I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator...

"Where are we heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood"

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman slightly annoyed gets off the elevator....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman in an elevator.

A little Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says:

'7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'
The Irishman faints and falls t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was standing in a hotel elevator when his elbow brushed over a woman's breast. Apologetically, he said, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts you will forgive me."

The lady said, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I am in room number 3134.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three blondes are in an elevator

Conversing as they ride to their office on the top floor when they notice a peculiar stain on the wall.

The first one leans down to inspect it closer and says "I think this is cum!"

The second one leans down for a closer look and takes a sniff and says "I think your right, it smells li...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead arrive at work and get into the lift(/elevator for my friends in the US).

The brunette spots a white puddle in the corner and exclaims "ew, that looks like cum!"

The redhead bends down closer, sniffs and announces, "it smells like cum."

The blonde gets on all fours, licks it, thinks for a moment and states: "it's no-one from this building."

I am terrified of elevators.

I'm going to take steps to avoid them.

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I had a dream that I was having sex with a chicken in an elevator...

It was wrong on so many levels.

My sister always prefers taking the stairs, but I love taking the elevator.

I guess... we are raised differently.

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A drunk man staggers onto an elevator

There's a woman already in the car. The drunk slurs, "Can I smell your pussy?"

"No!" the woman exclaims angrily.

"Must be your shoes then."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spotted my ex in a hotel I was staying in. We ended up fucking in the elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels.

What's the worst elevator song ever?

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

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A man entering the elevator bumps into a womens boob..

He says... “Madam, if your heart is as soft as your boob, I’m sure you’ll forgive me...”
She replied...” If you knob is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 102!”

My teacher told us not to use the elevator in case of a fire.

"Of course," I replied, rolling my eyes. "We'll use the fire extinguisher."

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We were finally able to go back to the office this week. But when we got there, we found that someone had switched around the elevator buttons!

It was wrong on so many levels.

Why did the sad little boy bring a ghost into the elevator?

To lift his spirits

This morning I was beat up by a woman in an elevator

I was staring at her knockers and she said "Could you please press one?", so I did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend once shat himself in the elevator...

Same shit, different story

If you’re feeling sad, get in an elevator with a few ghosts

...it will really lift your spirits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW (language) A blonde woman walks into an elevator...

There is a man already inside so she tries to start a convo with him.

She says to him “TGIF” .

And he responds nonchalantly “SHIT”.

The woman is confused by this and decides to try again by stating “TGIF”.

But the mans response is the same: “SHIT”.

Now she’s getti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amish vs Elevator

An Amish family from Pennslyvania decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building.

As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered. ...

A drunk man was walking to his apartment, late one night, and accidentally fell down an elevator shaft.

When the paramedics arrived and pulled him out, he said, "Boy, that was a fast elevator!"

I don’t trust elevators...

I’ve taken a lot of steps to avoid them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what the guy said who pooped himself in the elevator?

He said, “I’m gonna take this sh!t to another level”

My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

What's it called when you put a cow in a elevator?

Raising the steaks.

2 women are in an elevator and a man with a lot of danruff walks in and gets off the next floor down.

One woman turns to the other and say "We should have given him Head and Shoulders?"


The other asks "How do you give shoulders?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After finishing a long day in the office, John rushes towards the elevator. His colleague Matt rushes behind him...

"Hang on, you seem to be in a rush to get home today."
"Yes" replies John, "can't wait to get home and yank my wife's panties off"
"Ooh.... feeling frisky today" Matt says with a wink.
"F*ck that!" Groans John, "I accidentally wore her undies while rushing this morning. Suffered the tight ...

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on many levels.

How do you get over a fear of elevators?

Take some steps to avoid them.

(Sorry for the dumb joke and if it's a repost, quarantine is hard.)

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What’s the only thing that will completely stop a falling elevator full of people?

The basement.

Did you hear about the elevator company?

Profits are always up and down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets in the hotel elevator

He hears a voice say "going up" and looks around, weirded out that he can't see anyone nearby who would have said that. But when he chooses his floor, the voice says "door closing" and he realizes it was the elevator talking.

So, after his vacation has ended, he gets into the elevator with h...

Don't use an elevator during a fire.

Use water instead.

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

Blonde walks into an elevator

She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no stupid it's Thursday"

While on an elevator ride up, a man decided to pickpocket the man in front of him.

That is just wrong on so many levels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shuffles onto a crowded hotel elevator.

Since he couldn't press the floor button, he stated, "Ballroom please".

The lady next to him shuffles a little bit and replies "Sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

Someone came to the door asking if I’ve considered selling elevators to my friends and family.

I’m so sick of Multi Level Marketing.

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Some people press the button in the elevator with their thumb and others press it with their index finger. Why?

To get to the right floor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is in an elevator when a man enters on the next floor...

After a few seconds the man turns to her and says "can I smell your pussy?"

Absolutley disgusted that someone would ask such a thing, she replies, "How dare you? Of course not!"

"Oh," says the man. "Must be your feet then.."

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Elevators are a lot like urinals

Everyone’s looking down, nobody’s making eye contact, and my penis is exposed.

A man and a woman meet in the elevator of a high rise office building.

The woman asks for the 10th floor and tells the man she is going to donate blood. She says that she’s able to donate once a month and that she earns $10 each time.

The man laughs and says that he’s going to the 20th floor to donate his sperm. He tells her that he is able to donate every day ...

I left my sandwich in the elevator at work.

I wanted to take my lunch to the next level

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog pooped in the elevator today.

Edit - shit that escalated quickly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally pooped my pants in an elevator

I am taking this shit to a whole new level

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a Prostitute’s favorite part of leaving a tall building?

Going down on the elevator

I just started a new job as an elevator operator

It has its ups and downs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy in the elevator...

So there's a white guy standing in the elevator. Just as the door are about to close, a huge black guy gets in. He stretches his huge arms around the elevator and he says:
- Hi. I'm two meters high. Two meters wide. Have a half meter penis and a kilogram per testicle. I'm Turner Brown!
After h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and woman step onto an elevator

after the doors close, the man leans into the woman and asks "can I smell your vagina?" shocked, the woman screams "No, you cannot" "Oh" the man replies, "then it must be your feet"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I ha...

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator.

I have never been wrong on so many levels.

So we tried using the escalator and I saw how quickly it escalated.

An elevator full of people

Me:*sneezes*

Me: Man I'm never going to china again

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In a world where everyone wears their title, a shit-head decided he’d had enough.

He wanted to be more than what he was, but nobody would hire a shit-head.

One day he was in the building of a large corporation, and saw his opportunity. “If I remove the shit from my title, people will think I’m in charge.” He got to work pulling the letters off, one at a time, until they we...

To our American cousins...

Its lift, not elevators.
Cash machine not ATM.
Hospital, not business.

I wrote a sick joke and stuck it to the inside of an elevator door.

It was wrong on so many levels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My lord, my client is a liftman and this complainant walked in the elevator wearing low cleavage blouse showing ample amount of her breasts"

"Then she caught him checking at them and said angrily

'Stop staring at them and press one quickly ' .

And my client did exactly that. I rest my case ".

A woman is constantly seeing the same man in an elevator every Friday at 3:00

She gets off on the 3rd floor and he always goes to the 5th. Finally one day she says “it always see you here, I get off on the third floor and give blood “ bragging she says”my blood is rare so they give me $50 a week.”
The man smiles and says well I get off at the sperm bank where my donation ...

What's the best thing about elevators ?

They work on so many levels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my...

Hey stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from an escalator?

No stepson

An eager young attorney had just opened his first office.

He'd decorated it with expensive, heavy oak furniture, a collection of costly art posters, and various other accoutrements to impress any potential client who walked through the door.

He'd placed ads and sent out engraved announcements about his new business, and he was sitting back waiting f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men and their wives are in front of the Pearly Gates...

The first couple approaches St. Peter. He looks in his book and says to the husband, "In life you were so obsessed with money that you married a woman named Penny. I'm sorry, but you won't be able to come in." He gestures towards the elevator down to hell.

The next couple steps up. Peter look...

One Elevator to the other:

Do you even lift bro?

Charlie Sheen and Rihanna meet outside of an elevator.

Both wait patiently for the elevator to arrive. When the doors open Rihanna makes a hand gesture and says: '' Aids before Beauty ''.

A man and a lady were in an elevator...

The man asked the lady Where you headed today? The lady replied I’m going to give blood.

The man asked her, Do they pay you for that? She said, Yeah 20 bucks. He said Oh.

The lady asked What about you, where are you headed? He replied I’m going to the sperm bank. She asked Do they pa...

Two friends are going on a trip.

They see its getting late so one sugests they stop at the first hotel. So they stop at the first hotel and when they are in they ask for a room.
"There is only one room left and its on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken. You will have to climb up stairs." said the receptionist. Friends lo...

What did the elevator say to his rival?

You're going down.

3 madmen walk on railroad tracks.

One of them says "damn, it feels like this staircase never ends!"


The other answers "yeah, and the railing is so low! I can hardly reach it!"


Then the third points with his finger and says "stop crying. Look, the elevator is coming."

Have you heard about the deaths of a newborn, the elderly couple, and the mentally disabled person due to an elevator accident?

It's wrong on so many levels.

So, you're saying you can't fix the elevator?

Repair man: No it's running perfectly. I said, it won't let you down.

Al Gore was tapping his foot while waiting impatiently for an elevator. The man standing next to him said: "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman are standing in an elevator. The woman suddenly asks “Is having a penis nice?”

The man laughed and said “Eh, it has its ups and downs.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So there's a man in an elevator, and as the doors are closing, he sees this young, fine looking lady hurriedly make her way to the elevator too, so he stops the doors and lets her get on.

'Where are you headed?' he asks, standing by the buttons.

'Oh, I'm going to the clinic on the fourth floor,' the lady says, 'I'm going to go donate some eggs and make a quick hundred dollars.'

At this, the man starts to chuckle.

'What's so funny?'

'Well, it's just that I'...

Two trustworthy, reliable and good politicians walk down a flight of stairs

Trump says to Putin:

"Also taking the elevator today?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are elevators always angry?

Because everyone keeps pushing their buttons.

A man dies and finds himself in an elevator

He did expect a light at the end of the tunnel and all that, but he decides to see where things are going. Pretty soon, the destination of his elevator-ride is showing up on the display: "Hell"

"Well", the man thinks, "I've had a good life. Fair's fair I guess."

The elevator opens an...

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