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Paddling Jokes

Paddling joke.

I don’t like to brag but I can control a kayak brilliantly.

Canoe?

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Paddling down the river...

A Marine was lost in the Amazon. He managed to find a river with a canoe on the banks. He jumped in and started paddling down the river to find a settlement and a way home. As he was paddling, God was in Heaven watching him. God said to an Angel "Watch that Marine row. He has been going for 3 d...

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A Blond Biking sees another Blond Paddling her canoe

They stop abruptly in confusion, watching this Blond paddling a canoe in the middle of a field of grass.

Quickly the confusion turns to anger as they continue to watch this Blond getting nowhere but continuing to paddle

They shout out loud to the other Blond "Hey! You know it's blonds...

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An american dude, A French dude, and a Japanese dude barely survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive.
The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter.
The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us...

[paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak]

wife: "it's so beautiful"
me: "can you believe they named this after a website?"

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

A guy was paddling a small boat on a lake when it got very cold so he started a fire. He should have known better because ...

You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two Eskimos sitting, paddling along in a kayak, when one felt a little chilly so he made a little pile of sticks and lit a fire in the craft.

His friend shouted at him to put it out, but the warning was ignored.
Unsurprisingly, the kayak sank quite quickly and finding themselves in the (cold) water, the second Eskimo whacked his idiot mate over the head with a now redundant paddle.
"Ouch!!" said the previously warm Eskimo, "what di...

Three men are walking in the desert.

Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.

They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.

Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drin...

While watching Olympic kayaking, I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling. Then I realized,

That's probably why they're still in Cuba.

So two penguins are in the middle of a desert

and they're sitting in a canoe just paddling away, as hard as they can, not going anywhere, sand is flying everywhere, and they just keep paddling. eventually one penguin looks to the other and says "Where's your paddle" the other replies "Sure does."

Its usually a thinker for most, but i lov...

Swimming contest

Joe and Jim were at the lake. Joe said, “Let’s have a swimming contest.” Jim said, “No way, you know you’ll win. You’re twice as fast as me.”


Joe said, “Well, how about if you take the canoe across while I swim? Will you race then?”


“Okay, we can do that,” Jim said, and across ...

A retired marine wanted to die in a cool way...

So he decided: "I'm going to canoe across the Atlantic Ocean, a wave ought kill me!"

And so he went, with his little canoe paddling across the Atlantic Ocean, always screaming:

"One, Two, Three, Four, Marine Corps, Oh Rah Oh Rah, Marine Corps!"

God looks upon him and says: "He s...

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[Long] Not my joke, heard it at work today.

A hunter was hunting ducks up in Maine. He had successfully bagged 3 beautiful ducks, threw them in his canoe, and started paddling down the river. When he got back to his campsite, a game warden was there waiting for him.

Warden: "Well it seems like you got lucky today. Why don't you hand o...

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are on a desert island.

The blonde, starts swimming home and drowns.
The redhead builds a raft, starts paddling then it sinks and she drowns.
The brunette uses the bridge.

God does an experiment with US Marines...

One lofty Sunday God looks down and sees a boat of six Marines paddling in the ocean, chanting; ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps.

Impressed by their focus and intensity he ponders; "What would happen if I removed half their brain powers" and does so. "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...Unit...

A man and his wife were debating

A man and his wife were debating whether it was time to start a family when they saw a couple with cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
The husband looks at the wife and said: " Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The wife smiled and said: "Yes, G...

A Missionary in South America

A Missionary in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the Missionary teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "

Down by the river they saw a couple making l...

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman find a magic slide.

They read the sign; “Go down the slide, shout out your dreams, and whatever you desire will be waiting for you at the bottom.” Sure enough, there is an inflatable paddling pool at the bottom of the slide.

The Irishman goes first, throws himself down the slide and shouts “Drink!” He lands in a...

A man is canoeing in the everglades

After spending the day exploring, things look differently then he remembers finding his way back, and realizes he’s lost.

To make matters worse, a large reptilian appears to be swimming under and around his boat as the sun is starting to drop.

At his wits end, he yells “goddammit im l...

A blonde was walking by a field...

And saw another blonde in a rowboat paddling away at the dirt and stirring up a ton of dust.
The blonde walking called out, "Hey! What are you doing?!"
The other blonde replied, "I'm trying to get over to the barn! Could you help me?"
The blonde walking retorted, "Well, I would but I can't...

Three Scotsmen are relaxing in a motorboat out on Loch Ness.

Suddenly, they hear a strange rumbling. They look into the water and see a shadowy object moving quickly below them. Just as one of the men begins to speak, the boat is thrown twenty feet above the waterline and capsizes.

"It's the Loch Ness Monster!" they scream. Panicking, the men frantical...

A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation

Though Transylvania is mostly rivers and mountains, a new outdoor sport is achieving newfound popularity. Folks have been flocking to the calmer parts of the Olt and Danube to try out for a crew, the competitive paddling fad usually found in lakes. In fact, the sport has spread from the region to th...

The story of the freezing kayaker

Once there was a man who liked to kayak during the winter, paddling along looking at the beautiful snow-covered scenery. Of course, it would get very cold out, so he would get very cold too.

One day he had an idea about how to keep warm. He sawed his kayak down the middle lengthwise and str...

A penguin is driving down the road

A penguin is driving through the desert and his car starts to sputter and loose power. He just barely makes it to a mechanic, the car stalling out as he coasted into the parking lot.

He walking in and asks if there is anything that can be done. The mechanic tells him that he’ll give it a look...

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

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Three men were out fishing in the ocean

Then this huge storm come and sweeps them way offshore. After a few days stranded, they spot an island and start paddling towards it with their hands. They get on the island thinking it's uninhabited but quickly find that it is inhabited by cannabils. They couldn't outrun the cannibals (who were ful...

God will save me.

A man is living in a house when a dam breaks and a violent flash flood happens and hits his whole neighborhood. The water begins rising higher and higher every moment. He's standing outside knee deep in water when some people on a canoe show up, they say to him "Hurry, get onto our canoe and we'll...

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