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Flurry Jokes

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In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.

He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.

Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.

After a long discussion...

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My wife and I had a day at the zoo. It was going pleasantly until my wife had to lunge at me and scurry me out of the chimpanzee area under a flurry of flying poop

She gave me a the dirtiest look when I told her, "they started it!"

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Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

Psychedelic Harmony..

There I was, in the middle of nowhere.. Not a body for miles around.. As I lay in the silence, I started hearing murmurs; whispers of tales and epics long past.. The silence was talking to me.. I fell into a sweet melancholy.. As I listened to the silence, a calm trance took hold of me, the harmony ...

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A limerick for Guildford in Surrey

At McDonald’s in Guildford in Surrey
I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry
I had to act quick
To cool down my dick
So I stuck it into my McFlurry

Russia soldiers come across a small Ukrainian town

(recycling a classic for Ukraine)

The commander radios to the town's occupants demanding that they surrender. He hears back in response "I may just be a single Ukranian soldier, but I will never surrender."

He thinks to himself *a single soldier this will be easy*. So he orders ten Ru...

It was Tracy's first day at the aviary

And she was put in charge of the cassowary enclosure. She only looked away for a second, but that was enough time for one of them to escape! Tracy looked back and saw a flurry of wings and feathers as the great beast fled the area. She chased after it and heard in the distance a great commotion and ...

An artist lives next to a Marsh.

Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious f...

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

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A man takes up Kung Fu, and ascends high to a mountain temple to train...

On his first day he tours the grounds with his master to witness the many fighting styles. Along the way he sees a warrior with no arms, and he asks his master "How can that man learn kung fu with no arms?"

"Don't you see?" Says the master. "Without arms he need learn no punches. Therefore hi...

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari.

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari. He goes for a drive, and decides he wants to see how fast he can get his new super car.

He drives out to the country, where he opens up the throttle. 100km/h. 150km/h. 200km/h! He is absolutely flying.

All of ...

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Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

A man walks into a pet store

He walks up to the shopkeeper and asks him for a suggestion for his daughters birthday.

"Sir come with me! I have some very friendly monkeys that your daughter would adore!"

The shopkeeper then takes him over to a cage full of monkeys. The father notices the price tag, $1000. He starts...

There was an old Bolivian train driver...

who had been driving trains for nearly 25 years, maintaining a perfect record. One day, he is running a little behind and will be late to his next stop if he doesn't hurry. He calls into the train station and asks to speed up the train so he can make it in time. They tell him that he's hauling too m...

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A woman is looking for a birthday gift for her husband...

She goes all around town, to all the sporting stores, department stores, gadget/computer stores, can't find anything her husband would like or doesn't have.

She decides to go downtown and walks around looking at interesting boutique stores when she ends up walking into a very strange looking ...

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