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Quell Jokes

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately...

Frank and Fiona Lames were very upstanding citizens.

They worked very normal 9-5s, were involved in the community, and cheered for [insert reader’s favorite sports team].


The lovely couple had two teenage children: Felicity and Felix. The two youngsters were nothing like their parents. They went were pranksters and miscreants, always getti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

A man sits down at a bar next to a pirate and starts asking him about his past injuries.

The first thing the man notices is the pirate’s peg leg. “How did you get that wooden leg,” he asks.

The pirate responds, “Oh, a cannonball took my leg off in a fight with a naval frigate.”

“Wow!” the man replies. “So how did you get that hook?” pointing to the pirate’s arm.

The...

A young man moves into a new house...

Everything is going well, however, in one room, from under the floorboard, rowdy carpenter ants come crawling out.


The young man asks his neighbor what to do.


His neighbor informs him that this ant infestation can only be quelled by other ants; if you get well-behaved ants an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I almost got arrested on my way to a Pistons game

I recently moved to Michigan because of my new job. It was a step up from my previous dead-end one and of course, more pay meant more work which is why I try to enjoy the little free time that I have.

Being a huge NBA fan, I decided to catch a Pistons game at the Little Caesar's Arena. Howev...

A Joke Translated from French

An elderly American couple is on holiday in France when the wife dies suddenly. The man is heart-broken but he knows that his wife, who loved France, would want to be buried there. He begins making arrangements to have her buried when he realises he has nothing to wear. He seeks out the hotel's c...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...
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