I ordered a silver jewelry case for my wife online.
But when it arrived someone had engraved the word "CUNT" on the back of it, I was livid.
I distinctively asked for it on the front.
He Does What???
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of the Granville Christian Church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope ...
There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....
That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.
Two doctors are sitting on a bench at a park
They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:
- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong
- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia
- I have to disagree with you: that dra...
While playing catch with our pet Alsatian in the yard,
He returned with a bunny in his mouth. Quite clearly it was our neighbors pet bunny. The same distinctive brown patch! We both dashed to our doggy and gently pried the bunny out of his mouth.
It was quite clearly dead.
We panicked and looked over to the neighbors yard. He wasn't in and...
Being in the American military gives one the rare and distinctively American opportunity to live under a bridge that may one day be posthumously dedicated to you.
A blonde woman
A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next d...
3 blondes want to join the police force...
They all go to the police station for an interview to become policewomen. The policeman conducting the interview tells them for this part of the interview I’ll hold up a mug shot of a man for 5 seconds and then ask you to tell me a distinctive feature you remember. He shows the first blonde the mug ...
[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home
I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.
* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...
The Drums Must Not Stop
A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.
The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...
Have you heard of the rare oomigoolie bird?
Shortly after it learns to fly, it sheds its legs.
This means that every time it lands you hear the distinctive call of "Ooh me goolies!"
Jesus is wandering through the desert
Jesus is wandering through the desert, desperately seeking his father. It has been 40 days and 40 nights since he last rested or had a meal and he is exhausted.
Just as he thinks he can't take it any more, he sees a figure on the distant horizon. He manages to summon up the energy to stumble ...
A man walks in a bar.
And saw two fat ladies and notices their distinctive accent. He comes up and asks them "So where are you two ladies from?". "It's Wales" said the other lady. So the man says "Sorry where do you two whales come from?".
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Have you heard of the Japanese Ono bird?
It has legs that are five inches long, and a penis that is eight inches long. You can tell it by its distinctive cry when it comes in for a landing.
A preacher is making his weekly rounds to people's houses, trying to get them to convert. He reaches one home in the afternoon, and rings the doorbell. He distinctively hears someone inside, but no one comes to answer the door, so after waiting a few minutes of knocking and asking if anyone was home...
At a small London pub,
3 girls are chatting. An Englishman hears them and notices their distinctive accent that he so easily recognizes. He approaches then smoothly and asks: "are you girls from Scotland?"
In a condescending tone, one of them turns around and says: "It's Wales, idiot!"
"Oh I'm sorry, are you...