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Stirred Jokes

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When i have a martini shaken not stirred, i always add a viagra

It might not make me Daniel Craig, but it will make me Roger more.

What was shaken and is now stirred?

Haiti.

On his first ever flight, a nervous man who was scared of flying sat next to a heavily tattooed and smelly giant of a man.

Unfortunately, during the flight the timid little fellow ended up getting physically sick. But since the large man was now fast asleep, and was between him and aisle, his way to the bathroom was blocked.

Suddenly it was too late, and he vomited all over the sleeping man. Quickly he tried t...

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

A man woke up sobbing

"The world is a cruel uncaring void!" he cried. "Pleasure is fleeting but pain is eternal! Hope is a mirage! What cruel God made this reality!?"

Next to him, his wife stirred.

"Oh honey...is it Monday already...?"

Just fought the James Bond.

I was really shaken. But not stirred.

When bond told her that her father was dead...

She looked shaken, not stirred.

Sean connery died today

His family are shaken, not stirred

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

A foreign country's leader was cooking a small pot of prime ribs

While cooking, he stirred the pot. It was a prime mini stir

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and ...

Trump legalizes marijuana to pay for the wall with the tax revenues.

This really stirred the pot.

James Bond is fast asleep in bed when suddenly there is an earthquake!

He is shaken but not stirred.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys

There were these three cowboys sitting around a campfire, each bragging about who was the toughest.
The first said he had caught a rattlesnake by it's tail and tied it in a knot as fast as a blink.
The second said he snapped the horns off all his bulls by hand.
The third just sat quietly as...

"Everytime I drink my coffee, my eye hurts."

Those were the words I said to my doctor.

He then instructed me to prepare a coffee, like how I always did.

I poured hot water into the cup. Added the coffee, sugar then the creamer. Stirred a few times, then took a sip. My eye hurt.

He then said "try removing the teaspoon befo...

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3 Tough Cowboys

Three cowboys are sitting around the campfire after a long day on the plains.

The first cowboy says, "I'm the toughest man in the west, I once took three arrows in my back and rode 2 days through Indian infested badlands to get help."

The second cowboy says, "Bah, I'm the toughest man ...

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Cake day joke: toughest cowboys

First cowboy says, "I'm the toughest sumbitch in these here parts. Yesterday I grabbed me the meanest bull and threw his ass down, balls and all, with my left hand into this here dirt. Pinned him fer 25 seconds without breaking a sweat."

The second cowboy looks up from the fire. "Impressive, ...

How do you describe someone who can't wake up during a nightmare?

Shaken not stirred.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are martinis like breasts?

They are better shaken, not stirred.

I usually have one in my hand.

One is too few and three are two many.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the butter churner asked the milk "whats wrong..."

the milk responded "im just a bit stirred up but ill be butter in a while"

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