Sticking Jokes - 35 Hilarious Sticking Jokes

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I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

She got fired too.

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I guy goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his anus.

The doctor, obviously disgusted, takes a look and says "ugh, that's nasty".
To which the man responds, " Nasty? Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg"

What do you call a guy with a knife sticking out of him?

An ambulance..

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My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.'

The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

I'm sticking with my citrus diet until June

Cumquat May.

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch

So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns

My performance in the bedroom is like a high-sticking call in hockey.

Typically 2 minutes, but 4 minutes if there's blood.

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said, alarmed by the sound. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. ...

I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with me while I figured out the meaning of “many”

It means a lot

What do you call an Amish person sticking his hand up a horse's ass?

A mechanic

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Does having a penis sticking out of your forehead improve your vision?

Depends how big your balls are.

How old Mildred stopped gossiping.

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ...

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

But they will be sticking with their Gunn

A pirate goes to a bar, but a huge wheel is sticking out of his crotch

The bartender asks 'hey whats with the wheel?' The pirate replies 'arg... its driving me nuts'

Imagine sticking a fork into an outlet

What happens next will shock you

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Sticking a baguette in your derrière...

...is a *pain* in the ass.

A team of Swedes and a team of Norwegians are hired one day to put up telephone polls...

Their manager explains to them how to drive the poles into the ground, and leaves them to their work while he goes off to attend to other business. At the end of the day, he comes back to see what progress has been made. First, he sees that the Norwegian team has put up 15 poles.

"For a job w...

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

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The Australian turns to the cat and asked him, “do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?”

The cat said no. So the Australian picked up the cat and wiped his bum with him.

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear..

a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose.

He says "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well".

Doctor replies "Hmmm, I don't think your eating properly".

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A wife was in bed, naked with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into the bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wi...

A man went to a doctors office with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, “Well I can tell right away you‘re not eating right.”

What’s worse than a worm sticking out of your apple?

Half a worm sticking out of your apple.

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I just witnessed my roommate sticking his dick in a jar of peanut butter

He's fucking nuts

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After sticking a bunch of lipstick up my butt, I realized one thing.

Makeup sex is highly overrated.

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

A dwarf was kicked out of a nudist colony

Apparently, he kept sticking his nose in everyones' business.

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I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

A nun stands on the side of the road with her thumb sticking out

A man driving solo in his car decides to pick the nun up, assuming she is hitchhiking. She climbs into the car, and says to the man “John’s convent.” The man agrees, and begins driving to Saint Johns convent, across town.

After a while, the man turns to the nun, and says, “sister, it has al...

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Why was Han solo so suspicious after sticking his dick in Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

I got fired from my deli job cause the boss caught me sticking my finger in the pickle slicer..

..turns out he fired her too.

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