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And nun walks into a liquor store

So, a nun walks into a liquor store and asks the guy behind the counter for a fifth of vodka.

The guy thinks a minute, and says, “Sister, I can’t sell you booze. You’re a nun!”

The nun giggles nervously and says, “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for Mother Superior.” Then she leans forward a...

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Pete met a French girl

Pete grown up in a faraway suburb, however, he was lucky, he got hired by a big company in the downtown area.

On his first day to work, he met a French exchange colleague, he instantly had a crush on her. But he kept silent all the time about it.

It was the Bastille Day, the Fr...

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Little Timmy’s playing with his trains

He’s sitting at the dining room table and his toy train pulls up to the station. Timmy says “We’ve arrived at Union Station, if this is your stop, get the fuck off, if you’re heading north, get the fuck on we’re ready to go.”

Timmy’s mom hears him say this and scolds her son. She tells him...

The other day,Grandpa heard his 18 years old grand son complimenting his girlfriend on how good she gives head.

Just after the call, grandpa queried his grand son "son, what's meant by giving head?" his son replied coyly "oh, it is just a jargon for giving suggestions". A fortnight came,the family was dinning when mom initiated a conversation between grandpa.
Mom:dad,since we're few days away from your bir...

When John Lennon was a boy,

his best friend was a chubby lad named Winston - but because of Winston’s penchant for stuffing his face with Stilton, Red Leicester, Cheddar or Brie, naturally he was nicknamed “Cheese”.
One hot summer day, a gang of friends decided to head off to the local quarry to cool off in the water. The...

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Girl friend of a boy starts farting at the dinning table...and she feels that no one has noticed it.....but....

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains...

A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents

Blonde: Oh by the way I´m pregnant

Parents (simultaneously): You´re WHAT!?!

Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, I´m not even sure it´s mine

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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...

To everyone's surprise , our Mexican neighbors got the city to sign for a bill to restrict loud noisess

Nobody expects the Spanish din petition

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant and encountered a strange old man sitting at a small table near the door. The old man had at the table with him a glue stick and a few sheets of construction paper and he seemed to be engaged in some kinds of arts-and-crafts project. The waitstaff occasionall...

Did you know that protons have mass ?

Lol i din't even knew they were catholic

My blonde friend Charlene phones me up to ask for help with her jigsaw puzzle

I said "Surely, you can manage a simple jigsaw puzzle without needing help?"
She said "No honesty, it's really hard. The pieces are quite similar. I've been working on it night and day for a week and I've got nowhere"
I said "what's the picture of?"
"She said "It's a cartoon chicken."
I ...

Went to the doctor today

I din't hear him all too well because of the constant coughing but I'm sure he said he was positive I dint have the Coronavirus!

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Today's lession will be about the moral of a story...

If any student can tell me a story and then correctly tell me the moral of that story we will have recess the rest of the day. Little Beverly raises her hand...

My daddy works at a chicken farm. Each Sunday we gather all the eggs, put them in a basket, and take them to market. Last Sunday...

Parrots and Chickens

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a
sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight
without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet,
conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One d...

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This man was about to propose, until she revealed this detail...

Steve and Sara met while on a Royal Caribbean singles cruise and Steve fell head over heels for her. And when they discovered they both lived in New York City Steve was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Steve had taken Sara to the mo...

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2 ghosts meet in heaven...

Ghost 1: Hey


Ghost 2: Hey...


Ghost 1: So... How did you die?


Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a
refrigerator. At first i was chilling, then, i
started freezing, and then, i just couldn't breathe... Guess i died of suffocation.


Ghost 1: Wow.... ...

Why didn’t the Australian get smashed at the party ?

Because he din-go

I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...

I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.

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Priest's Donkey

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti diners and pancake breakfasts din't work. He even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auct...

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This machine stops after..... [NSFW]

So a son invites his father to come visit England from India. The son was very excited about his father visiting England and so he decided to take him on a tour. Unfortunately his father didn't show the same excitement like his son. The boy was confused and asked his father "What is the matter?, don...

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Two leprechauns win the lottery.

Two leprechauns win the lottery and decide to go on holiday to London and party their winnings away. They check in to the most expensive suite in the most expensive hotel in town. This suite is that posh that it has 2 double bedrooms joined by a connecting door. After relaxing a while they head down...

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