth Vader, George Lucas told him he had to have a Mid-Atlantic accent.

So, he went and bought a scuba air tank, and the rest is history.

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A Shark and his Son

A shark and his son are swimming around in the water when they see some scuba divers.
The young shark says to his father, " let's go eat them".

The father tells his son, " this is not the way of sharks. First we swim around them three times, then we eat them"

The son asks, " why ...

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A Man, A Woman, A Hobby!

A man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years. One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore.

"Oh, thank God! I've been alone here for so long!"

She unzips the side of her wet suit, revealing a shapely arm, and says, "Then, you've probably not had one of these ....

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The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

Who eats at underwater restaurants?

Scuba diners.

An old man puts on a wetsuit...

He puts on a scuba suit. Once, when he was a boy, his grandfather told him about strawberries; the man himself has never tasted them. In time, the man will tell his own grandson what he has known.

He dives deep into an Olympic sized swimming pool. He sits on the bottom, closes his eyes.
...

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Three men argue, who has the most stupid wife.

First one says: "My wife can't swim, yet she bought herself a complete scuba diving equipment."
Second one says: "That's nothing: my wife has vertigo even when she looks down a window on the first floor, yet she bought herself a hang-glider."
Third one says: "That's nothing, gentlemen: my ...

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Bruce and a Rich Man

A rather stupid, but rich man was on a luxury cruise when he met a French man named Bruce.
Bruce seemed to be quite popular on the cruise ship, as he had made a name for himself as a diver. It got to the point where he was just referred to as Bruce Diver. He would often tell people about wh...

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