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Stingy Jokes

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Stingy old lawyer

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He in...

A stingy man invites a couple people fo dinner

A stingy man invites a couple people for dinner, they sit down and plates start coming in.. all plates are filled with rice and only rice..

They start eating expecting different food will come in, then the man's son comes in and asks his dad "should I bring in the chickens?" The dad says "Not...

What makes a stingy necrophiliac even happier?

They dont need to bring flowers, cause they're already there.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

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A very rich, yet stingy businessman had symptoms of corona...

He decided to get himself tested and went to the clinic.

After he returned from the clinic he saw few calls from his business partner. So he called him back.

His business partner picked up. he sounded worried, "Hey I've been trying to reach you! You didn't pick up so I called your home...

My mates call me stingy, so i decided to buy them a beer...

Turns out, they wanted 1 each.

What are a stingy man's favourite forces?

centrifrugal forces.

Did you know that Irish people are very stingy with their money?

Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow.

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

What do you call an ape that's stingy?

A cheap-pants-zee.

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

A stingy old man and pharmacist know each other

Since a long time. The old man would always buy the cheapest, smallest, generic versions of medicines, would always ask for samples.

One day the old man walks up to the pharmacy....

Old man: i need a new toothbrush because one bristle broke today.

Pharmacist: the pharmacist kn...

Today someone told me this joke about the stereotype that we Swabians are stingy

A Swabian goes to the registry office and asks how he can change his name.

The civil servant asks him, why he needs the name change.

The Swabian answers: "I found a box full of business cards in the street yesterday."

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What's the difference between a stingy neighbor and a cheap prostitute?

One nickels and dimes you for screws while the other screws you for nickels and dimes.

Three boys are complaining about their fathers...

Boy 1: My father is stingy! On my birthday, he only prepared three types of food!

Boy 2: My father is stingier. He only prepared two types of food for my birthday.

Boy 3: Your fathers are big spenders compared to mine. My father made sure I have five types of food for my birthday.
<...

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Jewish women are so stingy

They want even their dicks at least 10% off!

He Asked His Wife To Bury Him With ALL His Money, So This Is What She Did

There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money.

He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife:

"Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and pla...

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Stingy man on his deathbed

An extremely cheap old man was on his deathbed, a few minutes away from drawing his last breath.

Throughout his life, he spent as little as possible and never said how much money he had, so his family were waiting for him to finally tell them about his wealth.

With all his relatives a...

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I thought it would be nice to share a burger with this homeless guy I keep seeing on my way to work.

But that stingy jerk told me to go get my own.

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A hungry drifter walks down a country road, and spots a small farmhouse. Looking for a bite, he knocks on the door, and a cheap, stingy farmer answers...

The drifter says, “Well hello, sir! Say, I’m mighty hungry, might you have something I could eat?”
The farmer replies, “No sir, I have nothing to spare.”
The drifter says, “Well then, I noticed you have some Honeysuckle growing out in your fields....mind if I go get myself some honey?”
The...

Don't be stingy when it comes to getting a circumcision.

I got one cheap and it was a total rip-off.

Why do wasps never leave tips?

Because they're stingy.

Bees don't like sharing their honey

They're so stingy!

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

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A young newlywed couple were too poor to go on a honeymoon.

The husband came up with an idea: every time they had sex, they would each put a dollar into a piggy bank. When they reached their first anniversary, they would open the bank and use the money it contained for their honeymoon.

All went well for their first year, and on their anniversary, th...

A Jewish Son asked his Dad for his allowance

Son: “Dad, can I have my $40 for this week, I’ve done all my chores.”
Dad: “$40!? I never agreed to pay you $30, are you nuts!? You want $20 out of me, you stingy stingy boy!? $10...unbelievable!”

The real reason I stopped smoking with Latinos.

The other day I asked this dude if he had some papers, he didn't say a word and just took off down the street as fast as he could. Some people are so damn stingy man.

He Demanded to be Buried With ALL of His Money...

After working hard his entire life and religiously saving his money, one man’s dying wish was to be buried with every cent he had earned.

Of course, this last selfish request would have left his widow destitute, but apparently, a lifetime of love and devotion wasn’t worth much to him.

...

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